KISS: Casablanca High School

Ch 111: It's Okay I Promise (Gene)

The last two periods of the day had never felt longer. I was freaking out the entire time, watching as Paul read my messages but didn't respond before not even doing that anymore. "Dammit, dammit, just answer your phone Paul, please!" I mumbled under my breath. But of course, he didn't. So the instant the last bell rang, I sped off to his house.

The house was dark when I pulled into the driveway, and no one answered when I pounded on the door. "Paul, I know you're home!" I shouted, still hammering on the door. Nothing. I fished the spare key out of the potted plant and unlocked the door, letting myself in. Stomach doing backflips, I mounted the stairs to his room and knocked on the door, terrified of what I would find. "Paul?"

"Go away," he said in a muffled voice. I let out a relieved sigh in spite of myself, resting my head against the door. "Paul, please just talk to me," I pleaded.

"Go away!"

Ignoring him, I pushed open the door and found him sitting on his bed, wrapped in a blanket and staring at the wall. His eyes were red and puffy, face blotchy, and he just turned away as I walked into the room. I sat next to him wordlessly, bed creaking under me.

"Do you...want to talk about it?" I asked after a pause. He shook his head with a shuddering breath, turning even farther away from me. I chewed on my lip before slowly reaching out to pat him on the back. "Paul, I'm sorry. If you want to talk about it, you--"

"What do you have to be sorry for? You didn't do anything," he said coldly, turning to give me a look. "Just leave me alone, please."

"Paul--"

"Gene, just go away!" he shouted, before burying his face in his hands. "I don't want to talk right now."

I dropped my hand, rising to my feet. "When you want to, just tell me, please. But don't...don't feel like you have to if you don't want to," I said gently, heading toward the door.

"Gene, Gene wait, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that or gotten mad at you, I don't know why I...why I did what I did. I'm sorry, I just thought that...that you...I don't know, I'm sorry! I'm just confused and I shouldn't have taken it out on you and I'm sorry," he whispered.

I stopped, hand on the knob, and turned to look at him, trying unsuccessfully to force a reassuring smile. "No, it's okay. Do you want to talk about it now?"

Taking a shaking breath, he nodded. I walked back over and perched on the edge of his bed, unsure of how close to sit to him. I looked at him, trying to look kind with no clue how I was supposed to react to the entire situation. A fresh wave of tears welled up in Paul's eyes as he took a deep breath, drawing his knees to his chest.

"I'm sorry I did what I...that I...I've just...I don't know, ever since...ever since freshman year I've...you know," he mumbled, tripping over his words and shrinking deeper into the blankets.

"Been...gay?" I asked after an excruciatingly long pause.

He shook his head, tears spilling over and rolling down his beet-red face. "No! I-I mean, I don't know! No, not...not gay. Bi, I guess. I like girls, I love Ava, I really do, but--but I've also..." He took a deep breath before finally looking at me, face somehow getting even redder. "I've been in love with you since freshman year."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't do anything but stare at him in shock as he continued. "And--and I just couldn't take not knowing anymore if...if you...so I just...I took the chance because I-I wanted so badly for you to like me back that I guess I just took the things you said and I heard what I wanted to hear so I...I...dammit, I'm sorry! I ruined everything!" he choked, brushing away tears angrily.