Fall, Snow Savior (HIATUS)

[1] The Question

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Psalm asked her. Inaasahan niya na itong tanong na 'to pero ano ba ang dapat niyang isagot dito? If she say yes, it will just be a one-sided love and if she say no, he'll be hurt. Of course, kahit naman anong isagot niya masasaktan niya ito, kasi ano pang silbi kung sasabihin niyang oo kung hindi niya naman ito mahal, it will be unfair for Psalm.

"Hey, are you okay? Hindi ka na nakasagot" he asked her, she looked at him and saw that smile and sparkling eyes of him, very hopeful and wishful. She cannot just reject him, she thought, not now ang dami na nitong nagawa para sakanya, he stayed when no one was beside her, he took care of her and made her feel loved every day, she cannot just reject him.

Maybe if she can give him a little more time she can finally feel that thing they called, o mas magandang sabihin kung makakapg-hintay pa ba ito sakanya.

"Can you give me a little more time to think about it? It's just that.." paano niya ba sasabihin dito na wala pa siyang pagmamahal na nararamdaman para sa manliligaw? Ayaw niyang mawala ang magandang ngiti nito.

"It's just what? Isn't 1 year enough to you? Because it's enough for me, you know I love you for almost a year now" Hindi alam ni Leir ang sasabihin dito, is it enough to say yes to him kahit wala naman siya ditto ni katiting na pagmamahal na nararamdaman?

"and I know you feel the same way too..." nabigla siya, mahal niya na nga ba ito? pero she can't feel anything towards Psalm, she doesn't even know if he's true to his promises and words he told her, paano nito nasabi na mahal niya ito?

"Psalm, I can't answer you right now, it's just I think we need more time to really know each other. You know, can't we just savor this moment and enjoy, then if the time comes, if we go there, I'll tell you what my answer is." After telling him, she look at him in the eye, the sparkle that was there a while ago are now gone, she can also feel him gritting his teeth and judging by how he breathe deeply, she thought that they're dinner will not end nicely.

"You need more time? Really?" she nodded, clearly Psalm didn't like her answer but Leir knew her self better, she needed more time because that is just how she is.

A moment of silence, no one dared to talk, yun ang akala ni Leir because Psalm snapped.

"You know what Leir? I'm tired of this, me following and courting you. Alam mo kung anong probema sayo? you're so full of doubt, sobrang hirap mo na magtiwala sa isang tao..." Nagsisimula nang maramdaman ni Leir yung frustration ni Psalm - She can feel his tiredness and that's the scariest thing that she wants to see and know.

"You keep on saying you need more time hanggang umabot na ng 1 year ang panliligaw ko, pero anong nangyari? Hanggang ngayon yan pa rin ang sagot mo, wala ka na bang ibang excuse? Pwede mo naman sabihin na ayaw mo diba? You could've just rejected me pero hindi pinatagal mo pa!" Leir couldn't see Psalm's eyes, she doesn't want to look at it kasi masasaktan siya. She never thought na ganito pala yung naiisip ni Psalm, she doesn't know that her answer is important for him and theirs. She's trying her best to diver her attention and the urge to look at Psalm's face by holding the table napkin.

"You know what? I think you just toyed me.." Napasinghap si Leir ng marinig niya ito galing kay Psalm. She couldn't think straight. 

"Psalm, no. I never toyed you, hindi kita pinaglaruan and I will never do that. You know that right?" She asked Psalm, hoping that he will understand her at alisin sa isip nito ang akalang pinaglalaruan niya lang si Psalm. When Psalm did not answered, she looked up only to see him smirking and shaking his head. Leir bit her lower lip, trying to suppress the emotions she is feeling right now because she knows, just by that facial expression and behavior that Psalm doesn't believe her. 

"You guess so? Siguro dati masasabi ko na alam ko, pero ngayon? I don't think so.." That was painful, you little dragon. Hindi na alam ni Leir kung ano ang gagawin o sasabihin niya para lang malaman ni Psalm na ni minsan hindi niya ito pinaglaruan - maybe back when they were still in college, yes pero pareho nilang alam na biruan lang 'yon. 

"You don't even have a consideration about how I feel. Kaya ka siguro wala masyadong kaibigan, at kaya ka siguro palaging iniiwanan. Pagod na ako. Dapat pala nakinig na lang ako sa mga kaibigan ko, I shouldn't have courted you. I wish I never see you again."