Wonderland #01

Chapter 23

" Yoohyeonie... "

Yoohyeon got off JiU as they sat beside one another, leaning on the pillow. Yoohyeon was fiddling with her fingers as she looked down, not once looking at the older one.

" Unnie, you wanted to know the person right ? "

JiU nodded.

" It's you. It has always been you. "

" But what's there to love about me ? I'm horrible, I'm nasty and mean, I'm- "

" Unnie, stop. You're not okay, just- "

" No, Yoohyeon, though I brought you into the group, you only know me as a leader, not a friend. So stop it, I'm not good for you. "

This time, Yoohyeon was disappointed and it was written all over her face. She stood up, walked to the opened balcony and enjoyed the night breeze and all JiU could do was stare at her back view, how Yoohyeon was skinny but still had a good figure. Then, her thoughts were cut off.

" You're right. "

Looking at the night sky where only then the stars could shine bright, Yoohyeon eyes started becoming teary as her hands that were placed on the railing, gradually turned into a ball of fist.

" You're right unnie, I don't know you. I don't know that behind all that cold facade, you're actually really caring, so much so that anyone is more important than yourself. I don't know you, when you secretly go out at night and release your burdens at that rooftop where residents hang their towel. You're right, I don't know that no matter how far I am, you will find me not because I'm your best apprentice but- "

" No, I think you're wrong- "

" Don't interrupt me. But because I'm your friend and you care about me and living one day without someone who could support you and tear down your walls frightens you because... "

" Because what ? "

" You got to figure that out honey. I can't do everything for you. "

Now, Yoohyeon with those teary eyes, turned around, still looking down at her feet in the hotel slippers, her tears finally let loose. She was hurt, more than hurt, she was broken because she wasn't just rejected, she thought JiU would be smarter than that to know that Yoohyeon loves JiU, and doesn't need a reason, or anything about knowing her to prove her feelings for the older one. JiU looked at Yoohyeon and walked towards the latter whose hands were clenched so tightly, there were finger nail prints pressed into her skin, on some parts of her palms, skin were exposed, and on some, it already bled. JiU unclenched the latter one's hands and took them in hers, observing them closely. She looked up to Yoohyeon and saw those blood shot eyes, and hear her sniffles. She knew, Yoohyeon was hurting. Yoohyeon took one of her arm and cleaned her tears. JiU hugged the younger one.

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Unnie loves you too. "

" No, your love *sniff* and the one I'm talking about is *sniff*, it's different, dalla ya. "

" I know, and you have to give me time, I don't want to force myself into a one sided relationship and hurt you, because I never want that to happen. Yoohyeon, stop hurting yourself, let's go back in, I will dress your rooms, and if it makes you feel better, I will sing you to sleep. "

" Can I *sniff* cuddle you *sniff* ? "

" Of course, you don't need to ask. "

JiU put plasters on Yoohyeon's scarred hands, scars from the clenching that she failed to notice, scars from punching. JiU felt useless, she felt stupid for constantly hurting the younger one. If only Lua was there for her now. She stroked Yoohyeon's hand, then her cheeks as Yoohyeon snuggled closer to JiU. JiU, with a deep breath, started singing.

It was a mess but we just never knew
I know you did everything you could do
Our love was red and now it turned to blue
It was the only way to know the truth

I'm sorry Yoohyeon, I wish I could figure out my own feelings, I don't want to hurt you or anyone.

But when I see you it hurts, when I see you it starts to hurt baby
I can see it in your eyes, I can see the pain in your eyes I'm sorry
Tell me baby did it feel right
To be with you and at the same time
Lose myself, my soul is burning out so casually

I don't even know myself, why would you like me Yoohyeon ? What's there of me that you could possibly like ? I'm a murderer and a sadist, how could you like me ?

Lie to me, oh won't you lie to me
Give me reason to the pain
My love you were so
Right for me, oh you were right for me
But darling we don't hurt the same
Oh baby I'm a shame

Sorry, the love for now is one sided. I really wish I could return it, I want to be happy with someone, and I want you to be happy with the person you love, but it just isn't me, I will only hurt you.

Tell me everything you need to say
Tell me everything you need to say

Yoohyeon, I don't want know why I came to you. I know I'm hurting you, I'm bringing more pain to you, I'm sorry, I should go back, I'm just a burden.

I never thought that it would end like this
You promised nothing but eternal bliss
The joy and comfort that you gave, I miss
Oh are we more than this, please tell me baby cause im lost

I thought letting you in to the Nightmares could give you peace, I though I could make you feel better, I guess not, you're all grown up, you've changed.

But when I see you it hurts, when I see you it starts to hurt baby
I can see it in your eyes, I can see the pain in your eyes I'm sorry
Tell me baby did it feel right
To be with you and at the same time
Lose myself, my soul is burning out so casually

I don't want to hurt you any longer, emotionally. If you continue to stay with me, maybe I will hurt you physically, so leave me, please Yoohyeon.

Lie to me, oh won't you lie to me
Give me reason to the pain
My love you were so
Right for me, oh you were right for me
But darling we don't hurt the same
Oh baby I'm a shame

We're on a different level, I will never change. I hope you understand that one day, maybe I could be the person you want me to be just not now.

Lie to me, oh won't you lie to me
Give me reason to the pain
My love you were so
Right for me, oh you were right for me
But darling we don't hurt the same
Oh baby I'm a shame

I won't lie to you anymore, find someone else who will make you happy Yoohyeon.

Tell me everything you need to say
Tell me everything you need to say

Dream of me for the last time.

By the end of the song, JiU could hear Yoohyeon's soft breathings. Whispering, she said,

" Yoohyeonie, I'm sorry, maybe I'm in denial, maybe I'm scared, I hope you can understand, that even if I don't share the same feelings for you, I will still stay by your side. "

With that, JiU's free hand hugged the younger one as Yoohyeon was resting her other hand on JiU's. They fell into deep slumber, both wishing that they would appear in each other dreams.

The next day, as they woke up in each other's arm, they lazed around in bed even after yesterday's incident. They knew that whatever happens, they will still have each other's back. They packed up as they got ready to fly back to Seoul, and boy did they have feelings to sort out.

Song credit: Fern-lie 2 me

Author's note:
Please please take care of yourself. If you are feeling unwell, see a doctor, put on face mask and be responsible by staying at home and get well soon !! Everyone, please wash your hands and drink up. Let's not be inconsiderate citizens and take stuff we don't really need okay ? Take care once again my lovelyz!