About me(eww cliche)

Lithuania

Airport: Thumping of our slow steps, rolling of the wheels on our suitcases, and painful silence. We step one by one, my mom holding my hand, baby brother in her arms and a waggon with 2 big suitcases. While im holding my little mint one. Looking back at my dad. Time has stopped I can just feel how our hearts are breaking. My dad waving with a crooked smile, tearing up. I remember the feeling of my chest weighing me down, a pressure making it hard to breath trying to hold the sea of my tears, my stomach hurting of sadness and my legs just wanting to run back in my dads arms. I looked at him for the last time not knowing it would last for 5 years. Till I could see him no more. I look up at my mom crying, Thats when I grew up, and knew I have to stay strong for my mom. Because I couldn't bare seeing her in pain. We give our suitcases. And go on the plane. No words just the silence of pain. My brother was crying and whining the whole 11 hour journey. Luckily people helped my mom out, her brother or as to me my uncle picked us up and helped to settle in. We arrive at our new 12 story apartment, covered in brick. Windows and balconys leading your eyes to look up.

We walk in, and there is my grandparents, uncle and aunt with a baby which is my cousin. I was amazed because ive seem them just through skype. I was very happy. They welcomed us to a new life.
Thats where this chapter begins. So sit tight because its probably going to be a long one. I started first grade again. Because i barely knew the language and the crazy country writes in cursive. When I walked into the class and sat down all the students came around me and started speaking English. Or may i clarify that attempt. So there was a bunch of first graders saying "Hi Im ___" but in a awful accent. "Hai im ___ whatz yor name" something like that. But I appreaciated the effort and felt very welcome. I became friends with all of them.

It was fun. Sadly I came in half of the year so I had to do twice as work to catch up and learn cursive which was stressful for an 8 year old. Over the years I catched up and had B's for an avarage. Edjucation is very strict in that country. You have to mostly memorise everything there just to get an ok grade on the tests. Maybe it was hard because my mom was most of the time drunk, not feeling well or mad. So when i needed help with homework or even any personal issues I would get swayed away to "do it on my own". " I have to learn to be responsible". I got used to being alone most of the time. And I went to dance which helped me a bit. Things were starting to go really downhill tho. My mom started to drink even more. My dad and her started getting into major fights again. My dad got mad for her drinking and my mom because my dad struggled to give us enaugh money in a monthly matter. And a long distance relationship in general is very hard. They wouldnt talk for days. So I was always in betweem them. I felt like a rope in togawar between those two. And damn i was just 10. That started almost everyday. And its been two years since my dad hasnt come too us. He kept promising he will next year. So i kept my hopes up that things will get better. My mom would sometimes get furiuos and threaten me that they broke up, and that hes a horrible person. That hurt me a lot. In his family side i had two cousins, grandparents and my aunt(his sister).

I was really attached to my girl cousin. She was two years older than me. I loved her. But when my parents would get in fights, my mom didnt let me see or communicate with them at all. So that also was really painful because i loved my cousin. She would start screaming on my brother so i would defend him. While all that was happening i started to get bullied in school. Over my forhead. I have a birthmark that is like a red V. So kids would say "Did a iron fall on your huge forehead". As i got older i was a year older than all of them. So i hit puberty earlier. I struggled with acne and they would point it out. And say i was uglier because of those things. That's why they're my insecurities till today. I was very naive. So I was "Bestfriends" with very toxic people. That's a whole different story. But i can say that i never had a real bestfriend. So when all that was happening I felt very lonely. I got into depression. At 10 years old. Of course there was good days when my mom was sober and I would go shopping or dance with her in the kitchen. I still loved her with all my heart. She would take us to the beach.

I loveee swimming. We had an outside slide and swings. Just out of my apartment so when I would go out like 12 other kids would. We played soccer, tag, hide and seek. That was my happy place. I had an amazing family. They all were caring and you know how grandmas are give you sweets and spoil you but can also give a good scolding. I loved them all very much. Especially my Aunt Ana and uncle Deividas. They were like my second parents. My moms health got wrose she was slowly dying. Her hands shivered, she lost weight massively, her hair started getting thinner and thinner, would be very weak. So I would sometimes go to the store for her at 11 years old. To buy milk and all the important stuff obviously. She was getting wrose and wrose. When I would go to school events for parents she wouldn't go so i would go myslef. In the last years of my stay in Europe she would bring men to our apartment. That made me mad and hurt but i knew she just wanted love. My dad still hasn't comen back after 4 years. She was addicted. 3 wine bottles a day. We saw she might die so my family and I tried to help her. I would sneakily spill wine out of the bottles so she wouldn't drink. It didn't help tho. When i was 12 i came back from the store and i saw on her sitting slicing an apple. Suddenly she drops in a seizure. The knife almost stabbed her straight in the throat. I ran swayed the knife away. Put her down on a pillow. And called 911. I was traumatized. I thought shell die. She went to the hospital for two months. Yes it was because of alcohol. We lived with my aunt and uncle. They took us too school, fed us and were so loving. We took care of her. She got out of the hospital. We thought shell stop drinking. But no she went straight into her bad habits again. My personal life was not bad. I was in depression but my family, friends and started going to karate helped me stay stable. My friendships started getting a bit better. But her healthy wasnt.

We celebrated her birthday and shortly after a month, I find her dead in her sleep that's when my life completely changed. wait for more....