Kung Fu vs. Hoodlum

The Hoodlum Siege

The day had come to pass when mankind realized that no town was safe from the hoodlums. The persistent wave of uncouth, jocular marauders had defaced the properties of many cities, but their graffiti would now cover a piece of modern art.

Jingdian stood as a historic landmark among otherwise drab towns in China. This humble village faced an era of advancement with a classic resilience that was new in its own way. It was a restored classic town. Rather than build upwards with skyscrapers and vending machines and four-lane highways, this meek settlement built inwards toward the soul. It looked exactly like a traditional Chinese village from ages past. However, those of all cultures were allowed to take a stroll through and enjoy a trip to a historic time period... provided that everyone respected the property and didn't deface anything. Of course, no one can expect a hoodlum to pay any mind to this rule.

Within a week of the hoodlums' rise, graffiti of clashing colors coated the classical architecture. Independent restaurants were suffering the burning destruction of pyromania. No one could take their dogs for a walk without being assaulted by a masked ruffian with a baseball bat and then being forced to watch the little street punk shave the canines naked with an automatic razor. The historic town of Jingdian faced steady corrosion at the hands of hoodlums, and no amount of arrests could stop more destructive pranksters from pouring in.

To make matters worse, the legendary Micron Dao had gone missing from Jingdian's museum of classic kung fu weapons. This legendary sword could cut through absolutely anything. Landing into the wrong hands, it could cut life as we know it.

"We're pretty sure the hoodlums didn't do it." Official police reports stated. "That would be too cliched and predictable."

Jingdian was rapidly approaching a state of disrepair that it would have no chance of recovering from. Who would save this town? Who had the kindness to put themselves at risk to protect art? Who had the courage to stand up to these hoodlums even if it meant being killed by a sledgehammer, a metal pipe, or being lit on fire? Who had the strength to punch these jerks straight through their stupid masks, into their goofy-looking faces and knock them beyond the historic walls? Well, one person had the strength and reckless courage, at least.

He was known only as Mr. Lu. He had studied kung fu for years with only one goal in mind throughout his entire time of learning the sacred techniques: to become a martial arts movie star. Hearing of the hoodlum invasion of Jingdian, he snatched up his camera with a quick mantis grab and ran through the historic streets of the artful town. Of course, he always had the option to go to a film university for a degree in stuntmanology, but no movie production company ever considers university degrees to be valid by any stretch of the imagination. "You went to school for it? But do you have any experience?" A person couldn't even be taken in as an intern without any prior experience. Therefore, Mr. Lu had only one option: to create a kickass portfolio.

He found a location in town buzzing, humming and whistling with hoodlum activity. He carefully climbed up the side of the buildings in an alleyway and took a strategic position on a rooftop. Upon looking down onto the street below, he saw them. The hoodlums were quietly focusing on tagging each wall with a piece of vulgar graffiti. Using their cans of spray paint, they wrote phrases on every surface such as: "Shag the system!" "Lung Fei's mustache is bisexual" and "The beef dumplings at Carter Wong's handsome pub are not very good."

Before taking care of the street dregs, Mr. Lu set up his camera on a tripod. He made sure to get a good shot of where the battle was about to take place, and he carefully adjusted the camera's settings to bring out the neon green highlights and the pitch black in his Chinese attire. The kung fu man also took every minute necessary to make his ponytail look glorious. The stage was set, so he posed heroically for the opening sequence to his portfolio.