soho | yoonseok (editing so hard)

forty two

CHAPTER FORTY TWO

hoseok sat quietly opposite the pretty intimidating man. he had a suit - one that clung pretty well to his defined muscles. scratching was heard as the man took his ballpoint pen to the paper, writing across it. he sighed, looking up as hoseok smiled a little.

"when did it start again?" he was blunt. too blunt. hoseok hesitated slightly. he noticed and quickly scribbled it down. "i'm being too cold aren't i?" the other nodded slowly, the man opposite sitting back, the leather seat creaking beneath him. "let's start off with my name then." he stopped for a moment, eyes flicking to hoseoks lips before darting back up. "yuta."

hoseok nodded, shifting. he agreed to go at least one therapy session for yoongi. he glanced down at the floor. yoongi. the name saddened him. "i'm assuming you already know my name." he mumbled quietly.

"hoseok? isn't it? i'm not use to having such enclosed people. usually they like the whole cold thing. makes them feel less like i'm providing them with sympathy." yuta explained a little. he reminded hoseok of yoongi. maybe it was the eyes. the feline eyes. the cold eyes which slowly warmed over time. "can you answer my question now?"

hoseok hummed, tapping his fingertips against the arm of the chair. "i think it was my boyfriend." he spoke honestly, rubbing the back of his neck. "he um. he always use to stare at me like was the best thing that ever happened to him. but slowly he started to look the other way. like he knew what was happening but he chose to ignore it."

"and why do you think he looked away?" yuta began writing something else down, hoseok frowning and glancing at the pen before meeting his eyes again.

"because i'm fat."

silence ticked over the room. so much silence. why had there been so much silence recently. because there was so much to endure. so much to take in. everyone was trying to drink everyone's problems in. and no one was successful.

"maybe we should look at it from his point of view." yuta broke the silence. "he doesn't think you're fat. he just can't watch someone he loves kill themselves."

"but i'm not killing myself. i'm becoming perfect. just like jinnie." hoseok spoke quickly, spitting out excuses.

"who is this jinnie?"

"seokjin hyung. he's supposedly my brother. my father took him i whilst i was living with my mum. he was my replacement i guess you could say." hoseok slouched down, feeling exhausted already. this was only supposed to be an hour appointment. but it felt like it had been six.

"so you're feeling extra pressure not only from your boyfriend but from your father to be perfect? maybe even your brother?" yuta notes this down as he spoke, slowly coming to a conclusion. "have you ever thought of stepping away from this? going to a retreat? they could really help you."

hoseok pouted a little. "like a psychiatric hospital?"

yuta shook his head, reaching behind him, fingertips scrambling through leaflets before he pulled one out. "here. this is a small retreat not far from here. they will help you recover and give you that time away from everything."

hoseok took it hesitantly, nodding slowly. he stared at the front. it was all bright and happy, a small cabin plastered in the middle with the words 'calm and welcoming!' written across the front in what looked like comic sans.

"i'm not saying you have to do this. but i would like you to at least consider it."

the blonde nodded, placing it carefully into his bag with a sigh.

"i think that's our one hour up." yuta announced, finishing up his notes before placing the notebook away.

"already?" hoseok mumbled, grabbing his bag and standing up, the therapist following suit.

"we did sit in silence for around forty minutes." he chuckled, offering his hand for hoseok to shake. and he did, loosely gripping the mans hand before retracting and shoving his hand in his jeans pocket. "i'll like to see you again. same time next week?"

the other nodded, smiling and accepting the small appointment card, more than happy to finally be leaving the suffocating room.

but instead of heading straight home, hoseok wandered the dimly lit streets, eyes scanning all the neon lights. it hadn't changed much. and usually a brightly lit euphoria sign would've been hung up on the right corner. but instead - nothing.

he gently touched the brick, sighing as he glanced up, the marks still left from where he and seokjin nailed the sign in. he remembered that day. seokjin had nearly broke his neck when hoseok shook the ladder slightly, the eldest clinging onto the small gutter with all the strength in his body.

opposite, a burger place stood. still open, the light from the window illuminating the dark cobbled street. hoseok stepped towards it, glancing inside. only a couple of people were sat there, talking quietly amongst themselves. without anymore hesitation, he opened the door, stepping inside.

the sweet mouthwatering smell of meat immediately hit his nostrils, his mouth beginning to generate saliva as he headed to a menu, ordering the largest burger they had and taking a seat in a small booth near the window.

as the food arrived he quickly thanked the waiter, not even thinking before taking a huge bite, the flavours drowning his tastebuds as he ate and ate and ate. by the time he'd nearly finished, tears were flowing down his cheeks.

"hoseok?"

he stopped. food falling from his fingers. he glanced up, tilting his head. "yuta?"

yuta smiled, slipping in across from him. "i thought i saw you in here. i wasn't sure it was you." he gestured to the food in front as hoseok sighed, pushing the plate away. "eating your feelings?"

"no." hoseok mumbled, quickly going through his wallet. everything was happening so fast. life was happening so fast. why was it all so fast? "i need to go. please ignore me if you see me in public."

yuta held his hands up as he nodded. "sorry for disturbing your night." just as hoseok was about to place money down, his hand slammed down onto the table as yuta placed the correct amount down. strange. "i'll pay. see you next week."

and hoseok didn't argue as he ran out, running home to yoongi, trying to shake that uncomfortable feeling off of his back.