Blue Eyed Boy. (j.jk x k.th)

Thirteen: Out, damned spot

TRIGGER WARNING.

PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY BLOOD, DEATH, SELF HARM OR SUICIDE. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

"Of course." Namjoon spoke, eyes dawning in realization. "That's why you it was hard for you to tell us about them, you probably know a lot of them. Personally."

Jeongguk nodded silently.

"How could a Royal become a leader? If you were taken hostage, they could get information on all four subsections from you." Seokjin interjected.

"I begged." Jeongguk said in a low voice. "I couldn't be a Royal anymore. It was killing me. I could feel myself dying. I needed to get out, and when the previous leader of the Eyes was killed, it was the perfect opportunity for me. I thought it'd be an escape from my father."

"Was it?" Jimin asked quietly.

Jeongguk shook his head.

"In a way it was, I spent less time around him, but it was worse. We were killing, taking, and hurting people and I didn't know why. On top of it, I still saw him often. The Eyes are in close contact with the Royals, because their targets come directly from them, so I saw him every time I got a new assignment. Which was often."

"So you tortured people without even knowing why?" Yoongi asked quietly, his eyes steely. "Without even asking."

"I didn't have a choice."

"Why didn't you leave earlier then?" Yoongi asked. "If it was tearing you apart like you claim it was, why didn't you just leave?"

"I was fifteen when I took over the eyes operation." Jeongguk said flatly. A few eyes went wide. "I  couldn't get a drivers license, wasn't a legal adult, there was no way I could. And I got used to it. I know it sounds terrible, trust me, I know. But the only praise I ever got growing up was when I pulled the trigger, Yoongi." His eyes were dark, his face twisted in a snarl.

"Jeongguk, we get it." Namjoon said softly, gently. "We've all gone through what you have."

"How old were you when you first killed somebody?" Jeongguk said quietly. "How old were you, Namjoon."

There was a pause. Then, "Nineteen."

"I was eighteen." Taehyung said gently too, blue eyes distant.

"Twenty." Seokjin spoke, eyes on his bowl. 

"Fourteen." Yoongi said in a flat voice.

"I was Fourteen too." Hoseok spoke, eyes lowered.

"Eighteen." Jimin added, biting his lip.

Jeongguk looked from member to member, eyes hard, before his face seemed to crumple silently. 

"I was six years old."

The silence in the room was loud.

"She was the same age as me. I remember, because I would sometimes play with her. She would sometimes come cheer me up after beatings. Her mother was a servant. Her father was murdered by mine." The room remained dead silent.

"I already knew how to shoot a gun. I'd learnt. And when her mother tried to poison my father, she was shot in seconds. Her daughter ran into the room screaming, crying. My dad handed me his glock, loaded, and held her by her hair. He told me to shoot her. For what her mother did."

Jeongguk's eyes were hollow, haunted, his hands trembling below the table violently.

"I knew- I knew if I didn't what he did would be worse. So I did it. And I still remember the blood on her corduroy dress. I remember how her head lulled to the side and her feet stopped kicking. I remember her screams as they were cut short." His shoulders were shaking too, and he raised his eyes to look straight into Yoongi's.