Older Brothers | ✔

f i f t e e n

When I woke up on monday morning I wanted to kill myself.

I was on the edge of tears, feeling absolutely humiliated and I didn't even left my bed yet.

Well I won't leave my room, ever again.

The moment I woke up, I had cramps. My belly hurt so much I felt like throwing up. After feeling very uncomfortable for a while I knew exactly what was going on.

Something I forgot about for a whole month. And I am not prepared to deal with it again.

My period.

Many girls have light periods, they dont feel pain or any discomfort, but in my case. It is horrible.

Back at home mom always bought pads for us, because nobody trusted me with money.

We always had a lot hidden in the bathroom closet.

I got up, taking clothes to change with me, nobody was up yet so I quietly tiptoed to the bathroom.

I put my clothes on the floor, then closed the door and started opening all the closet doors.

Nothing, they had nothing. I didn't expected them to have anything, but I had hoped for a miracle, that for some unknown reason they had one pad laying around here.

I huffed in distress. What should I do, what should I do.

Mom always told me men shouldn't know when a woman has her time of the month. And Simon never found out when I had mine, so I can't let my brothers find out.

It was shameful.

I really don't want them to think I am gross.

My mind was made up, I am going to find a store and buy myself pads. I knew I had school today, but I rather get yelled at for skipping school, then for this.

I dealed with my problem for the moment with toilet paper and hoped it will work for the time. I put my clothes on fast, then started washing my underwear and my pyama pants to get rid of the stains.

First with cold water and then with hot water.

After that I walked into my room again, getting some money that Victor gave me for the cafeteria. I hid my wet clothes under my bed, I will hang them out to dry later.

I My phone got as well, then I wrote a note for the boys so they won't worry and know that I will come back. I placed it in the kitchen and left the house.

The sun was still rising, but it was bright enough to see everything. After I finally left the property, I was more than happy to see on my phone that the next gas station was just 20 minutes away.

First I walked on the road that crossed the forest, it was a little dangerous because there was no actual road for me to walk on, just a small white line on the side.

The birds were chirping, a cool wind was blowing my hair in front of my face. No car was on the road and the air I breathed in felt good. The view was beautiful and I felt at ease.

I felt good, I felt strong to actually walk on my own, to buy things for myself. This kind of person I want to be for my brothers. Someone who can take care of themselves and can help them, when they are sad or in stress.

As soon as I arrived at the gas station my phone started buzzing, the boys are probably awake now. I put it on mute, so I could buy what I need and then hurry back home.

If I am lucky I will only be not present on the first two classes.

I took two packages of pads and a chocolate bar, because I was without breakfast. I paid the lady behind the cashier, when she saw what I was buying she gave me a knowing smile.