TWISTED SANITY

PART 54⛅

Jason's pov

I screwed up, shit I screwed up so bad. The car ride was uncomfortable. Everytime I tried a little convo to ease this tension she would just brush me off. I apologized numerous times, but she wont say a thing. The car came to a halt as I made it to my driveway. None of us moved for a while. "Jason, I've have it all figured out" her soft voice spoke. "What is it baby" I replied. "DONT CALL ME THAT" she exclaimed. I was taken aback. "I think its time things go back to the old ways. Lets just stay friends. Lets go back to ignoring & insults, its better than you tearing my dignity each & everytime I confess my feelings for u. You only play with my feelings when you feel like & I was too dumb to see that." I protested but she stopped me. "You need to understand Jase. I am tired of this pain. I am only hurting you & myself". She let out a deep sigh, as she opened the door & left. I saw her little figure fade.

Y/N's pov

Its been awhile since that last encounter. My fairytale turned out to be a tragedy. I am trying my best to ignore Jase, he does his best to ignore me. Most of the nights he is out there hitting clubs, while I pass my time either lying, slouching, grieving about that one sided love I'll never have. Today yet again was a stormy night. I lay in bed watching THE NUN . The thunder raged making me jump out of bed. I need him, even when I cant have him. I grabbed mr cuddles making my way to HIS room. Damn I have either buried my dignity or it has left me. But the moans coming from his room made me stop. " JASON RIGHT THERE BABY" her annoying voice came. I felt my heart break, slowly in to pieces. Even tho I knew this was coming, I made it this way, tears still spilled my eyes. I crouched hugging cuddles to my knees & I dont know when sleep engulfed me. After a while I stirred to his raspy voice telling the girl to get out. She stumbled out of his room quickly while his naked torso & messy hair came in to view. His eyes grew wide as he noticed me. "Y/n?! R u ok" he came to me. Ugh this sweet side of his is irrestible. "I was scared last night &" I trailed of as realization stuck his face. He sighed, rubbing his face nodding to himself. He gently picked me, sat me gently on his bed.

Jason's pov

I stared at her intently as she avoided eye contact. I rubbed the back of my neck. "Y/n about that. I.. Its nothing honest. I just needed to cool off um. You know. Man requirements" I explained as she giggled. "Ofcourse I do. No need to explain yourself. But next time keep it a bit down". I gave her a gentle smile. "Make yourself comfy while I shower to get this sex sweat off" I winked at her while she blushed.

Y/n's pov

He collected his stuff as he went to the washroom. I stood up wandering around his room taking in little details. Like his family photos. His decorations. His book collection till my eyes fixed on a beautiful box. Its elegancy drove my attention. I took it & opened the lid. I was surprised to discovered medicines. But not any, heavy ones to cope with bipolar and depression. I took the prescription with shaky hands. All addressed to JASON MCANN. Still regaining my caution I heard shuffling from behind as a voice rasped. "You shouldnt have". I turned around to him, who was a mixture of both anger & disappointment. " WHAT HAVE U DONE Y/N. MY INNER DEMON IS TELLING ME TO KILL U. AHH. THESE VOICES WONT STOP". I have never seen this side of his. His heavy step came forward as I moved backwards clutching the box in to my chest. "Jase calm down" I whispered. "CALM DOWN? FUCKING HELL WITH IT. YOU R THE REASON BEHIND IT. I STOPPED THEM, I WAS FINE. BUT YOU CAME AND MESSED MY HEAD WITH YOUR LOVE. I DONT KNOW. YOU PUSHED YOURSELF AWAY & THESE VOICES CAME BACK. I AM DEPRESSED CUZ OF YOU" he shouted as I shook UNCONTROLLABLY. He tried snatching the box from me just to have it shatter in to pieces with medicine. His eyes followed. "NO NO" he tried picking them up as I tried to stop him crouching down. "No listen to me. You dont really need them". He shoved me off as he stood up. " YOU'RE CRAZY. I NEED THEM. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. R U PROUD?!" He picked me and shoved me in a wall. He shook me forcefully. His eyes were pitch black, yet mine were filled with tears. "No" I whispered looking down. He sighed, moving away. Grabbing his hair, talking stuff to himself.
I watched in fear thinking the monster haunting him is gonna finally gain control & attack me. But instead, Jason was trying so hard to not let it come at me. It broke my heart as he keep hitting himself over & over again. He sat on the bed, his head in his hands. Murmuring, yelling to himself. "MAKE IT STOP. AHH. ITS KILLING ME" he yelled. My God. I got a grip of myself as I knelt to him. Grabbing his hands peeling them from his face. "Jase, baby look at me. LOOK AT ME" I sternly said. Pulling his chin, his eyes boring in mine. "Its all in your head, you are stronger than this, better than this show him that. You are loved, you are wanted. I love you so much Jason. You wanted this right? For me to love you. Yet here I am confessing my feelings for you please. Stop it." And by now I was crying myself.

Jason's pov

I wanna believe her so bad. "Lmao she is lying. No one likes you mccan. You're just a disappointment. You are a monster. She knows you'll kill her, she just wanna play around so she could run away" the voices spoke. These whispers. "Kill her mcann" it said again. I looked in to her eyes. I felt warmth. "I cant, I love her" I whispered back to them. The voice grew harsher laughing maniacly as it said "THEN KILL YOURRSELF". I yelled. Y/n got anxious holding my hands down strandling my lap. " you dont love me you lie he said it" I shouted back. "No jase, they r lying I LOVE YOU MCANN. I LOVED U SINCE THE DAY I MET YOU IN SCHOOL. I LOVED YOU EVEN WHEN YOU WERE BAD NEWS. I STILL DO. YOU KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY. DONT LISTEN TO THEM. Tell them you dont believe them. You believe me" her voice turned soft. I love it so much. "My head hurts" I told her helplessly. "I know. My sweet babyboy, you are so precious, you are so beautiful & strong come here" she said as she hugged me. Her hands playing with my hair as she softly sung the lyrics to a song I didnt know. The voices faded. I wont listen to them. I have my baby. I pulled her closer, laying her down while I was on top of her. I laid my head in her neck as she whispered sweet nothings playing gently with my hair. Thats when I realized. Shit. I LOVE HER. SHE IS MY SANITY.
*also she was singing warrior by demi lovato to calm him. Yall should hear it. Its amazing💜❤😭