Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter sixteen

"Grief is like the ocean. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it's overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

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•Rae•

"I think we're going the wrong way." I'm shaken back to reality as the boy I'm pushing on a wheelchair speaks.

I inwardly curse as I realize he's right. What's wrong with me today? All I can think about is what Kyle told me yesterday. I'm relieved that his dad had nothing to do with my parents death, but it hurts to realize that he lost his life after putting himself in danger just to get Kyle back.

"Sorry, I'm a little distracted today," I tell him as I carefully turn his wheelchair around.

"It's okay," he says softly while glancing up at me. He's only fourteen, but he's the most thoughtful boy I've ever met.

I take him to his room and help him lie down on his bed. I ask him if he wants anything else and he shakes his head.

"So, did your crush visit you yet?" I ask wiggling my eyebrows, and he laughs.

He's been telling me about her during the past few days that I've been taking care of him.

"Yup. Some of my classmates visited yesterday and she was one of them," he tells me, blushing.

"Oooh that's great." I smile, nudging his side. "You'll totally score a date with her when you get out of here."

It warms my heart as he gives me a wide smile. These are the moments that remind me of why I decided to be a nurse in the first place. Every patient I've encountered so far seems to appreciate having someone take their mind off treatment, if only for a moment.

Volunteering has helped me realize that it doesn’t take a lot of effort to make a difference in a patient’s life. Something as simple as offering a cup of water or a hot cup of coffee can be enough to remind them that they’re not facing this fight alone. It makes me so happy to realize that with every volunteer shift my effort brings each patient some peace of mind. Even if our only interaction is an exchanged smile, I feel I’ve accomplished something that day. I remember what I said in the group therapy back in the mental hospital the day we discussed our future careers. All I wanted was a job that would allow me to help people and it makes me proud that that's exactly what I'm doing now.

But as much as I love this job, the most difficult thing for me is the fact that I must be there for the patient but never get attached to them. I have to comfort them but also stay detached so it won't be painful if something is to ever happen to them. Luckily I haven't lost any one I've taken care of during the past few months that I've been a volunteer and I hope it stays that way.

When I'm done with my shift, I head home knowing Kyle will be there. As I get to our apartment, I find him on the couch watching TV.

"Hey." I place a kiss on his cheek.

"How was work?" he asks me as I drag my feet to the bedroom in the dramatic way that never fails to make him laugh. I smile as I hear him chuckling.

"It was great," I yell as I throw my bag into the closet. I'm tired and all I wanna do is relax with him.

But as I finish changing my clothes, I hear the doorbell ringing. "I got it," Kyle calls out to me and I hear his footsteps as he rushes to open it. Thinking it must be Jess and Trevor, I walk out of the bedroom only to see Detective Peter standing there.

Kyle glances back at me and we share the same surprised look before he turns back to Peter.

"Sorry for coming unannounced," Peter says, glancing into our apartment. "Can I come in?"

Kyle steps away to let him in without a word, and Peter walks in shrugging his jacket off. He nods at me as a greeting before sitting on the couch.

"Uh, hi, is everything okay?" I ask, hoping they found something new.

"Have a seat, both of you." Peter gestures to the loveseat across from him.

Kyle and I share a look before doing as we're told.

"My first question is, why did you hide the fact that you're Jim's son?" Peter asks, looking at Kyle.

Kyle isn't shocked. We knew they'd find out eventually anyway.  "I'm sorry, I just didn't feel like talking about him at the time."

"Hm..." Peter hums. "Can you tell me the reason?"

Kyle glances at me before looking back at Peter. "We had family issues... it's personal. I hadn't seen him in years so when I found out it was him who reported the murder... I was shocked."

Peter studies him for a moment before nodding. "Let's leave that and come to the most important topic. What did your mother tell you yesterday?"

Kyle and I glance at each other in surprise. How did he know?

He notices the look on our faces and starts to explain, "I was there yesterday. I went to Jim's house so I can talk to his wife in case she knew something, and I saw you walk out of there. I was confused but I didn't want to question you right away. I was planning to keep a close eye on you but after I talked to her and went back to the police station, I asked for Jim's file and found out you were one of his children."

"Did she... did she provide useful information when you talked to her?" Kyle asks.

"I'm the one asking you that," Peter chuckles. "Tell me everything she told you."

Kyle glances at me again and I see the hesitation in his eyes. If he tells Peter everything then that means he'll have to reveal that he was a member of the gang.

"All she told me was that he had a video evidence and he gave it to you," he says calmly.

"Yeah, but he wouldn't tell me why he was recording it in the first place," Peter says. "I have it with me, if you want to see."

"The video?" I ask in surprise, and he nods.

Kyle looks at me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you sure you wanna see this?"

I hesitate for a moment before nodding.

Peter takes his phone out and opens the video before giving it to Kyle. We watch as the camera zooms in on a couple of guys approaching a window. I can tell that it's my old home, I don't have to see the whole house to figure it out. Just as Kyle's mom described to him, the guys peer into the window before rushing back into their car and driving off. And then his dad's hand is seen on the door handle as he steps out of his car and walks closer to our home. Through the window I can see our living room on fire, and my eyes focus on the big family picture that's hanging on our wall above the couch. Sometimes when the three of us rushed to that couch for a family movie night my dad and I used to joke that if I had two other siblings we'd look like The Simpsons characters.

And then I hear it. Mom and Dad screaming for help.

My chest suddenly feels heavy and a lump forms in my throat. "Oh my God," I chock out holding a hand to my heart, and Kyle hugs me closer to his side.

The video ends right after a man comes out of the house. Only his side profile is visible before his dad lowers his camera.

Kyle watches the ending a few more times as if he would find something else if he concentrated hard enough. But then he gives Peter's phone back to him and holds my trembling body closer to him. "It's okay," he tries to comfort me as he kisses the top of my hair.

"If there isn't anything else you have to tell me, I'll leave you two alone," Peter says, standing up. "We're trying to find the man. I'm sure it won't take long, so don't worry. I'll give you a call if we find something new and don't forget to do the same."

"Thank you," Kyle nods, and Peter grabs his jacket before waking out on his own.

I start sobbing as soon as I hear the door click shut, and Kyle hugs me tighter.

"Shit, I shouldn't have let you see that. I'm sorry," he mumbles.

"No, it's my fault." I sniff, soaking his shirt with my tears. "I thought I could handle it."

Kyle holds me without a word as I continue to cry. We stay that way, until my tears stop and only the pain and sorrow remains.