i'm not a child anymore | MOB PSYCHO 100

Chapter 10

He had never been good with emotions. Without even knowing, his parents had emotionally stunted him to the placid, blank-faced person he is today. It wasn't their fault, really. They shouldn't have to deal with somebody like him, with psychic powers that can hurt and kill and pain so much. Shigeo sometimes wished that he was born as a normal human being, completely ordinary and average. He wished.

But then, he would walk into Reigen's office and he would remember that all this happened because he was an esper. Without his powers, he would never have met Reigen. He would never have met such brilliant friends and created such a strong bond with his little brother. Psychic abilities took away so much from him. Friends he could have had, clubs he could have joined, relationships that could have bloomed, talent that could have developed. But it gave back so much.

Though its gifts may as well be curses.

Reigen was Reigen, and he had the mindset of an entrepreneur. He was good at talking and kept a cool mask over his face wherever he went. He was vague in a way that felt direct. He could tell what Shigeo was thinking and what he wanted. Of course, that didn't mean he was going to give it.

Why, he wanted to ask. Why was he always rejected in that awful, ambiguous way every single time? Why couldn't he get a clear answer? Why couldn't Reigen just say what he was really thinking?

He wanted to ask, but he didn't, because he knew, deep down, he didn't want to know. No meant the end. The end of possibilities and all the hope he had gathered over the span of his life. Deep down, Shigeo knew Reigen still saw him as a child, the kid with a bad haircut who walked into his office uninvited all those years ago. Even though he was bigger, older, more mature. He didn't get it. How tall, how old, how mature did Shigeo have to get for him to change his views?

What was going on in his shishou's mind?

Shigeo took a deep breath and tried to work up the courage to ask. It was an internal struggle just to get the words out, much less imagine how Reigen would respond to the question. He could smell Reigen's cheap cologne with each breath he took, and he resisted the yearning to bury his face in the blond man's hair.

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"Why?" He managed.

The hand that Reigen had hesitantly curled around his side tightened. "Why what?" He asked smoothly, hiding his face and looking down. "Specify, Mob."

Why don't you like me?

He wanted to ask. But Shigeo knew that if Reigen was in his position, those would not be the words sliding out of his mouth. He could already hear the words echoing behind him – too bid, too distraught, too desperate. If he and Reigen reversed rolls, Mob was sure the perfect sentences would already be formed in his head by now.

But Shigeo was no speaker, not good at communicating what he was feeling, nor did he have a talent with bluffing. It was no wonder Reigen share his feelings. Even beside each other, they were worlds apart.

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So, instead, Shigeo raked through his mind and struggled to find better words, perfect words. After a too long of a pause, he mumbled through his tears, "Will you miss me, shishou?"

He was startled to hear Reigen snort. Even more so when his master pulled him close and heaved an exasperated sigh. "You're kidding me, right?" He said breathlessly through small bouts of laughter. "You've worked for me for, how many years? I can't just toss you aside like that."

Perfect words, the exact ones Shigeo wanted to hear. It should have made him feel better, but the iron fist around his chest only squeezed tighter. Reigen may have had expressive faces, but when he really, really wanted, nobody could see through his façade. Least of all Mob, who could barely distinguish between two people.