Flowers for You (DaiSuga Hanahaki)

Complications

     "SUGAWARA-SAN!" Hinata yelled, bursting through the door. 

     "Shut up! You're disturbing the other patients!" Kageyama smacked Hinata on the head. They both rushed to the side of his bed. "Everyone is coming later, but there's something we need to talk to you about."

     Full of energy as always. Suga sighs quietly. Of course. "Yeah? What do you need to talk about?" Hinata and Kageyama pulled chairs up to Suga's bedside. They were holding hands. 

     "I'm just going to skip right to the point," Kageyama said. He made eye contact. Suga could feel his intensity. "When are you going to tell Daichi about your feelings?" 

     "Uhm... I'm not sure exactly," Suga admitted. 

     "You've gotta tell him soon, you have to." Hinata leaned forward. "I know I told Tsukishima to shut up because we were trying to stay positive, but now that you're in the hospital it all feels so much more real."

     Suga felt his heart sink. He worried both Kageyama and Hinata enough that they felt the need to come to the hospital early in the morning. Facing Daichi and confessing. It seemed like such a small task compared to the possibility of death. The thought still killed him a little every time. Hinata looked close to tears though. Making a promise wouldn't help anything, especially when it might not be one that he would keep. 

     "I don't know.. I really don't know at this point." 

     Kageyama sat back in his chair, deep in thought. It was the most concentrated Suga had seen him off the court. 

     "Well, if you're not gonna tell him, then I guess we'll tell him for you then," Hinata said. "And I mean, at least you won't be getting directly rejected." 

     "That would be worse though," Suga sighed. If Hinata and Kageyama confessed for him, Daichi would definitely know how pathetic he was. That would definitely ruin any chance he might have with Daichi. "I think it has to be me either way." 

     "Why don't you just get the surgery then? If you really can't bring yourself to say it, I'm afraid Tsukishima is right. You'd be better off getting the surgery. We all would." Kageyama let go of Hinata's hand and crossed his arms. "Confession or surgery. Those are the only two things you can do right now. Pick the lesser of the two evils." 

     "Because I don't want to watch him fall in love with someone else. If I got the surgery, I won't love him anymore and he'll fall in love. I'll be alive but I won't love him anymore. I might not be able to love anyone at that. Maybe it sounds stupid, but that's how I feel. A life without loving anyone, romantically or otherwise, wouldn't feel like life." Suga looked at his underclassmen. "I know it's stupid and sentimental or whatever else you want to call it, but that's what I'm feeling." 

     "No, I get it." Hinata smiled. "I mean, I wouldn't ever want to stop loving my sister and my family. This isn't the same kind of love, but you don't sound like you're rambling." 

     Eventually, Hinata and Kageyama had to leave for school. Morning practice had been canceled once again. Suga felt bad that they had taken time out of their newly freed morning to go see him instead of seeing their other friends, but the insisted that it was fine. 

     The rest of the day was spent with various nurses coming in to check on him (they even brought him a bucket for the petals if he couldn't make it to the bathroom) and a doctor explaining what was happening to him. It was all things he had heard before though. He had known ever since he hacked up the first petals in front of Michimia. Yet hearing a doctor tell him that he only had three options really brought everything into a new reality. 

     Slowly but surely, as the day wore on Suga began to get more and more lonely. It wasn't anyone's fault. His mom had to work and his friends were at school. Everyone couldn't bend their schedules to meet his needs. I'm such a baby. I can't even be alone for more than an hour before I get lonely. Well, I guess I'm not totally alone. There are thousands of people inside this hospital and all around me. It's not like any of them can talk to me. Ugh. If I'm getting sick of dealing with me, then Daichi has to have some god-like patience. 

     He constantly thought about what other people were doing while he was trying to hack out all the magnolia petals in his lungs. Suga wondered what Kageyama and Hinata were arguing about during lunch. What Michimiya and Daichi were talking about while he was gone. Michimiya, the other suitor. Maybe I should just get the surgery. If there was anyone else I'd want Daichi to be with that wasn't me, it would probably be her. She's a good person. Suga sighed and coughed up more petals into his bucket. 

     Sugawara tried to distract himself from his thoughts by watching people outside his window. It made him feel less lonely in his own pathetic way. There were people with babies and young children. Some were in tears and some were smiling. After a while though, people-watching just made him feel creepy. The little vulnerable moments he was witnessing felt like an invasion of privacy even though they were in public. He didn't really have anything else to distract himself with. He didn't want to watch TV, and there was no one to talk to. 

      Loneliness started to set in again, but much worse this time. It was just him and his worthless thoughts that would never leave him alone. Suga curled up into a ball and tried to block out the world. By the time his mom got off work, she found him crying into his pillow again. She gently stroked his hair until he stopped crying. 

     "Ugh, sorry Mom," He mumbled. He coughed and hacked up more flower petals. 

     "Koushi, I want you to get the surgery," She said suddenly. "You're an adult, so I can't make the decision for you. If it was my decision, you would have gotten the surgery much sooner."

     Suga bit his lip. "Yeah. I'm sorry for letting it get so out of hand. I don't know if I could bring myself to confess to him though." 

     "If you're that scared of confessing, then why don't you get the surgery?" His mom asked. She was worried. Incredibly worried. Suga hated worrying her. 

     "Because then he'll fall in love with someone else. And I don't wanna see that. I mean, I want him to be happy, but it's just..." He trailed off. All his reasons were so petty compared to life and death. It should have been a no-brainer. "I'm sorry. It must sound stupid." 

     "No no. Love is never stupid. I believe you should get the surgery, but that decision is yours and only yours." His mom smiled sadly. "I'll still love you, Koushi." 

     "I love you too, Mom."