Bleak Mind View

Connected

Don't look at me like that
Because sometimes
I'm so happy
It feels weird and crappy
I may get melancholic
And feel like a depressed alcoholic
Get in the clouds above
Whenever I'm full of love
Perhaps a bit devious
As I become more envious.

Then

At times
I get so angry
But that feeling I want to bury
Cause it burns my skin
When it's surfacing
Like needles and pins
Seven hundred degrees
I just want to freeze

Till I'm at ease.

Now
My hands shake
While my spirit slowly breaks
"Cheer up"
No!
I won't do what is fake
Especially a smile
"Why?"
People are so vile.

All I do is cry
In the shadows of my house
Which now resembles a pig sty
This dark, damp place
May be lonely
Invisible I chased
Now it's an inhabitable space
For me.

I built it
To keep from critics
And the self-righteous shallow
Who shoot their ever disputing arrows.

It offers comfort
And Shields me from outter conflict
Though it's old and broken
Now on its last legs
I may look fine
But inside I beg
Because the darkness seeps out
Like black dregs
And I am fragile
Like a pressured egg.

Leave me alone
I'm pierced to the bone
It hurts
And I can't do anything about it.

But
I grasp my chest
And reinforce the perception
That I am the best
The residence stays weak
Nonetheless
And I choose to keep
Mild and meek
For peace is what I seek.

Now here
I have to speak
For the kid who can't pay attention
Cause of his ADHD
For the one who sits straight
Cause of her OCD
I give words
For they who see alphabet soup
Cause they're dyslexic
I stand for silence unbroken
As I give this word now spoken.

They call it decadence
Of mental health
To most it's depression
But I know it's protection
Of those outside looking in
Protection from my sin.

Unsure of whether I'm blessed
Or this is a curse
Could I be dead
Or lying in a hearse?

I'm just a teen obsequious
So don't take this too serious
You know my name
As I'm preyed on like game.

Am I colorblind?
Or is the world quickly turning grey?

No, wait
I think
I think I'm okay.

Thank you
For letting me walk alone
Thank you
For thinking I'm in a good mood
And have a permanent positive attitude
Thank you
For choosing my mask over me
For believing
"I'm fine."

It's not just about you or me
It's about what's right
What's true
What we were
What we are
What we want to be
For we should be connected.