Killing Me [EVERTEEZ-JongRen]

Chapter 4

You look at me so coldly
And turn away like you don't know me
Make me blankly stand there
I look at you in confusion
All I can do is just laughing
Now I don't know you anymore
- Hann, (G)i-dle

Everglow's dorm, 1:20 am

- Tofu, 1:10 am
I hope we can pretend we don't know each other.

Yiren threw her phone under the pillow before she fell her head on it. She tried to ease her wheeze by holding back the breath but failed. So she covered her face with the quilt and wept silently under it. She didn't want to wake her roommate up. She didn't want to bother anybody. This was her own fault. She deserved to suffer alone.

The boy proved that he was still holding her heart in his palm. He could easily destroy her shell with just one simple sentence.

She didn't know him anymore. How could he say such words that casually? How could he order her to pretend that nothing happened between them? How could he be so cruel to her? Did she really mean nothing to him? Was their past that cheap in his eyes?

If he really didn't want to see her in face. If this was what he wanted, why not just skip the show? He could obviously avoid this situation, just like the way he treated her two years ago, blocked all of her contacts and disappeared rather than told her in face when he decided to dump her for no fucking reason.

She would never forget the 14 February 2018, the day he plunged her into the darkest time of her life with no mercy when she needed him the most.

That day before, company told Yiren that she had been arranged to participate in Produce 48, the most famous reality competition show in Korea. She felt so stressed and confused at the same time. Her thoughts kept swinging back and forth. She was hesitated whether she should refuse, not just because she knew she was not good enough to win against, but she also knew what she needed to give up if she agreed to join that program.

At that time, there were tons of similar types of programs. One of them called MIXNINE, the one that her ex-boyfriend just finished. They hadn't been in contact for months since that show started shooting. She wouldn't like to disturb the boy either so when he told her not to contact during the show, she followed. Although she wondered why he didn't call her after the show was completely done, she never questioned him. She never would. But she missed him. A lot.

Other than that, whether to participate in Produce 48 was a major decision of her career. She needed Jongho's advice and support. So instead of waiting for his call, she decided to call him first... Until this moment, she still couldn't believe that all she got was a emotionless recording, telling her that her the number was blocked by the other party. Yiren was totally shocked in the first place. She tried all the ways to find him but failed. Jongho just disappeared like he had never exist in her life, without any notice.

Yiren was only 17 that year. She couldn't bear the pain of being dumped so suddenly. She was completely wrecked. On one hand, she couldn't accept being treated like this. She felt betrayed. She didn't deserve it. On the other hand, she began to doubt herself. She kept asking herself if she had done anything wrong. Why he couldn't just tell her. His betrayal drove her into anger, self-doubt and disappointment. She was devastated by various feelings mixed and collapsed.

Soon, after she saw the new boy group debut announcement of KQ Entertainment, all doubts seemed to have an explainable answer. They had foreseen this situation before, didn't they? No doubt that both of them wanted to debut. It's surely understandable... But unforgivable. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't convince herself to accept this tragedy that happened on her.