merthur oneshots

Love Me When We Are Together

The two are alone. Or, as alone as you can be when with someone who shares your heart.

Fire crackled to their left, embers flying dangerously close. They shared a log as a seat and they faced each other, knees touching.

Laughter filled any silence from the men, making it known that even if they are alone, there are other souls near. Lancelot laughs. Percival shouts. Gwaine drinks. Leon reprimands. Elyan shakes his head at the antics.

Merlin traces the ridges of the log, it's rough bark, between them. It goes in every direction with no rhyme or reason and he thinks how similar nature can be to the beating organ in his chest.

When he has traced it thrice and begins again, Arthur reaches out and places his hand on Merlin's. He holds it still, and even when he knows Merlin will not move again, he keeps it there.

Merlin opens his mouth, to tease, to question, to voice his confusing thoughts, but he closes it again. Arthur notes that when Merlin does, his mouth doesn't close all the way, his lips gently parted at the center.

When he closes his mouth Arthur opens his, "How long do we have?"

"For what?" Merlin asked. "For love? For life? I seek more than stolen kisses when our friends backs are turned! I love you, but I want you to love me in the way that I do you."

"I do!" Arthur protests, but Merlin silences him.

"You cannot. You are a king, and I am a servant. You are nobility and I am the bottom of the barrel. While you are forced to strive for the best I accept the worst and look at it like gold. Am I selfish for wanting real gold now? Am I selfish for wanting more than stolen kisses and lingering touches?"

"No-"

"I want more than this secret between us, Arthur. I want to wake up next to you and not have to sneak out only to come back in holding your breakfast like I have not loved you the night before. I want to feel your hand intertwined with mine in the same way that our hearts are, without letting go every time we think we hear steps. I want to love you and not fear the judgment of others, but I cannot do that until you do. Arthur, my heart feels it is not whole unless you are with me. My eyes search until they find you. My hands yearn for your warmth. But I fear that you are not the same as I."

"I love you," Arthur breathed. "My days are clouded without you. My heart does not beat when you are not with me. My hand is not complete when it is not intertwined with yours. I want to express it all through chastising you like a schoolboy. I don't know what to do with myself when you are with me and when you are parted."

"Then act like it," Merlin harshly spoke. "If you love me in the way that you say then you will not introduce me as your servant. You don't need to tell the world of our love, as that is ours to keep, but you cannot tell them that I am nothing more than a peasant who washes your clothes and cleans your room! If you can't introduce me as anything else, then just do not say anything. Say my name, to me, to yourself, to our friends, to anyone in the world. Say it how you do when you are angry with me. Say it how you do when you laugh. Say it how you do when we are one within the night, and no one else is around. Say my name like you love me."

"Merlin," Arthur began, breathless. "Merlin I love you. Merlin I want you, when I am delirious and when I am sane. When I  feel the sun inside my heart or the moon inside my brain. When I can feel nothing but the love you speak of, or the frustration that you feel. Merlin I love you, Merlin I want you,"

The two men paused, and the world around them continued. The fire still crackled, the wind still howled, the knights still existed.

Without care about how the world continues without them, Arthur launched himself towards Merlin and caught his lips with his own. Merlin felt no hesitation and moved with Arthur. His hands laced through the golden strands around Arthur's head. Arthur grabbed Merlin by the hips and pulled him as close as he could. The men held each other so close and with so much abandon it was as though they were one, and the world was destroyed around them.

"I love you." Arthur broke away and spoke, the words tumbling into one another. "I love you when we are alone. When we are together. When I fight and don't know if we will survive and when I wake in the morning to see your face. I would tell the world, and heaven and hell and whatever else is in this god forsaken place that I love you before I would ever let you go. Just- Just don't leave me, I can't survive with half a heart."

Merlin leaned forward and touched their foreheads, lips grazing as he spoke. "Nor could I." He places a soft kiss on Arthur's lips and Arthur leant forwards, trying to deepen the contact. Merlin smiled. "I will love you and stay with you until the sun burns out and until the moon is gone. I love you, Arthur Pendragon."

"And I you, Merlin Emrys."