The Test

PROLOGUE

CARLY

BEFORE I THOUGHT OF THIS STORY, I already knew the beginning and the end.

Well, at least, that's what I thought.

Basta, bago ako sumampa sa barkong ito, buo na ang pasya ko. At alam ko na ang gagawin kapag nakarating na ako sa dadaungan nito.

Lumingon ako sa kanan ko. Sumalubong ang amoy ng dagat na humalo sa malakas na hangin. Tinulak nito ang bawat hibla ng buhok kong halos hindi na sumayad sa aking likod at batok.

Masyado pang maaga. Nagtatago pa sa ilalim ng dagat ang araw, pero sumisirit na sa matamlay na kalangitan ang liwanag niya. There must be something about the ocean that makes you contemplative...emotional...poetic. Or maybe, it's because that's what the ocean was-a big poetry. It was a poetry so deep, mysterious...dangerously beautiful. Pumupukaw sa damdamin tulad ng pagtapik ng mga alon sa barko. Nalalasahan mo kahit hindi dumadampi sa iyong mga labi, tulad ng paghalo ng alat ng dagat sa amoy ng hangin. You either let it drown you, make you feel nauseated, cleanse you, or drift you into beautiful places. Either way, it will still be called a beautiful poem. And you'll only understand it if you can swim.

Naihilig ko na lang ang ulo ko. Napapaisip lang yata ako ng ganitong bagay dahil sa view...

O dahil sa kanya.

Naihagod ko na lang sa railing ng barko ang kamay ko. I shouldn't. There might be some germs or something, but again, the mood was making me thoughtful, poetic...dramatic.

Walang pinagkaiba si Ian sa karagatan. He's deep, mysterious...dangerously beautiful. There was something about him that made me feel strange-both in a scary and pleasant way. Para siyang sumasambit ng tula na tumatapik sa damdamin ko kapag nagsasalita. In just a few weeks, he already brought me a roller coaster of emotions-he made me feel drowned, nauseated...in awe.

Cleansed? No... Oh, no, I don't know anymore.

Another problem was, I didn't know how to swim his ocean.

And I shouldn't learn.

My mind stopped these thoughts; my heart pounded loudly as Ian appeared. Bed hair was sexily tousled. Bukod sa malikot ang kanyang mga kamay at imahinasyon, malikot din siyang matulog. Namumungay ang mga mata niya, bagong gising. Nanatiling tikom ang mga labi niyang mamula-mula pa, pero medyo nagbabalat sa bandang ibaba nito. I only noticed the chapping the moment he got closer to me. Tiningala ko siya. Humalili siya sa amoy ng dagat.

I could smell myself on his body.

And I didn't know if I should feel ashamed or proud.

Napayuko na lang ako. Mas hinigpitan ko ang pagkakayapos ng knitted cardigan sa aking katawan. Dahil sa malakas na pagaspas ng hangin at pagbaba ko ng tingin, nakita kong manulas-nulas ang tela ng suot niyang camisa de chino. My lips parted at how the thin fabric provided less for my imagination. His nipples, hard chest, and the line etched from below his chest that led to his navel...I saw then all vaguely. Vague because of his shirt's fault.

The last thing I wanted to see was that trail of thin hair below his navel. It was positioned to lure the curious, and I was one of those curious people. My eyes always fell into this trap of following where that trail would go. Pinutol ng waist band ng kanyang drawstring pants ang pagsunod ng mga mata ko sa hiblang iyon.

Lalo kong hinigpitan ang pagkakahila sa cardigan payakap sa akin. My whole body trembled. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa lamig ng hangin iyon, o namimintig dahil kailangan ko siya....

"Sa loob ng dalawang oras," interupsyon ni Ian sa iniisip ko, "makakarating na tayo sa pier."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. Mukhang hindi siya apektado sa nangyari kagabi. Hindi mababakas sa kanya ang pagkabahala. Dahil ba inasahan na niya ito sa akin base sa buhay ko? O dahil tulad ko, alam niya ring walang patutunguhan kung magpapaapekto siya?

Siguro nga, dapat ganito rin ang iasal ko. Tulad ng isang tula, you needed to move on from a beautiful one...or you'll be unable to appreciate the next ones you read.

Or maybe, you should stick to your all-time favorite, for it made more sense than the ones that you'll read after.

I don't know.... I don't know anymore....

"May susundo ba sa atin?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Sana mayroon. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ko makakayang pigilan ang sarili ko. Pigilang magsalita ng may kinalaman sa mga nangyari kagabi. Magandang distraction kung may iba kaming makakasama, kung may ibang tao akong makakausap.

"Wala," malumanay niyang wika.

It should have made my heart sink. But hell, it drummed in my chest with excitement.

Being still alone with Ian... Just me and Ian...

"At hindi na kailangan," patuloy niya. "Dahil alam ko naman kung nasaan dito si Zacharias."

I couldn't explain why my heart broke. It broke the moment he mentioned Zacharias.

That's when the shame began creeping in.

Ano kaya ang iniisip ni Ian ngayon? Na ganito akong klase ng babae?

Or...

Oh, no. No, he couldn't. He couldn't have figured me out yet. I had been careful.

So, so careful, except last night...

Because just like what I said, I already knew the beginning.

And it all began with Zacharias...