the bully and the loner | tomtord

xx - filler is life

no one's pov

no lights filled edd's apartment. the only sounds that filled the empty room was the sound of quiet tv noises and the gentle wind from the open window that flashed by through edd's ear.

tord: the work here is done now.

tord: thank you, maybe i'll repay you someday

edd grasped his phone lazily. eyes reading the messages as he sighed. he was in his apartment, alone. chips on his chest and a cola can on the table. waiting to be drank and be empty of its contents.

he missed tom. he missed the sight of the tan boy with the stupid hair. the boy with the stained blue hoodie and with those special black eyes that edd thought was kinda cute.

despite the fact that they were supposed to be there to lure him to tord, he terribly missed him.

the laughs, the smiles, the good and even bad memories. the simple visits to the fish and chips store while tom gets his third ice cream of the day as the sky starts to be painted orange.

and the one time he was there to comfort tom, that wasn't fake. everything he did for tom wasn't fake. he didn't mind the tears staining his green hoodie as tan hands grip tight on his shoulders. he never did.

that simple encounter at the cafateria always brings a smile to edd's face. it was the encounter that will change his life forever since the day he discovered he could make stickmen with pencils and the broken ends of crayons.

and then tord came, bribing him with the money. with a future of being a comic artist, it would be hard to gain cash. the future is unpredictable and he wanted the best for himself.

he desperately needed the money.

but he desperately needed tom.

the thought of the tanned boy clinging onto his arm brings a blush to edd's face. tom always looked so cute doing almost anything.

he slapped himself mentally whenever he thought of tom like that. but the gods above gave edd a middle finger and decided to play with the poor boy's feelings.

it was hard to admit when he had matt, but edd likes tom. guilt would overcome the boy whenever he had thoughts of tom whenever he was around matt.

edd would definitely believe that he experienced guilt more than love.

he felt dirty. just liking someone else when matt was beside him. giving edd his lunch back then when he was bullied lots. then after years they got together happily in secret because of the mean crowds of people. but he can't shake off the feeling of limerence.

when he came to calm tom down, he desperately wanted to cuddle him in a more intimate way. his arms snaked around tom's waist as they lay in tom's checkered bed as the sun goes down and the moon takes the sun's place.

edd cringed, tightening his grip on his phone. the strong grip was hurting his hand but he didn't care. no one cared. he was alone right now, he can do whatever the hell he wants and he'll do it right now.

he has a boyfriend, and yet he likes someone he can never have. why can't the feeling go away? why did he feel like this? just why?

"fuck!" edd shouted out loud, not giving a single fuck to his neighbours in his apartment. he threw his phone at the wall. not caring any bit and huddled his head into his arms.

why was life so confusing? he was bound to mess up because of every twists and turns that life drove through.

tears welled up in his eyes. why was he crying? such a simple thought and yet the memory brings tears to his eyes.

why the fuck was he crying?

was it the fact he can't have tom? or was it that he has matt who likes him to death and he feels bad for him? or is it both? mashed up together in a way where it caused eternal pain to the poor boy's heart?

was he fucking crying because of some crappy love?

edd chuckled and brought his head up. looking at his phone to see if it gave up and cracked. and it did. it fucking cracked. edd cracked too, he broke because of the blissful yet scary feeling of something called love. it was so damn cheesy but he couldn't stop thinking about that.

he walked to the phone. pieces of screen protector was lying on the carpeted floor. he picked it up and went to his contacts app.

he looked at himself in the mirror. he looked pathetic. tears streaking down his face and dark bags under his eyes was there. his nose was pink and he just wanted to be done with this.

his finger was hovering over the call button. was he going to do it? his life can get messed up. but the thing is no one will care. matt won't care. his friends won't care. the stars above won't care. edd didn't care and he never will. it's his life and he's gonna make a big ass turn. his future will be damned.

it's now or never. he pressed the call button and brought the phone to his ear. desperately waiting for the person to pick up. and he heard the sounds of gentle wind and static.

"t-tom..?"