Ms. Forever Alone

Chapter 6

"PAIN"

Ilang linggo na ang nakalipas pero di parin mawala sakin yung mga salitang binitawan ni JAP sakin. Nagpapatunay lang na I don't deserve love and happiness. Ilang beses ko mang sabihin sa utak ko na ibabalewala ko nalang yung mga sinabi niya, pero, ayaw parin mawala eh. Mugtong mugto na ang mga mata ko sa kakaiyak at halos di na ako naiintindihan ng mga clients na tumatawag sakin dahil ngongo na ang pananalita ko. 

"Mai? Are you okay?" 

Biglang napukaw ang atensyon ko nang tinanong ako ng team leader namin. Siya si Ms. Candice. Mabait na team leader si Ms. Candice, sa katunayan parang nanay ko na siya. Some of my co workers said na hiwalay na daw si Ms. Candice sa kanyang asawa at may anak daw itong lalaki. She's indeed mysterious, at di mo mababasa ang utak niyan. 

"Ahm, y-yes maam." Sumagot naman ako sa kanya and showed my genuine smile, I think. 

"Well you don't look like you are." 

Hayy, tama maam. I am not okay. I really am not. 

"Come on Malia. If you're not comftable talking to it here, then let's drink coffee, perhaps later? After work? K?" 

After work, dumiretso kami ni Maam Candice sa isang coffee shop malapit dito sa office namin. 

"Tell me what's bothering you?" Tanong ni Maam Candice sakin.

"Maam? Na inlove ka na po ba?" I absent-mindedly asked her.

"Hahahahahaha." 

Nagulat ako sa pagtawa ni Maam Candice. Never ko pa siyang nakitang tumawa. As in, never in a million years. Ngayon lang.

"Hmmm. Love? Siyempre naman, lahat naman siguro tayo na inlove na diba? Whether it's love between two people or just unrequitted. Sa stado ko, yes, I've been in love." 

She sipped her coffee while amusingly looking at me.

"Was that your problem Mai? Pag ibig?" 

Tumango ako bilang pagsagot sa tanong ni Maam Candice.

"Hmmm, I was in love, well, at least I was. Haha. Na in love ako sa taong never nasuklian ang pagmamahal ko. He was then my husband. I was married to him when I was eighteen years young tapos he was 20 back then. My parents and his were like bestfriends since childhood, kaya yun they planned of something stupid. Balak ng mga parents namin na ipakasal kami when the right time comes. At first, ayoko. Siyempre, who would want to get married to someone you don't even like or love diba?"

Tumatango ako habang nagku-kwento sa Maam Candice. 

"And since then, nung kinasal kami, pakiramdam ko, he was the coldest man I could ever imagine."

Napatulala si Maam Candice, at biglang tumulo ang kanyang luha.

"I was actually hoping for the best for both of us. I was trying to make our marriage work. Kahit hindi ko siya mahal, pipilitin kong mahalin siya. And so I did. And well yeah, my feelings grew after a year of forcing my self to love him. Pero siya? Wala, he's cold, he's heartless. He would even bring girls sa bahay and would even show me how he would kiss his girls. I couldn't do anything at that time. Alangan naman diba aawayin ko siya? Hindi naman niya ako mahal. Until one evening, he was drunk, ang arogante niya nun. He pushed me sa bed and kissed me. Wala na akong nagawa Mai, it was one mistake but i felt like it was the best night ever."

She wiped her tears and sipped her coffee.

"Ayun, haha, nagkaanak kami. Pero hindi niya tinuring na anak ang anak namin. Pakiramdam ko pabigat lang kami nun sa kanya. Kaya umalis ako. Kinalimutan ko siya."

"Pero you know what's funny Mai?" 

"I still can't forget him. I still can't, and I won't. He was the coldest yet the man I'd die to spend my lifetime with." 

Hindi ko namalayang napaluha na pala ako sa pagku-kwento ng love story ni Maam Candice. Grabe. Hindi ko akalaing ganyan ang naranasan ni Maam Candice noon. 

"Hindi ko man alam ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon Mai, pero I know it's something unrequitted. Right?"

Tumango ako at umiyak nalang sa harap ni Maam Candice, niyakap naman ako ni Maam Candice.

"Mali you know what? Love is the best thing in the world, yet it can be the most cruel, and painful thing ever. Hindi sa lahat ng panahon, umaayon sa atin ang pag-ibig. Hindi sa lahat ng panahon, maipaglalaban tayo ng pag-ibig, because life isn't a chapter of a book. This is reality, and to feel pain is natural. Dahil sa pain ng pag-ibig, natuto akong lumaban Mai, natuto akong maging matatag para sa anak ko, at natuto akong magpatawad sa mga taong nagpaiyak noon sakin. Learn how to accept the fact that Love and Pain demands to be felt. So stop crying ha?" 

Dahil sa mga sinabi ni Maam Candice, nabuhayan ako. Oo nga, tama siya, I should stop crying. Magpapakatatag nalang ako sa ngayon. 

"Ay by the way, I saw this sa desk mo earlier this morning." 

Inabot sakin ni Maam Candice ang isang papel.

"That's a note, and I don't know where did it come from."

Napatulala ako sa note na iyon na nagsasabing. . . 

"I'M SORRY" - J

Kanino kaya galing to? At bakit siya nagso-sorry? 

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Guys, sorry po sa super duper late late late late update. I was busy sa OJT life ko. 

And sorry sa update na minadali ko lang ngayon.

Emo pa talaga.

Promise, I'll make it up to you guys soon.

I love you all.