Escaping the Current

13. Still Like Each Other

Kaden was walking past the cars in the parking lot. He smiled as he passed Austin'. He slowed down his pace, and touched the driver's door of the Jeep and, with his eyes closed, he could see the dozens of times he remembered seeing Austin's dazzling smile. Kaden smiled as he walked away. He couldn't really believe how the final moments of that day of school had ended. It felt like that was the first real lesson he had learned since he started going to high school. He wanted to share what he'd learned with Austin as soon as he came over. And he wanted to know how to do all the stuff he and coach talked about. But all that could wait until he was home. All that could wait though. At that moment, all he wanted to do was put his earphones in and pick a playlist for him to walk home to. He didn't even hesitate to choose. When he saw 'Paradise' by George Ezra as the first song, he instantly pressed play. 

He hardly heard the first verse because as soon as his phone was in his pocket and he lifted his head, his eyes caught the silhouette of a familiar body. The boy was grabbing something from his trunk and hadn't noticed.

Kaden felt a knot in his stomach. Of course, he would have seen him. He was surprised he didn't see him on the field earlier on. Kaden shook his head as he pressed pause and made his way to the boy, not knowing what to expect.

When he was about four feet away from him, Kaden nearly turned away in fear of getting called out again or being instantly rejected. But he had not spent a good study period crying on the shoulders of the coach, and then get some bomb ass advice, for nothing. So he fought his fear, and shaking hand, and tapped the boy on the shoulder.

'Hi, Mo,' Kaden said as the boy's eyes met his. His voice trembled as much as his hand did. 'Do you have a minute?'

Kaden could tell, even from Mo's bruised eye, that he was incredibly disinterested. Mo took his gym bag and helmet out of the trunk. And he gave Kaden a cold stare before closing it and pressing the lock button. He turned around, but it was as if he was stuck for a second. He failed to move his legs.

Kaden didn't know if Mo wanted him to grab him and turn him around. He didn't know what it was, but it seemed to be a window period. Kaden worked up the nerve to say something before the boy got his motor skills back and walked away. 'I like you, Mo.'

Kaden heard a heavy grunt and a bit of mumbling.

'I like you, and I messed up whatever friendship we had by not talking to you,' Kaden continued.

This got another reaction. His head tilted down, raising his left ear, as if to say, 'Go on.'

And Kaden did. 'I was a dick. And I'm trying to be undicklify what I did to you.'

He finally turned around. He had a frown that made Kaden wished he was looking at the back of his head again. But it was a big gesture from Mo, Kaden thought.

'Go on, undicklify or whatever,' Mo said rolling his eyes. But the tone in his voice didn't come off across as guarded as his body language or his face. Kaden knew that there was still a soft spot reserved for him in Mo.

Kaden took a deep breath and intently looked Mo in the eyes. 'My feelings for you haven't disappeared. I like you, Mo. You are cheeky as hell. You are breathtakingly gorgeous. You are funny. You are kind. You have a smile that could melt the sun if it had eyes.'

Mo's arms seemed to be loosening up and his face went from angered pout and judging eyes to his usual concentrating face. He was just simply listening.

'You showed up and kinda swooped me off my feet. And you gave me something I always wanted, something that was new to me. I loved it. I loved getting to know you and spending so much time with you. I loved that you forced me out of bed and got me to experience life through your eyes. I loved that you forced me to go running with you, even though I protested. You're an amazing guy. And I was falling for you.'

'And then Austin,' Mo whispered. Kaden could hear the disappointment in his voice. And the hurt in eyes.

'That has nothing to do with you, Mo.' Kaden stepped closer to Mo and grabbed his hand. 'I don't want you thinking that I'm choosing to be with him because you're not any good. You're perfect. And I would be lucky. For real. I think we'd be amazing together.' He let go of Mo's hand, realizing he was probably smiling uncontrollably. 'But Austin. There's a love there that's been brewing for a long time. We've gone back and forth trying to see if we were ready to be honest with each other. And now, it's brewed as perfectly as it could be. And the timing of that has gotten in the way of what you and I had, what you and I have. A part of me is selfish and wants to keep you close by, like a safety net. But that wouldn't be fair and I'd be putting you in what I went through. And I don't want to put you through any of that.' Kaden was sniffing as each word came out. 'I need to taste what Austin and I have been brewing because it might be the best thing I've ever had, and all of what we went through, to try to be together, would be worth it. Or it could end up being the worst thing in the world, and it will lead us totally hating each other. I don't know. But what I know is that if I don't try and I chose you instead, it will be worse because I'll always be thinking about what Austin and I could have had.'

They both took a deep breath at the same. Their eyes never left each other.

'And I'm sorry. Mauricio Alvarez, I am sorry. I wasn't honest with you and I left you in the dark. I'm sorry about that. And I'm sorry about yesterday. I was defensive and then I accused you of being phony, even though I knew nothing about that situation. That's something only you and Austin can talk about and hopefully talk through,' Kaden said with a bit of hope in his voice and curiosity in his eyes, as he tried to read Mo's reaction to that suggestion but Mo showed no readable reaction. 'I shouldn't have judged you. I'm sorry. And I will spend the rest of our friendship trying to make up for that if you still want me in your life after all of this.'

Mo leaned on his car and folded his arms tightly around him. 'I like you, Kaden. You're this precious, short little thing that just makes anyone who knows you want to be around you. You make them want to love you. You're like a black widow spider. But instead of killing and eating anyone who gets close to you, you wrap them in a shroud of love. I know we didn't get far enough to be talking about that four-letter word, but I did see myself possibly falling for you.' He had a solemn smile on his face when he turned to Kaden. And his eyes had a twinkle in them that made Kaden look away. 'A part of me hated myself for liking you because I could see it. You and him, I could see it. But I ignored that voice and I got to know you anyway.' His voice started to crack mid-sentence. Even he looked away.

When he gained composure again, he turned to Kaden. 'I wouldn't change it. I still wouldn't listen to that voice, if I could go back. You're worth the pain. You're worth it.' He took Kaden's hand and brushed against it. 'There's nothing to make up for. I don't want anyone else sitting next to me in all of the classes we share. But I'm going to need some time, to not be around toy outside of class. I need to get over you.'

Kaden smiled and nodded.

'And when I do, maybe we can go running in the mornings,' he said letting go of Kaden's hand.

In an effort to try to stop his tears, Kaden crinkled his nose and smiled. 'I'd love that, but I'll never tell you to your face when we actually do it.'

Mauricio pulled Kaden in and gave him a kiss on the forehead. A tear fell from Kaden's eye as he wrapped his arms tightly around Mauricio. They stayed like that for a moment or two. When they let go of each other, they shared a smile and went their separate ways. Kaden looked back as he put his earphones back on.

Mauricio accidentally dropped his helmet and bent to pick it up. Kaden watched him dust it off with great care and he even used his shirt to make sure the dirt was all of. Mauricio must have really loved football. He remembered a sweaty running Austin, who had the same love for the game. Kaden nodded to himself and said, 'Yup, could never be my life.'

He turned around, took his phone out, pressed play and smiled as he heard George Ezra's bass-baritone voice.