The Test

2

CARLY

HINDI KO ALAM. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko.

Nagsimula na akong mag-alala. Inabot kasi si Daddy at ang driver ng alas-diyes sa daan. It was very unusual. And if daddy ever had important late night meetings or business dinners, he always made sure I know. At pinapaalam niya iyon sa mga katulong para hindi nila damihan masyado ang handa sa mesa.

Tinalo na ako ng gutom, mga thirty minutes mula nung naupo ako sa dining room. Medyo naawa na rin si Yaya Tri kaya hindi na nila ako pinigilang kumain nang mag-isa. At hindi pa naga-alas-onse nang may ospital na tumawag sa bahay.

We rushed to that hospital, only to find my father already in the morgue.

Patay na siya nang matagpuan sa express way kung saan nangyari ang banggaan. Naalala kong paliwanag ng doktor sa amin.

But they assured me that they checked my father very well to come up with proper references for his autopsy. Maseselang organs daw ang napinsala ng aksidente. At kasama ni daddy sa namatay ang driver na tinakasan ko kanina lang.

I felt so heavy. I didn't have the courage to remove the blanket from daddy's face. Napaupo ako sa sahig nung ginawa iyon ng kasama kong si Yaya Tri. Her shocked gasp confirmed it for me that it was my daddy... That my daddy was already dead.

I felt teary-eyed. Nagwawala na ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung paano ko napigilan ang mapasigaw...ang mapahagulgol.

I felt so foolish. I should have been there. I should have been with my father when he died.

Or maybe, maybe if I was there, in that car, maybe...maybe daddy would still be alive.

That driver and my daddy would make it home safety if I were there with them.

Maybe, they could have come home earlier and avoided that accident. They could have if I didn't make the driver go crazy trying to find me or waiting for me at school. Siguro...

Nasabunutan ko na lang ang sarili ko. At saka lang nag-sink in sa akin na tuloy-tuloy na pala ang pagdaloy ng mga luha ko. Ganito pala kasakit. My hand instinctively clutched on my chest. I had to because it hurts.... It hurts me so much.

Everything happened in a blur the moment after that. Hindi man lang ako hinayaan ng mga medical staff na tapusin ang pag-iyak ko. One of them encouraged me to stop crying and focus on the documentations first. Marami silang ni-require na fill-up-an ko, pirmahan ko o i-confirm na may kinalaman sa magiging medical records ni daddy.

It was too much for me. Halos si Yaya Tri na ang gumagawa ng pagsusulat para sa akin. My shaky hand would sign at times after Yaya Tri explained what I was putting my signature for. Hirap na hirap na rin kasi akong magbasa dahil sa pag-uulap ng luha sa mga mata ko.

Once we were done, we were left sitting in a waiting lounge. Naroon kami para hintayin ang asawa ng driver namin. Medyo mahuhuli ito sa pagdating dahil malayo-layo ang panggagalingan. Iyon din ang dahilan kaya stay-in ang driver namin, at weekly umuuwi sa kanyang pamilya.

As we sat on that cold, silver bench, I could not help murmuring, "I only wanted coffee..."

Naaawang napalingon siya sa akin.

"Hindi ko naman laging tinatakasan si Manong," nanghihina kong tuloy. "At..."

Hinagod niya ang braso ko. Pero walang talab iyon. Naninikip pa rin ang dibdib ko. Nararamdaman ko na naman ang panunukal ng mga luha sa mata ko. I wish I could just stop crying. Kahit dugo pa ang iiyak ko kapag naubos na ang mga luha ko, hindi na maibabalik ang nawalang mga buhay. Hindi maaawa sa akin ang Diyos at pababangunin ang bangkay ni daddy at ng driver. My tears just wouldn't stop. It was as if something pierced my heart and left a hole that cracked a dam full of tears. Now, they streamed down my cheeks once more.