always raining - Poetry

&i dont even want it anymore

my head is filled with mocking voices
my dreams filled with haunting nightmares
my heart filled with dust and cobwebs
my hopes dashed to pieces every time im reminded of this

p a t i e n c e, everyone says
ive done my waiting
what if he doesnt even know my name?
what if he does is, even.worse
i dont even care a n y m o r e

can someone make sense of this nonsense? does no one understand i am being tortured? I'm going c r a z y
and you're all participating, you've all got tickets to the show, i hope you're enjoying yourself

this story ends with me hugging myself in a straitjacket in a padded room

AND I dont even care anymore

dont even feel your punches, I've become numb, dont even hear the love songs, turn the radio the fuck off, all of this for what? I Dont even want it anymore

Halfway through the marathon, fuck it, ill toss down the towel and turn around, who needs a trophy? theres gotta be something better than this, i barely even wanted it in the first place

all that keeps me hanging on is the blind hopes at love, i dont even want that anymore

i asked for a soulmate
i got trials and tribulations
i got ignored, i got false promises,
Destroyed dreams and nightmares, i got tricked, deceived, toyed with and
Wild tauntings of people i dont even know,
a hired studio audience, laughing at my weakest moments
blindly groped at by hungry reaching hands

&fo what??

can somebody please tell me?

Do you have the receipt? Because return to sender.

and no one to make sense of why this even started and why im continuing to be tormented? Just an audience to watch me fall. Ok hun.

I'll be your martyr, at this point im just joining the show, ill play my role, we'll see who has the last laugh, we'll see who gets the last hit, ill stand there bloody with a smile on my face while i take a bow

(thank you and goodnight)

keep saying those sweet nothings into my ear, o wait, that's silence!

keep filling me with warmth and love, o wait, u ignore me!

keep acknowledging my presence and meaningfulness in your life...o wait...

u see where this is going?

F U C K I T