Real Life

⑲I Can't Do This Anymore

 
As soon as Jungkook’s awareness rushed back to him, he sensed a weight over his frame, and he opened his eyes to inspect. The said eyes swelled impossibly as they took in Taehyung’s face closer than ever before, with his arm and leg draped over him. He’s hugging me while he’s sleeping. What to do, what to do, what to—

His freakout subsided as Taehyung shifted, turning his back to him, and Jungkook pushed himself to a sitting position. He gazed at him, smiling unconsciously. Why is he so cute? A shiver shot down his back once he registered the thought that flashed up into his head, and he hurried out of the bed.

He visited the bathroom to freshen up, then the kitchen to drink some water. He returned to his bedroom and stood beside the door, viewing Taehyung’s sleeping form.

“What are you doing?”

Jungkook flinched and snapped his head away. “You’re awake...”

“And you’re weird.” Taehyung sat up in the bed. “I woke up when you got out of bed.”

“I see... Do you want coffee?”

“Yes.”

As Jungkook took off towards the kitchen, Taehyung swiftly went to the bathroom and soon joined him.

“I’ll go change before making the coffee,” Jungkook said and departed when he received a nod.

Taehyung settled down on the couch. He reached for the remote control from the coffee table, but it slipped from his hand. With a sigh, he bent down to grab it. His eyes caught a notebook scattered on the floor, and he picked it up.

A mask of dolorous shock ripped across his face at once upon reading the first few lines. Footsteps echoed behind him, then different noises indicating that Jungkook was preparing their coffee, but he couldn’t focus on anything else than what was written in this notebook.

He continued reading through hazy eyes, his stomach twisting more and more with a gruesome mix of pain and fury. A suffocating stiffness encircled his muscles, rendering his whole existence frozen solid.

Jungkook’s steps as he neared him with two cups of coffee in his hands faltered, and his little smile evaporated from his face. Restlessness instantly seeped into every part of him, his heart lunging into a gallop. He set the cups on the table, almost spilling some of the coffee because of the tremor of his hands, and he sank down next to him. “Tae—”

“These are your thoughts?” Taehyung’s voice erupted from him in a thunderous wave of pure rage. “About yourself?”

Jungkook twitched, digging his chin into his chest. “Yes, but—”

“Fuck, Jungkook.” He slammed the notebook against the floor and sprang up from his seat. “Are you kidding me? Even when a day passes and I don’t see you, I go crazy, and you think that nobody cares about you? That you’re alone in this? That nobody will care if something happens to you? Fuck!”

Taehyung paced in the room, gripping his hair, unable to calm down. The veins in his neck throbbed, every inch of him engulfed by his searing wrath. “I really hate myself for letting you think about yourself these things, and I hate you for letting yourself do it!”

Jungkook’s lower lip started trembling, and the wetness in his eyes got so thick it poured down in wavelets. “I-I hate myself too.”