Long Gone

Chapter XI

I'm staring in the dark water. I see something moving under the surface. I don't even blink. If it's a monster, then it's a monster and I don't care. I'm sitting on a rock with my feet in the water. It's not a monster. Just a fish with big, sharp teeth. We're having a staring competition. It wins. 

Lately I've been feeling really uncomfortable. My mind is a mess, I can't feel anything but fear and I'm falling apart. After McGonagall received information about O'Connell, he disappeared. No one's still been able to find him. He scared me with his presence but also with his absence. This is terrible. Outside I'm trying to act normal. I'm trying to be my normal enchanting self, I really am. But it's hard and sometimes I crack, especially after having a particularly cruel vision. My friends are always there for me, even if they're as scared as I am. With the news about the visions that witches and wizards have, everybody's really starting to lose it. Some students have left Hogwarts to go home. They probably thought that it'd be or at least feel safer there. I don't think it does. Me and my friends are staying in Hogwarts until O'Connell is captured, or until I get the Elder wand and can end this fear.

My visions nowadays are mostly about Severus Snape. Some of the visions are full of action, but I get bored because I've seen everything so many times. At night, when I'm asleep, I'm still having visions. They are always the same two.  Every other night I stand on a meadow watching Snape, who's sitting a few meters away from me. In this vision, he's about my age. Nothing ever happens, except he sits there, I stand here and stare at him. Time goes by. Neither of us do anything. The other nights aren't so boring, but not interesting either. In that vision I stand in the corner of the potions classroom and watch Snape brew different kinds of potions. In this vision, Snape is way older and clearly already a teacher. He wears this long, dark cloak robe thing and somehow it's so hot. Wait what? Did I just say hot? Well I mean... He is hot in a weird, mysterious way. I guess staring at him all night long makes my mind wonder stuff. 

I get back to the castle before the night falls. I see some students in the hallway rushing to their dormitories. They're not looking directly towards me, and no one even tries to talk to me. This feels so weird. Like, people still respect me as the queen of this school, but now they're also so much more scared of me. People talk, and rumors spread quickly. Everybody knows about my ability to have visions by now.

I'm in my dorm room chatting with Elodie. She's brushing her red hair and sitting on her bed.

"Did you have any visions today?" she asks, but she already knows the answer. I just nod and start talking about muggle studies. It's weird how I used to think about literally anything else to avoid thinking about school but now it's all I talk about. I have to get my mind off of my visions. 

After a few minutes I lie down on my back and shut my eyes.

***

There he is, Snape again. He's brewing one of his potions. Like usually, I just lean on the wall and watch him from across the room. I'm so bored. Suddenly a thought hits me.

Why am I just standing there, while I'm clearly able to move and walk around? Why have I been standing here all nights when I could do some research? I'm just so used to the fact that I can't usually control the visions I have. But these are different - they're visions mixed with dreams. I take a cautious step towards Snape. He's using his wand to get the potion mixed right. It's a beautiful wand, by the way. A lot cooler than mine. 

As I'm getting closer I notice more features about him than before. He looks really sad. I wonder if he looks like that around people. I walk until I'm next to him, then I stop. He doesn't notice me. But Carolyn and Elodie made me read something that taught me that sometimes I can talk to people in visions and sometimes they respond. 

"Hey" I start cautiously. He frowns but doesn't show any other kind of response. I clear my voice.

"Excuse me" I say a little louder. He stops the brewing and looks at my direction, but not at me. He looks directly through me. Snape looks so confused, but now I know at least he can hear me. 

"Severus?" Now he blinks, then it seems like he slowly begins to see me. Finally he's looking into my eyes.

"..."

"Oh hi Severus, I thought you'd never notice me", I chuckle. He opens his mouth but for a moment nothing comes from there.

"You are Severus Snape, yes?" I ask. I don't know, he could be just someone who looks like him. Hmm actually, no he's not Snape. He's just inside my head but it's true, he's the same as Snape was.

"...Yes?" he finally responds. His voice is so dark and deep. Oh, He continues talking.

"What are you doing here?"

Oh my God he talks so slowly. I mean, at the beginning of the sentence he talked slowly, but then it got faster. Am I overthinking this? I'm definitely overthinking this. But his voice and the way he talks is so hot! I mean, I'm surprised every time I hear him. He's talked actually pretty much in all of my visions, but never directly to me. I feel myself blushing. Oh God.

"I just thought I could talk to you, because you know, I'm bored", I say nervously. Now I have all of his attention.

"Are you even a student at Hogwarts? I haven't seen you before," he asks looking at me with his dark, dark eyes. I take a deep breath. Seems like breathing near him is extremely hard. I think I might already have a crush on him. 

"Yeah, I'm a student alright." I try to stay calm and not show how I'm really feeling. Snape frowns again. 

"You just haven't seen me, because we live in different times. You see, you died like twenty years ago or something", I explain. Shit, I probably shouldn't have said that. He looks a bit upset. He doesn't say anything for a minute and just turns to stare at the ceiling. I'm looking for words to fill the silence with, but before I say anything, he starts talking.

"A vision", he guesses. "Why me?"

He's looking directly to me now. I can feel my heart pounding.

"I don't know", I whisper. I want to talk to him so much more. I want to get to know him. But before we can talk any more, I feel myself distancing from the dream, and I wake up. 

Tomorrow I'll try again.