Nameless

Chapter 13

It's been almost a month since I was put down here. Robert brings me three meals a day now, although I'm not sure why. Him & Jim made me piss in a cup last week, you know, like how they do it at the doctor's offices? But they haven't told me why. Jim talks to me a lot more now though. Always asking if I'm okay or if I need anything. He kisses me a lot more now too.

I still hated him for taking my virginity, which I hadn't thought about until about now, which is why I chose to fill you in at this particular moment. Jim made sure that he um.. well.. released himself inside of me, not at my approval obviously, but it was kind of nice. Not the releasing part, the whole having sex part. I did love him, and I knew that we both were thinking about doing it for a while, but we just never took the time to actually do it. I guess we both got what we desired after all, just in a twisted, fucked up way. You're probably at the point in reading where you're saying 'Jesus, this girl is clueless.' I am not clueless, I know that I could be pregnant. It's just that my periods aren't regular. It comes at least every two to three months. Just clarifying for you, I am not clueless as to what can happen. I could possibly be carrying Jim's baby, but there's no real way of telling until I miss my period. Although, I did hear Robert yelling at him the other day from upstairs. I heard, "You God-damned idiot!" And then I passed out from lack of eating and sleeping.

On a brighter note, I've been feeling a lot better considering Robert stopped drugging me two days ago. I'm still considering that the possibility of my pregnancy may get me out of here. Also, I think my mom--well, Olivia, has been coming down here to check on me every night. Sometimes, I'll hear soft footsteps coming down the steps, a pause, and then harder footsteps going back up. She'll sometimes root around, find a blanket, and place it over my body. I don't know why, maybe she'll be the only person left that has potential to be trusted. She must've liked me since she kept me around for this long. She did raise me, she had to enjoy watching me grow or something. Or maybe she and I are in the same boat. Robert did take us both away from our families, and I'm sure being his wife is torturous enough. Why she agreed to marry him, I have no idea. I'm sure it was probably against her will. Sad, but true. I'm being held here against my will, so why would he have mercy toward Olivia? He wouldn't. Unless he really loved her, which I doubt was the case.

"You decent?" Jim shouted down the stairs. He still had to go to school, even though his first priority is terrorizing his girlfriend--better yet, ex-girlfriend. He must've made up a lie to tell everyone at school. I literally have not left this spot since last month.
"Yes."
He came down the steps gently and slowly. He had something in his hand, a box and a piece of paper on top. "This is for you."
"What is it?" No one could have sent me a present, no one knows where I am. "I don't know, but the paper is from me. I thought you should know about this. "
He handed the package and paper to me. I looked up at his eyes and he smiled a little. "I, um.. I just uh.."
"Jim.." I touched his hand. He looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Annie. I don't know why I..I shouldn't have um.."
"Jim, please. Just tell me. "
He couldn't be in love with me. Please don't say you're in love with me, please don't say you're in love with me. "I'm so sorry, Annie. I..I love you." Damn it.
"Jim.. I.." I looked at him so carefully. His face fell, but he opened his mouth again, "Annie, I know. It's okay. "
I did love him. He knew I loved him. But I hated him. He taught me how to love when I didn't want to learn. He taught me how to care about someone more than yourself when I didn't want to. He taught me how to kiss when I didn't need to learn. He showed me what falling in love was like when I didn't want to see. And I hated him. Because I never wanted to fall in love. I didn't need to fall in love. I shouldn't have felt that way about another person. I was stupid, and sometimes, I blame myself. Mainly because I let myself fall for him without seeing the consequences. It left me heartbroken, stuck in a basement, and possibly pregnant. I hated Jim. I would never stop hating him. But I would never stop loving him either. "I do love you Jim..," his face lit up, "..but I can never forgive you. " He inhaled deeply and looked down at my hands. "I just.. you broke my heart, or maybe I broke my own heart. I depended on you. I trusted you. I expected things from you. So, in reality, I guess I broke my own heart. But, I will not forgive you for taking my virginity without my consent, and I will never forgive you for doing this to me. Ever. "

Jim left a few minutes after that. He just kind of looked at me for the remaining duration of his stay down here. I loved him, yes, but I'm not the type of soft-souled girl who will forgive after two seconds of fighting or two seconds of apologizing. At least, I'm not like that anymore. I've learned that if someone really cares about you, they will make time for you. No matter what you're doing or what they're doing. They will try to contact you if you haven't been around for a few days or weeks. Jim never did that for me. I once missed a week and a half of school for a vacation to the Bahamas and Jim did not even call once. But when I came back he asked where I was. I got so pissed off, I said straight to his face, "I'm pretty sure you have my phone number. Why don't you try and give me a call like a real boyfriend would next time and you'll find out." He doesn't have to call me now, I'm pretty much his prisoner. I looked at the package that he left intently. What could be inside of it? I crawled over to the box and picked up the paper he left on top of it. I read one sentence and I immediately dropped it, knowing exactly what it was.

Robert hasn't spoken to Jim in a few days, or so I'm told. Probably because I could be pregnant. I'm not afraid of being pregnant, I'm afraid of the baby itself. What if it has a messed up mind like Jim's? I don't know. I'm a senior in high school. But to Robert, I'm just another victim/missing girl. Speaking of, I wonder who my real parents are. And if they gave up on me, if they're still searching, if they'll be able to track me down. You know that sarcastic saying, "my life has been a lie," well.. in my case, that statement is true. Honestly, I don't even have an idea of what my name could be. Aside from Molly Slaten of course. Maybe my parents had another child to replace me, or maybe things had gotten so bad they had to move to another country to escape memories of me. I couldn't put anything together. Nothing felt like it was right.

I wonder what life would have been like if I'd never gone missing.