Door to Door

Scene 5: The Breakaway

(A.N.: I wrote this scene high off my ass on cold meds, which is later addressed in this scene, but I'm sorry if it's extremely dumb.)

Paul's Apartment

*Opens on Paul. Visibly depressed*

Paul: *draped across couch, getting up slowly.* Let's go. *sigh*

*Paul gets up and turns on phone. Plays "Space Jam" on phone speaker. Dances along lackadaisically*

*Goes to kitchen opens drink container and takes a really long swig of whatever's inside. Hold that shit like reeeeeeeally long. Once finished, throw drink to the ground and continue dancing to space jam.*

*knock at door. Paul scrambles to pause music.*

*Paul opens the door*

Salesman: Hiddley ho there, friendo.

Paul: Who the Hell-

Salesman: Hell am I? I'll tell you. I'm the man who can make your dreams come true! I can help you reach your goals! I'm the-

Paul: Yeah I'ma cut you off there, because if you start singing some Willy Wonka, I'll throw you out your glass elevator.

Salesman: Feisty, I like it.

Paul: Horny, I don't. The name's Paul Magranit

Salesman: Pomegranate?

Paul: Ha ha ha. Very funny. What's your name?

Salesman: Sal Smann

Paul: What is this, an episode of Scrubs?

Salesman: Bad joke.

Paul: Is this what all the dialogue in this play is like?

Salesman: Well, he was high on Sudafed when he wrote this entire scene.

Paul: Even these lines?

Salesman: Yep.

Paul: Ew... *pause* Anyways, what do you want?

Salesman: Actually, I came to ask that very question. You see, I'm a salesman from far away, coming through and selling my wares. So, what do want Paul?

*Realises an unfortunate truth*

*sigh*

*whispers* The apotheosis is upon us.

Paul: What was that?

Salesman: *Snaps back to reality. (Oop there goes gravity)* Nothing!

Paul: Ooooookayyyy...

Salesman: *turns to audience* This metatextual crap has gone on long enough.

Paul: I know, what a waste of a scene.

Salesman: You can clearly see I'm not talking to you.

Paul: Right, sorry.

Salesman: Welp. This was stupid. Was this only in here for filler? Was there any actual plot to this or was this just for the gimmick? All I know is the moral of the story is: Max should stay the hell away from keyboards while on cold medicine.

*leaves*

Salesman: *pauses and peers back on stage.* I wasn't joking. This scene is over. So, like "lights down" and all that.