Flowers for You (DaiSuga Hanahaki)

Big Sister Saeko's Advice

     "So, you haven't been able to get thoughts of Daichi out of your head and you got jealous when one of his female friends joined you for lunch the other day?" Saeko asked. Sugawara still felt uncomfortable taking time away from her work, but she insisted that it was fine. "This all sounds pretty normal to me, Suga."

     "I'm not sure what's normal, though. We're friends so I think it's normal for me to think about him a lot, but this just feels different somehow." Suga shrugged helplessly. "I don't think I ever got jealous about the time he spends with Michimiya before, but now it really annoys me whenever she just shows up. Lunch is usually just me and Daichi and sometimes Asahi and we usually sit in silence and just watch people, so it's even more shallow when you think about the fact that we don't even talk to each other most of the time!"He rested his head on the table and groaned. Everything was so confusing. Nothing felt right anymore. 

     Saeko laughed and Sugawara felt like she was making fun of him. "Well, if you ask me, it sounds like you have a crush on Daichi." Suga shot straight up. 

     "What? A crush?"

     "Yes, a crush silly! All the signs are there. You can't get him out of your head and everywhere you turn it seems like there are things that remind you of him. You're getting a little jealous when he talks to other possible suitors or however you see her." Saeko waved her hands. "It's different for you because you're friends already, so there aren't the typical signs you'd usually think of when you think of having a crush. I think it's a crush, though." 

     Suga groaned again. Nothing wanted to make sense for him, did it? He hoped it wasn't a crush. Having a crush might get in the way of volleyball since both of them were on the team. Relationships within clubs could always get dicey, especially if the couple broke up. It wasn't worth the risk, even if Daichi wasn't the captain. "I hope it's not a crush." 

     "Why? Do you think you're supposed to like girls or something?" 

     "No, it's not that. It's just, Daichi is the captain and I'm the vice-captain. Third years are already looked up to as sources of guidance and leadership, even more so by our teammates. I don't want a crush to get in the way of playing. It wouldn't be fair to the rest of the team," Suga said. "Besides, we're friends. I don't think a confession would ruin our friendship but I don't know if he's gay! Hell, I didn't even consider the fact that I might be gay until today so let's just flip everything on its head why don't we?" He slammed his head on the table again. 

     "Yeah, I get where you're coming from but I think you should think about it for a little bit before making any decisions about what you're going to do. At least from what you've told me, it sounds like all of this is really sudden. Take some time and stew over your feelings." Saeko smiled and patted Suga on the head. "Emotions are crazy and complicated and really annoying sometimes, especially when it comes to crushes. It doesn't matter if it's a guy or a gal, a crush is a crush. It seems like you and Daichi are pretty close from what you've told me and what Ryu has told me, so I don't think you'd ruin your friendship with him with a confession." 

     The bell hanging on the door jingled and Suga heard it slam shut behind the customer. It was probably time for him to go. He stood and thanked Saeko for her time. He had a lot to think about. 

~~~

     It was around 2:30 in the morning and Sugawara was staring dead-eyed into his computer screen, his desk lamp serving as the only thing between ruined eyesight and Suga's eyes. At least he had done his homework already because there was no way in hell he would be in any state to do anything after he finally went to sleep. His search history was no longer full of questions about Hanahaki disease and instead about how to deal with a crush. 

what does it feel like to have a crush on your friend?
can you have a crush on your best friend?
how to confess that you like your friend
help

     The last result was less of a question and was more a plea to whatever god might be out there to end his suffering. Somewhere in his loopy, sleep-deprived mind, he realized he'd have to delete his search history later in case someone decided to snoop around his computer again. He'd probably forget in the morning, though.

     "Oh my God, what is happening to me~?" Suga groaned, just barely awake anymore. He set his head down on his desk. The last time he had stayed up that late was in his second year of junior high and accidentally downed two energy drinks before realizing what a big mistake he had made. "I've gone off the deep end for sure. What would Daichi say if he could see me now?" 

     Am I gonna confess or not? I don't even know if I'm gay or not. This all has happened in the span of what, two days? More or less. Wow. What a time to have a crisis of sexuality. Right before spring inter-highs too. I thought I was gonna make volleyball the priority for a while, but oh well guess I can also have a midlife crisis at 18. That's totally cool too. Yeah.

     Sugawara spent the next fifteen minutes going back through his search history and deleting everything that seemed suspicious until he finally hit all of his research on Hanahaki. 

     Damn, that would suck. Well, it's too late... late? Early? Early. It's too early to worry about this shit. Sleep first, worry about the possibility of getting an extremely painful and deadly disease in the morning. Yeah, that sounds good.