Lyrical Lady

Questions I wish I could ask.

I have a lot of questions I wish I could ask.
Straight up from my parents to my latest Crush.
I wish I could ask a lot of things.
I wish I could ask them without worrying about the future implications or consequences or jeopardizing our current relationships.

I wish I could ask the one that left why you did.
I wish I could ask the one with whom every single conversation now is awkward what changed between us.
I wish I could ask the one I used to spend all my time talking to why we barely talk anymore.
I wish I could ask the ones that hurt me why they made a mockery of my love for them.
I wish I could ask my caretaker why I take care of him instead.

I wish I could ask the one that I desperately want in my life if you could stay.
I wish I could ask my friends to never leave me, to not break my trust or my heart.
I wish I could ask my family to believe in me.
I wish I could ask my childhood to stay longer.
I wish I could ask life to not let me mature too soon.
I wish I could ask my crush to like me back.
I wish I could ask my friend to hug me tight and never let go.
I wish I could ask my bestfriend to let me hold her little finger tightly and never leave.
But some things in life are too unrealistic to ever bother imagining the 'what if's.

I wish I could ask myself that despite currently lying between two people who probably love me the most in my current environment, why i feel so starved of love.
I wish I could ask myself that despite everything going well in my life why I'm not satisfied.

I wish I could ask a lot of things to a lot of people.
I wish I could ask one-why you left.
To two-what changed Between us,
why we don't talk anymore.
To three-if you will also leave me,
if you will also betray me.
To four-if you think I'm just too psychotic for you,
If I'm too "crazy" to be wanted.
To five-if I'm too loud, if I'm too soft.
If I'm too skinny, too flat, too dead.
If I'm too much, if I'm too less.
To all if I was enough.

I wish I could ask every single one that's left-
Left either their scars on my body,
Or their places in my heart,
Or the trauma in my memories.
I wish I could ask all of you if I wasn't enough.
I wish I could ask the past if I ever was enough.
Will I ever be enough?
I don't know.
I just have a lot of questions I wish I could ask.