Neurotic // h.s

Prologue

sixteen years ago

I watched nervously as the man behind the counter kept his eyes focused on the old woman in front of him, directing her towards the best options for home telephones, completely facing the opposite direction.

I was in the corner of the technology store more towards the front door, I could easily run out the door.

Even though the store was kept at a cool temperature my forehead was full of beams of sweat as I looked around at the people around me, a little panicky. Maybe I can do do it, anything will help at this point, especially with my husband out of work as well as me. 

My wild eyes scanned the options of newer flatscreens in front of me until they landed on the most expensive one, contemplating my next decision.

Should I have gone to a less populous store, probably so? But at least the workers are content with other customers, no one will raise any suspicion. 

Maybe it isn't the smartest idea to go with the most expensive television in the store, but I'm left with no option. I fumbled with my fingers in front of me staring down at my dirty sneakers as thoughts of the future invaded my mind. 

The things I could buy with the money would mean the most to our family, diapers, dinner. Ever since my pregnancy, my working abilities have become very limited. My body just isn't the same as it was before, but I'm not complaining about my children, I would do anything for them. 

My dirty fingers comb back my greasy hair shakily before my glaze falls towards the door, I'd have a straight shot out from right here.  

I need to do this, for them, for us. Our family needs this. 

I don't allow my mind to think another thought that may change my mind. 

I act fast, unplugging the flatscreen, ignoring the stares from the customers around me. Then I grab the television out of the shelved display, it being much easier than I had anticipated.

Deep down inside me, I know this isn't right, but when it comes to my children, I will do what it takes to keep them safe. 

I hike it up further up in my arms to get a better grip as I heard the man from the counter yell," Excuse me!"

But I was already out of the door before I could hear anything else. 

The cold wind hits my face as I run out of the store doors as fast as my feet can take me, I hear multiple people yell for me to stop, but that doesn't stop me.

You do what you have to do for family. 

I quickly look back to see that several people are on my trail, and there was a police car parked not too far from the store.

Oh no, I didn't even look for police.

My feet take me to an old alley I didn't recognize, hoping it would somehow lead me home, but to my demise, the alley was a dead end.

The ally was full of trash, it was dim and dark. 

I panicked, this was the end. 

With a policeman hot on my trail, I ran as far bad into the alley as I could, magically hoping and exit would appear.

Out of options I stop what I'm doing and turn around facing the cop defeated.

"Don't move," The larger man with a bald head demands.

This is the end, who is going to take care of my family? No one will be there for them, to see my baby's first steps, to watch them go to kindergarten.

I nervously shift the flatscreen in my arms, struggling to hold it up.

"I said don't move!" The officer sternly yells as he inches closer to me. He looks as if he's seen a ghost, as sweat beams down his face, and his breaths become louder.

He can't see what's behind the television.

I won't be able to feel my heart swell with pride as I watch them at their graduation. 

My hands are clammy, pooling with sweat, making the television harder and harder to grip.

"You are not going to put the T.V down until I say so, alright?" The stout man informs me as his gun shakes in his hand.

Or watch them, with tearful eyes, as their future wives walk down the aisle.

"There's nothing behind the television sir," I try to justify myself, nervously unaware of how things could end.

I start to rip my hands away from the flatscreen. 

I won't be able to witness the pure joy that radiates off them when they watch their first child come into this world.

" I said, Don't Move!" The officer bellies harshly as his voice becomes shaky. This is no place to die. 

I won't be able to grow old with my husband, and say that our love lasted through it all. 

But my hands were slipping, I couldn't hold up this T.V alone.

I tried to keep it in my grip, but it just couldn't.

I'm going to miss it all. 

I watched as the eyes of the cop gleamed in full terror as the flatscreen swiftly left my arms.

A cool gust of wind hit my face, and my face relaxed. This is it.

"Stop!" The cop screamed at me, his voice laced with nerves. 

If only he knew, there was nothing in my hands, but he acted too fast.  

Then, with the gun pointed at me, my eyes filled with tears, I knew how this was going to end. 

Maybe it won't be so bad, I thought as the bullet came towards me almost in slow motion, I will watch over them from above, I will make sure that they are alright by the grace of God.

As the bullet hit me, I relaxed, and I was okay.  

And it was over. 

AN

it gets better just keep reading