Behind My Eyes

April 5th, 2020

Dear Journal,
Today is my best friends birthday and the day my dad died not this year but in 2004. My mom earlier tonight went out front on our porch and cried for at least an hour then came back inside as if everything was okay. See I have a dad his name is Mich and him and my mom love each other dearly and they made my two little sisters but before that .. before she met Mich she was in love with someone else. Pierre. I'll tell you the story of how they met just before I was born. Picture Old Philly and row houses made of brick .It was the beginning of Middle School when a new family moved two houses down from where my mum lived at the time with her family. She was sitting on the porch eating sunflower seeds ,when a young girl dark skin with long dark brown hair comes up to her and says " Hey my little brother thinks your cute and wanted me to tell you" the long haired girl says my mom giggles and asks the girl her name the girl says " I'm Kira" see I don't want to get too into detail but long story short my mother fell in love with Pierre and they made me and see they thought they would spend the rest of their lives with each other until one night. One dreadful horrid night. My father went out to the store and on his way home one of his "friends" invited him inside for a game of cards and well he trusted him so he went inside to have fun. When suddenly the man pulled a gun out on my father and shot him then left him in an alley. See I don't remember a lot from my mother's stories but I remember her saying that she went to the hospital to go see him and there was nothing the doctors could do he had internal bleeding. I mean picture the way my mum felt thinking she'd be alone raising their kid without a father and having to start all over in her life. Think about how he felt knowing he was going to leave her and never be able to see his baby he wanted so dearly. I mean I wasn't alive and never met him but I just always felt and feel a connection to him. I mean I sometimes talk to his brother and sisters but his mom my grandma she doesn't really spend time with me. She says she loves me but really she has better things to do then see me. Anyway I love Mich so much. He's my dad and always will be. People would come up to him when he was engaged to my mom and say stuff like I'm not his real daughter and my dad did not like that at all he'd argue with them saying I am one hundred percent his and always will be and that's true. I'm his daughter I remember the day he adopted me and everything it was wonderful and now i have an amazing family and take care of my mom all the time. I'm just saying love everyone around you please you never know what's going on in their head because my sisters didn't know my mum was upset so I had to take matters into my own hands and keep them not knowing and all happy. I don't know where this is going anymore but stay safe and love everybody.
                               Lil Mang Out