KISS: Casablanca High School

Ch 124: Oh. Okay. (Gene)

I leaned on the kitchen counter, trying not to fall asleep as I waited for the toaster to finish toasting my bread. "One more night shift might kill me," I mumbled, running a hand through my hair and taking a sip of coffee. Maybe Eric had a point, drinking like twenty cups a day. 

Unfortunately I hadn't drank enough yet so I ended up falling asleep against the counter, waking up five minutes past when I usually left to the smell of my breakfast burning. "Shit," I grumbled, grabbing my backpack and running down to my car, skipping breakfast yet again. 

The morning only got worse since it started to rain once I pulled into the parking lot, and of course I had forgotten a sweatshirt. Shivering, I shouldered my backpack and walked into Mr. G's room, shaking the freezing water from my hair and dropping into a desk, ignoring the growling in my stomach. "Morning curly! You look cold!" Ace said cheerfully. I scowled, tugging at the edge of my cast. "Yeah. Forgot a sweatshirt," I muttered. 

The door to Mr. G's opened and Paul walked in, giving me a smile before sitting next to Ace instead of me. My stomach twisted into an angry knot and I tried to shake off the feeling as they sat and talked to each other. As they sat really close to each other, leaning across the gap between the desks before Ace grabbed Paul's hand and Paul let him hold it. The bell rang and I walked off without a word, leaving them still talking as they headed to their classes. It was nothing, it was fine, I was just overthinking it. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was starving and desperate to get some food. "Paul! Hey wait up!" I called, shivering even more because it had gone from raining to sleeting and I was dying in my short sleeve shirt. He turned to give me a grin, lucky enough to be wearing a jacket. "Hey Gene! What's up?" 

I let out a sigh, running a hand through my hair. "You going out to lunch?" I asked, trying to think of the best way to ask for food without making it obvious I had barely any money to pay for it. His smile wavered a bit, getting a lot more forced. "Uh...well me and Ace are going out to lunch. W-why? Did you need something?" 

I froze, trying to think of the best way to backtrack out of the situation. "No, no not with food, I just needed to finish the English study guide and was wondering if you wanted to work on it with me. But if you're busy at lunch that's fine! What about after school? Since practice is cancelled because of the weather?" I asked. 

His forced smile vanished and he looked at the ground, face turning red. "Um...Ace is gonna come over to my place after school to work on math, I'm sorry," he said quietly. Now it was my turn to force a smile. "O-oh. Okay. That's fine! I'll just get the answers from Eric. Anyway I'm gonna get out of the rain, I'll see you in physics!" I said, giving him a parting wave and walking back to the school. "Yeah. Bye Gene!"

Stomach hurting from more than just hunger now, I wandered through the halls until I stumbled across Christie, sitting next to her with a faint smile. "I'd give you a hug but you're soaking," she teased. "Mm, how about a kiss instead?" I murmured, slipping an arm around her waist and kissing her. She laughed, resting her head against my shoulder anyways. "I'll take it." 

I played with her hair absentmindedly, trying to force my stomach to calm down. "You have lunch today?" I asked after a pause. She gave me a rueful smile, shrugging. "Nah, forgot it and my wallet at home." Rolling my eyes, I pulled her to her feet. "Yeah as your boyfriend I'm not gonna let that slide. Come on, I'll get you something from the snack bar since we don't have a ton of time before the bell." 

She gave me a warm smile, standing on her toes to kiss me. "You're a big softy, you know that?" I shrugged, running a hand through my hair and flashing her a smile. "I just wanna make sure you're not going hungry," I said, pulling out my last three dollars and buying her a sandwich and a water. 

The bell rang and she gave me another kiss, grabbing the food I handed her. "Thanks, handsome. I'll catch you later, yeah?" I nodded, smiling. "Sounds good. Enjoy your lunch!" 

I was starving and barely able to stay awake by the time I walked into physics, taking my seat next to Paul and trying to get myself to stop thinking the only reason he sat next to me was because that's where he was assigned to sit. I could feel him looking at me throughout the entire class but I just tried to focus on the notes we were taking. 

He grabbed my arm as I headed toward the door after the bell rang, giving me a worried look. "Hey, you okay?" he asked. I shrugged, pulling my arm free. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "Bullshit. I wanna talk to you before you leave." I nodded, shifting my backpack. "Yeah that's fine, just uh...we'll have to make it kinda quick since I've got a shift in a half an hour," I mumbled, heading for my locker with no idea why I lied to him. 

He was waiting by my car in the frigid rain, arms folded across his chest. "Gene. What's going on? You've seemed all weird and distant the whole day!"

My stomach twisted into even more knots as I looked at him and saw how happy he had been the entire day and realized I couldn't tell him what I felt and break his heart. So I just forced a smile and clapped a hand on his shoulder with a yawn. "Damn I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to, I'm just really tired since I had to take another graveyard shift last night so I'm running on three hours of sleep across the past two days. Plus I haven't eaten and I'm freezing so I've just been trying to survive today. Sorry if I came off as distant, I've just got a lot on my plate."

He raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. "Gene I'm not stupid. If...if you're unhappy with me being bi, then fine, I just won't talk about it!" he said defensively, eyes filled with hurt. My heart dropped and I shook my head, grabbing his arm. "No, no, no! No it's not that at all! I swear it's not that, Paul listen to me man I love you, no matter what, no matter who you love, it's not that at all I swear!"

Still practically scowling at me, he shook his head again. "Then what is it?" I dropped his arm, running a hand through my hair. "It's literally what I said it is! I'm really sorry man, I'm just really tired and hungry and yeah. And like you were with Ace and I was with Christie today! That's all, basically, which is fine!" 

He laughed, shaking his head. "Damn, Gene, take better care of yourself. Anyway I gotta run since I kinda want to be at my house before Ace gets there and you've got your shift. I'll see you tomorrow!" 

I forced a smile and swallowed the lump in my throat, shoving my backpack into the trunk. "Yeah, have fun with Ace! See you." Paul walked off to his car with a wave, leaving me alone. Taking a deep breath and shaking my head, I drove home, walking up the concrete stairs to my apartment which was, like always, empty. 

Stomach feeling like it was tearing itself apart, I pulled open the pantry, staring at the bare shelves with a sigh. "Shit," I muttered, opening the fridge next. At least there were a few eggs left. I slammed a frying pan onto the stove, turning up the heat and waiting for it to get hot enough. As the eggs started to cook I pulled out my phone, calling one of my bosses. "Hey Sam, you got an opening this afternoon?" I asked, flipping over the eggs as I held the phone to my ear and prayed she'd say yes. 

"Mm, we've got a five to eleven where we've only got one on duty, so we could use you to stock shelves if you're free." 

"Perfect, I'll see you at 4:30," I said, before hanging up and blinking back tears. It would be fine, it would all be fine. If I didn't have anything else to do then I could just work, and that would be extra money on top of not being stuck home alone like always. 

And it would be fine with me and Paul, I wasn't gonna lose him, I wasn't gonna get replaced by Ace or anything, it would all be fine, there was no reason for me to be jealous of Paul spending time with Ace instead of me. 

"It'll all be fine," I whispered, not even caring as my eggs started to burn too.