Long Gone

Chapter IX

I'm in the Great Hall, only it's quieter than usual. All the noise that usually makes me feel like people around me are alive is gone. The large space that's usually filled with laughter and loud talking is now cold and cheerless. People prefer staying in their common rooms nowadays. They still have fun, they need it to stay alive, now they just hide in smaller rooms. I understand it. It feels safer.

I would hide too, if I were them. But I feel like I'm in the middle of this. I turn my face towards the ceiling and watch as a lighting strikes through the fake sky.

Suddenly I feel so lonely. There are a couple of students here in the Great Hall, but no one is alone like me.

I look at my parchment on the table. I see all the visions that I've drawn there. A doe, which I now believe is a patronus, the Deathly Hallows, a lily, bunch of random words and half sentences. They're all memories, just not mine. They're mostly Snape's. I pick my quill and start drawing a sketch of Severus. As I connect lines to others the ink starts spreading and ruins my drawing, but it doesn't matter. This drawing doesn't show how Severus looks like. It shows how he feels like, well felt like, and I realize it's not like anything I've ever been through.

I finish the drawing, but I can't put the quill away. My eyes start tearing up, my heart feels broken, and my brain feels all foggy and messy. Suddenly it feels like my drawing comes to life.

To love and not be loved back. To be a hero that no one knows about. To be bullied, to be forever tortured, to be a human with devil's mask. To die for a reason, but to be buried in vain in most minds, to sacrifice everything for nothing.

Could imagine that makes one a little bitter.

Makes one want more.

Severus is only human, is, not was.

I notice my eyes are closed, so I open them. Everyone in the Great Hall is looking at me. I'm panting, not exactly controlling myself, and something pulls me back there, back there in my mind.

What is happening to me? Why is this happening?

I see O'Connell, I see him holding the answer. The answer is a wand. But it's not the Elder wand.

***

"Tell me again" Elodie says, frowning. "What was he holding??"

"Snape's wand" I sigh.

We're in a quidditch match again. This is the only place and time when people are being loud. For a small time people just bury their fear and enjoy being alive.

"How do you know it was Snape's?" Elodie asks. I yawn.

"I just know, ok? I just know."

The Hufflepuff beater is about to fall from his broom, so the Ravenclaw players take advantage of the other Hufflepuffs' concern and while they focus on the beater, ravenclaws earns lots of points.

"We need to start brewing the Wideye potion tonight" Elodie decides. I agree. For what I know, O'Connell might have already figured out how to repair the Elder Wand.

I just lean on the railing, let myself relax for a moment and hope that someone falls from their broom.

***

I made Jackson and Alyssa steal everything we need to brew the potion. Now I'm in our base with my gang.

I honestly have no idea what we're doing. I mostly watch as the others do the job. I mean, I'm more powerful than any of them, but when it comes to knowledge, my strategy is to leave it to others. After a while Carolyn waves her wand and stands up.

"Is it ready?" I ask and stand up myself too. Carolyn checks her watch.

"No. That was just step one."

I frown. "How many steps are there?" Elodie looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"Y/N, you should know this. This is a basic potion, kind of simple actually, and also not unusual -" She says.

"Well I'm sorry, but I suck at potions" I  say quickly. Jackson chuckles.

"What are you laughing?" I ask him.

"You're the best on our class, Y/N" he says. I chuckle back.

"I'm maybe good if I have a book, or an Elodie, next to me, but without proper instructions I can't do sh*t" I say. Then I begin to think about Jackson, and how he always fails in making potions in our shared class. And now he's actually pretty good, and he seems to know what he's doing.

"How about you? Why are you so good now but you suck in class?" I ask, but he seems so embarrassed that I just leave it be.

"He's afraid of teachers" Alyssa whispers in my ear. Understandable. I mean, who isn't?

Carolyn's face tells that she wants attention, so I give it to her.

"You have something to say, haven't you?" I say. She nods.

"This is a copper cauldron, so we'll leave it here to brew for eight hours. So everyone comes here right after breakfast and we'll do step two."

"Is it the last step?" Cecil asks. She's not too loud nowadays, I guess she's afraid like the rest of us.

"Yeah, it's the last one. After that we're just going to have to add lavender. I have no slightest idea why, because it will ruin the potion. But the book said that we should, so we will." Carolyn sighs deeply and looks extremely serious, as always. She seems to have nothing more to say, so I talk instead.

" I guess we all could use a good night's sleep. We can never know what's going to happen tomorrow."

They all agree, and we go separated ways to our dormitories, to our beds, but I don't think that any of us really sleeps well at all. We can't know whats going to happen, but we sure know that it's something big.