Kung Fu vs. Hoodlum

The Hoodlum Finale

The hoodlums' dojo hideout looked just like a classic work of Chinese architecture intended for learning the most sacred styles of martial arts. That is, it looked like that before the hoodlums had taken hold of it. Now the place had obviously fallen prey to vandalism and had thus become a complete wreck. The grand gates that would have otherwise greeted visitors were now spray painted with many pieces of angry artwork trying to take over each other. Spelled out boldly on the doors were the phrases: "On your bike! Before we steal it..." and "Nothing too see here." The two O's in the word "too" on the second phrase were modified to look like shifty eyes. What hoodlums lack in spelling ability they often make up for in creativity.

The inside of the dojo had the same shape as it used to, at the cost of many of the ruffians going crazy over the fact that they weren't allowed to take an axe to any of the support beams. The learning area consisted of a wide open floor under a grand gap in the ceiling that allowed a beautiful view of the sky and ample access to fresh air. This was also a good place for the fumes to escape as the vandals constantly added to their layers of graffiti all over every surface of the interior of the dojo. All of the walls were covered in swear words, genitals, and ominous messages written in complete gibberish. Even the large floor that once served as an area for practicing kung fu was now painted with images of monsters opening their mouths in an attempt to swallow anyone who tried to walk across this space.

All of the hoodlums were currently enjoying their hideout. The lead hoodlum danced in front of the others while throwing firecrackers into the crowd. The large group of ruffians would then scatter and try to push each other out of the way and into harm's way to avoid being injured by the explosions. One of the hoodlums ignored the game that was happening, because he was too busy drinking a bottle of isopropyl alcohol.

"This is a rather lovely drink. It's like beer, but it gets straight to the point!"

The hoodlums were having fun roughhousing until a bold man opened the door. Mr. Lu had found the hideout. He quickly set up his camera in the corner of the room before challenging the vandals' dojo.

"Is the challenge candle still burning?" Mr. Lu smiled at the hoodlums while giving an occasional glance at the camera.

"No, but the roman candle is!" The lead hoodlum lit a firework and used it to launch explosive, crackling blazes at the kung fu man.

Mr. Lu didn't even try to dodge. He caught every roman candle shot with his bare hands and allowed them to explode in his palms. His hands were intact and unfazed, and he didn't flinch once.

"I didn't spend years conditioning my hands just to play with fireworks." Mr. Lu pretended to become impatient. "Why don't you bring me a real challenge? I'll take on your entire dojo at the same time, and you can use all of the cheap tricks you want."

"Ohh, my!" The hoodlum leader picked up his feet and held his face while his mask somehow blushed. He could hardly contain his excitement. He sang, "Well, if you say so!" He then gave a command to all of his cohorts. "Alright, boys, grab a weapon and try not to tire him out too quickly. We want to have as much fun as we can! And remember..." the chief retrieved another firecracker and lit the fuse, "we're still playing our game!"

The hoodlum commander chucked the firecracker into the crowd, and all of the vandals scattered to the walls to avoid the blast and choose their weapons. Instead of traditional Chinese weaponry resting on the racks, there stood baseball bats, pipes, uprooted street signs, golf clubs, sledgehammers, shovels and other unconventional armaments. As soon as the hoodlums were equipped, they swarmed our kung fu hero and commenced the assault.

Some of the goons used a street sign as if it were a Guan Dao, so Mr. Lu acted accordingly. He ducked low under the high slashes and quickly hopped over the ground slashes. Upon detection of an opening, the kung fu man quickly utilized a long kick to interject his way into the opponent's personal space. It was here where Mr. Lu would use an earth fist to drill through his enemy's solar plexus or an arrow fist to pierce through and shatter the ribcage.