Queen of the Moon

Part 18: To War

The trip to Weirwoods is almost less than a day by dragon. I was there sometime in the middle of the night. I was so upset I didn't even stop to be surprised at the fact that Lord Blackmoon, I guess now King Andrew, had let me fly all the way to Weirwood alone. Even felt secure enough to allow me to stay in Weirwood unaccompanied. Things must've been that bad at the Moon Palace that he was too overwhelmed to worry about me. I doubted it was because he trusted in my abilities to take care of myself and get to Weirwood safely. Everyone was asleep but there were servants and knights to greet me and bring me to a room.

In the morning, several Weirwoods came to check on me, mainly the princesses as the princes were busy preparing a war and dismantling men. I stayed in my usual room for a few days and didn't leave. Did a lot of crying and feeling sorry for myself. Had all my meals brought up to the room. Weirwoods came to check if I was alive about once a day but mostly left me alone which I was grateful for. I woke up one night as I had slept all day and told myself I wasn't going to cry anymore. I just decided. I was now a queen and I needed to be strong for my people. So I washed my face, dried it off and thought to make my presence known in the palace. Dinner had long been done and all that was left was conversations in the sitting room while Cassandra played piano.

Princess Rebecca read a book while Princess Erica worked on her needlework. I sat in an armchair by the fire.

"How are you faring?" Erica asked. I smiled a bit looking at them all, perfectly ladylike, they'd been raised properly to be princesses and women to accentuate their beauty and grace. To one day decorate some guys arm. Whereas me I was raised with men, I was trained with swords and dragon taming. I would never be the girl that decorates a mans arm.

"I wish I were born a boy," I said. Which made everyone laugh. I found it hard to sit around while a lot of the men and boys I'd grown up with known and loved were fighting this war and dying, for me and my family on a war I caused just by existing and being wanted by men. It didn't seem fair I should be fighting. I didn't even bother to ask King Andrew to participate. I could see the look on his face now, of absolute shock and appall.

"We already know that. You are the least lady like princess I know," said Cassandra.

"Don't you all feel useless, sitting here playing your piano and reading your novels. While the men are out there, risking their lives and necks for my kingdom?" I asked. They all exchanged confused looks.

"No," they said collectively.

"It's not what we were meant to do. Take the pass. Its difficult being a man. I could not stand seeing all of those blood and guts and nearly getting killed all of the time. I will take the most painful bloody birth over that any day," said Rebecca.

I couldn't be useless anymore. I got up.

"Have you ever even fought in a battle before? You act all brave and tough but things change when a big strong man has a sword in your face. I bet all the knights you sparred let you win," said Erica.

She might've been right about that. I did consider that if I ever were actually in a battle it'd be a lot tougher than I thought. There was one thing I knew I could do and handle quite well and that was dragon riding. Noone could say I was shit at that or that I was allowed to be good at it. I was good at it.

Out on the fields, I saw Sir Nathaniel, the guy who'd trained me to be a dragon rider, he was prepping a batch of men to fly out to battle. I walked up to him and nodded and he greeted me with a bow.

"Your highness," he said, "How are you faring?"

"Miserable," was all I said.

"Must be tough, losing your whole family the way you did," he said. I was mostly talking about how I hated being unable to do anything. But sometimes I forgot my family was dead, which was weird, and then people would remind me, and then it'd hurt all over again. It felt as if he'd knocked the wind out of me. I blinked hard to stop my eyes from stinging.

"Wish I could join you guys," I said, nodding towards the men who were prepping their dragons for battle.

"You would've made an amazing dragon rider, were you not a lady," said Nathaniel.

"Right," I said, and then I curtsied and went on my way.

Were I not a lady, I kept saying to myself. Were, I not a lady. I remembered those nights at the Darkseas in blurs, the feeling of helplessness, of being unable to move as Cory grabbed at my naked body. The moments when he tried to be tender disgusted me more than anything. The kisses on the cheek, tender sweeps of hair at my brow. I remember cringing and turning my face and pulling away, those small things I was able to do, the rest of my body, frozen in place.

I wondered what Jacob's last moments were like, as he fought, furiously to defend me. Did it hurt a lot? Was there blood? How was Andrew even? One second ago, just a noble, tending court and running his own house, now responsible for an entire kingdom? Were we even married? We never completed the ceremony. They took away my maidenhood, then they took away my family, my right to a noble marriage, and now they even took away the happiest day of my life. I was going to make them pay.

"Tuckleberry," I called, the name of my faery, in the darkness of my room. He came almost instantly, in a flurry of sparkling light.

"Hey lovely!" he said, swirling around my head and leaving glittering sparks in his wake.

"I need your help," I said.

"Hey, guess what? I visited Andrew last night, I pulled on his hair in his sleep! He was so mad," said Tuck.

"Please stop doing that," I said, shaking my head, "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything," said Tuck, staying still for a moment, in front of my face.

"I need you to help me, look like a man," I said.

He just started laughing, holding onto his belly and laughing and his laughter sounded like bells. I waited for him to stop.

"I'm serious," I said, "I'm going to disguise myself as a guy and go into the war."

He stopped laughing and was blinking at me, "Why?"

"Just, help me, help disguise me so I can pull it off. The dragon tamers are flying out at sunrise. We don't have much time," I said.

"Yay, shenanigans. We haven't done anything like this since you were small. Of course, I'm with you. Let's do this," said Tuck.