Lyrical Lady

Girl in the Mirror

I look into the mirror.
I see her dimples and her long eyelashes.
I look at her eyes, they're big, they're pretty.
I look INTO her eyes, i spot a dead soul.
I see the secrets she doesn't share lying unuttered on her dry cracked lips.
I see a girl with no motivation,
I see a girl who has lost all hope,
A girl with no potential.
I see a girl who is not me.

I see a girl who once had potential,
Who was once considered able,
smart, special even
She is now but a shell of a human
She exists but she doesn't live.
She lives but wishes she didn't.

She is not me,
But then, who is she?
Is this who she really is?
In her eyes I can spot a cowering silhouette who refuses to come into the light.
The silhouette of a coward who refuses to speak up and chooses to hide instead.
She was brave once, she hid that self deep within her. She's controlled by fear and insecurities now.
She believes everything is less painful if she hides all signs of emotions and feelings.
Which she does.
Over the face of hurt and pain she paints a plain  mask of impassivenes
And she carries it well.

When did everything change?
Some say it was when one by one everyone left
But I still wonder exactly when,
Was it when self respect, love and trust left
Or perhaps when the empty seats they left behind were filled by hate, insecurities and anxiety?
Or maybe it was when her conscience took a beating and was replaced by the desire to be accepted and fit in.
Some questions are to be left unanswered and I believe this is one among those.

One more time i take a good look at the girl in the mirror,
I look at her, i see her,
I see her blinking with me, moving with me.
I stare at her, she stares in return.
I look in the mirror and a stranger looks back.
And i fear that,
That maybe its me in there afterall.