The Romance Chemical

Thank You For The Venom

A week later I still haven't found the courage to tackle the almost impossible feat of acquiring the antidote.  I felt like I was somehow betraying Gerard,  the real him not his poisoned persona, because I have been too much of a coward to actually try. It was just that the fact of what terrible things Gerard might try to do to me  if I came to his house. I knew if I went in,  there was a chance of me never coming out. A shiver runs down my spine and my heart fills with dread. Oh how I wish that my Gerard would come back. But somehow, after his last reappearance, I know that I will never see his proper self again till I find the antidote.

Today is the day I will be brave, today is the day that I face my demons, today is the day I save Gerard from himself.

As I walk down Kings Street towards Gerard's house, I feel the air grow colder and the sky seems to turn black. I draw my coat around my tiny frame and carry on,  despite the fact that even the elements know something is wrong. My stomach seems to be filled with burning fire and I am so full of fear, that I want to keep over in the gutter and give up on life.

After what seems like an eternity, I reach Gerard's house. The house that has always seemed welcoming in the past, towers over me and gives off a foreboding atmosphere. My timid knock at the front door echoes through the house and I hear footsteps trudging wearily up the staircase. There is only one staircase in the house, and that is from Gerard's bedroom (as he lives in the basement) and the main floor. Panicking I look desperately for somewhere to hide but as the door creaks open, I seem to be glued to the ground. Gerard's face is haggard and deadly pale as he opens the front door and I feel a fleeting moment of sympathy, but it quickly disappears as he catches a glimpse of me and a dangerous glint transforms his hazel eyes to a blood red.

"Frankie! I missed you so much! Do you want to come inside?" Not waiting for am answer he grips my arm roughly and pulls me to his bedroom while I trip and tumble down the staircase. I try and make myself comfortable on his cluttered bed, shifting his dirty laundry to the side and cringing at my name bloody letters that are still festering on the wall. "I'm just gonna grab a coke, do you want anything?" He calls while ascending up the staircase once more. "A coke would be nice thanks." I reply distractedly, a half open sketchbook that Gerard discarded in his bin catching my eye.

As soon as I hear he's gone, I run to the bin and ruffle through the sketchbook to the page that intrigued me. My throat goes dry as I look at the horrifying drawing on the page. It is a sketch of himself, drowning in a sea of red, shackles on his ankles pulling him away from the surface. The words "HELP ME," decorate the rest of the book in the macabre scripture. He obviously must've broke free of the chemical grip at some point after the Mikey incident and drawn in this book, coping with the trauma in the only way he knew how. "Don't look at that." Gerard's voice startles me and I drop the book on the floor, the pages spilling out onto the carpet and we both scramble to pick them up. "I said don't look at them!" His voice takes on a dangerous tone and he shoves me roughly to the side. I fall to the floor limply like a rag doll, shocked at his violent actions against me. Gerard's gaze softens and he gently picks me off the ground and pressed a tender kiss on the nape of my neck. My body shivers with the sensitivity of his touch. I hate that he can still do this to me, still make me fall in love with him all over again. "I'm sorry Frankie, but it's for your own good that you don't look at those." Liar. "I want to keep you safe." More lies, he hit me just before.

"Anyway, here's your drink." He hands me the coke, but suddenly I remember what I was here for. Gotta distract him somehow. Setting my drink down on his bedside table, I quickly think of an excuse. "Hey Gee," He turns towards me expectantly, his face not too different from an excited puppy. "I'm sorry to make you go upstairs again, but I'm a little hungry. Do you think you could-" I am cut off by Gerard eagerly bounding up the staircase. Sweating profusely from nervousness, I shuffle under his bed to look for the safe. I wrinkle my nose at move an old pizza box, which seems to have sprouted mould, to the side. Ah there it is, I spot the gleaming safe easily and quickly enter the code. A emerald green concoction in a glass vial sits inside and I tuck it into my breast pocket.

Quickly, I jump back onto the bed and gulp my coke down, faking normality. It is not till I've downed the whole thing when I realise that there is something off about it. When I glance at the dregs swirling at the bottom of the glass I am horrified to see that it is tinted yellow. Gerard still has the liquid lust that he took of me! As if by magic, Gerard reappears a deranged smirk on his face. "Frankie, I want to give you something special, I want to make love to you." I feel the blood drain out of my face and my vision start to swim as his words register in my brain. "We can be one Frankie, we will have reached the final stage,  well until marriage." He let's out a giggle that sounds satanic to me.

Suddenly, I feel a wave of lust wash over my body and a burning sensation in my groin. My self control leaches out of my body and my body becomes a puppet and the poison, puppet master. It's like I'm watching myself from afar, or an out body experience. The chemical me seems to love being with Gerard, he begs to be touched, and to touch Gerard. I am caged in my own mind. The real me is paralysed with fear as I see Gerard prepare to enter me, unprepped and unlubed. Unfortunately for me, it seems that while I have no control over my body, I can feel everything.

When Gerard enters my body, I feel like I've been set on fire and I writhe on the floor in the metaphorical constraints of my brain.  The last thing I remember before I black out, is both sides of me screaming out in harmony. One in pleasure, one in excruciating pain.