Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter eight

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us as we live."

--------------------------

•Rae•

Instead of looking out the taxi window like I normally do, I rest my head on Kyle's shoulder and hold his hand. His grip on my hand tightens as we take a turn and the church comes into view.

Since he went to work in the morning, and I to the nursing school, we didn't have enough time to inform Jess in person. Kyle called her before he went to work, and I texted her the address and time. Even though I was next to him as he made the phone call, I wasn't able to guess her reaction just by over hearing her voice. Kyle was very blunt about it, as expected, and the only indication I got of her shock was the several seconds of silence after he broke the news. And then she cleared her throat and asked if they were going to the funeral or not.

I glance at my watch as we walk towards the church. "It's 1:20 already. But we're only five minutes late so it's okay, right?"

"I don't plan on staying anyway. Let's just get it over with."

Since that answer had nothing to do with my question, I know he's subtly telling me to not ask him to stay after the funeral and talk to his mom.

We stand just outside the door but neither of us make a move to open it. I turn towards him and hold his shoulders as he looks down at me. "Ready?"

His face is emotionless but he shakes his head no.

I don't want to suggest going back home, but his mental state is what matters to me the most. So if he can't handle this, then so be it. I won't pressure him. "Do you wanna go back? We can go back if you want."

He's quiet for a few moments, but then I see the determination in his eyes as he shakes his head again.

We hear footsteps behind us and look back to see Jess and Trevor approaching us. They're dressed in all black, just like us, but Trevor looks more pained than the rest of us. He has a grim look on his face, which is a rare sight since he has a carefree personality.

Jess runs into Kyle's arms and they stand there hugging each other for a few moments. I walk towards Trevor to give him a quick hug before quietly asking how she's doing.

"She's... she's been acting like it's no big deal," he whispers. "She's not pretending so she can hide it from me, but to fool herself into believing she doesn't care so it wouldn't hurt. At least, that's what I think is going on."

"You're right," I say quietly. "Kyle was doing the same thing yesterday."

Kyle and Jess pull apart and we walk towards them. We all silently agree to go in, and Trevor slowly pushes the door open. Jess follows after him and we do the same.

The church is filled with more people than I expected, and the four of us quietly sit on the very last row. A choir is performing a song so I guess we already missed the first step, which would normally be visiting the deceased by going near the coffin. I didn't get to experience that during my parents funeral because the sight of their bodies was too gruesome to be seen.

Looking towards the front, I see a picture of their father, surrounded by flowers and cards. The first thing I notice is that he looks like an older version of Kyle. Their sandy blond hair and facial features are exactly the same, and anyone would be able to tell in a single glance that they're related.

The song ends a few minutes later, and then an older looking pastor goes up to the stand. We hang our heads low and close our eyes as he leads the prayer. And then he clears his throat and starts reading a few verses.