MINE

Chapter 7 - Does That Make Sense?

"I don't know what to do

To do with your kiss on my neck

I don't know what feels true

But this feels right so stay a sec

Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec"

***

Nick left a couple of hours ago, and I'm a mess. I feel so ashamed.... Why does this shit keep happening to me? I had to fucking move the last time I fell for a dickhead. I had to leave everything behind. Not that I had that much to stick around for.

I have a feeling deep down that Nick's different. He's Mike's best friend after all, it's impossible for him to be an actually bad person. But that doesn't mean he's not playing me. I'm sure his picture is the first thing that shows up on a Google search for 'fuck boy'.

Helen came by my room asking if I wanted to talk, but I said I wasn't ready. I wouldn't know how to explain it to her, not what happened, what I was feeling, or why I'm such a mess. We had lunch and she went to her room to study before she had to go to Millano's.

I tried painting a little, but I couldn't see anything other than Nick's eyes on the canvas, looking back at me. I decided to take a nap and when I was getting to my room my phone rang. My heart skipped, like three beats at once, thinking it was Nick, but I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment when I saw it was Mike. He asked me if I wanted to talk, and I decided that I should. I was obviously having trouble processing all this on my own, and Mike knew me better than anyone at this point. So, I took him up on his offer and I let Helen know I was going out after I changed.

We ended up going to the pier since it was a nice day and it wasn't too cold by the beach. And now here we are, sitting on a bench facing the ocean. We've been sitting here not saying anything for a while and I don't know how to begin. As if Mike can read my mind he breaks the silence.

"What are you thinking?" He says taking a joint out of his pocket and lighting it up. Mike really loves weed.

"That I'm embarrassed..." I say honestly.

"Why? Of me?" He inhales some smoke and looks at me sideways.

"Yes, of you. Because it's embarrassing to have no control." I bring my knees up, hugging them in front of me.

Mike exhales the smoke away from me and asks, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, it all happened so fast, and when I realized what was going on it was too late. But I did have time to think about the consequences. I knew it could be complicated for me and Nick to hook-up, but I still couldn't help myself. It was like I was possessed. You know I always fall face-first into things and I end up... well, not great" I put my head on my knees hiding my face, from the shame of my past.

"Whoa now... we've been through this already. That wasn't your fault. That fucker manipulated you, he was a predator. Nick's not like that, I can assure you." Mike said sternly.

"I know... I don't feel like he is, but I didn't see the signs of danger before either."

"Look, Nick may seem like he's all trouble, but he's really just closed off. And that's mostly because he never learned how to deal with feelings. What matters is, do you regret it?"

"No... Yes... I don't know. I'm so confused..." I sigh turning my head to the side on my knees to look at him.

"Of course you're confused. It's Nick." he chuckles.