Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter nineteen

"Loving you is like breathing. How could I stop that?"

-----------------

•Kyle•

I open my eyes, but the bright sunlight makes me squint and I quickly close them again. I slowly sit up and find myself on the couch facing the window. I'm confused for a second, forgetting that I slept in the living room. But then I remember what happened yesterday.

Despite being so angry with Rae, all I wanted to do was hug the life out of her when she came in drenched from the rain. I had been so worried about her when I got home so late and realized she wasn't there. I knew she couldn't be with Jess and Trevor since they were out of town, so I knew she must've gone out to look for me.

I had been pacing back and forth by the time I heard the door open. I quickly lied down on the couch so she wouldn't know I was waiting for her and forced myself to stay silent. When she told me she was looking for me and then apologized for what she did in that quiet, strained voice, I almost gave in. But then I reminded myself why I was mad at her in the first place. It still broke my heart though to see her shivering as I stole a glance at her while she was walking away.

I can't stay mad at her no matter how hard I try. But I want her to know what she did was wrong.

I see twelve text messages from Jess, some of them written in all caps, some with only my name and exclamation marks, and the rest of them threatening me to go back home and make up with Rae.

[I'm so worried abt u so u better be okay! if you're ignoring me on purpose I swear I will fhjkkk]

I chuckle at the last text, knowing Trevor must've snatched the phone out of her hands before she could finish her threat. I quickly type my reply to let her know I'm okay before getting off the couch.

I glance at the bedroom to see that the door is still closed. I check the time. 10:38 am. It's late even for a weekend, so Rae must've eaten her breakfast and went back in.

My phone chimes and I look down at it to see that Jess has already texted back.

[Oh what a relief... I didn't sleep at all last night worrying abt u but now I can finally rest. Thanks for confirming your safety as soon as u could. It only took u like 10 hrs it's not a big deal.]

I shake my head amused by her sarcasm, and quickly text my apology.

Her reply comes a minute later.

[Yeah yeah whatever it's fine. Rae told me last night that everything's fine so I had a peaceful sleep.]

Glancing at the bedroom again at the mention of Rae, I force myself to not go in there. Heading to the kitchen instead, I grab a pan from the cabinet. I surprise myself when I check if the stove is warm to figure out if she already had breakfast or not. You're supposed to be mad at her, Kyle.

The bedroom door suddenly opens, and Rae walks out rubbing her eyes. The first thing she does is glance at the couch, but then I accidentally knock the pan off the stove and she turns to me. Fortunately the pan is empty, so I quickly pick it up and place it back on the stove, making sure to not look up at her. I hear the bedroom door close as I'm taking eggs out of the fridge, and I glance back to see that she went back in.

After making breakfast and taking my share of the food, I reach for another plate so I can put hers on it. But then I pause remembering that I'm supposed to be mad at her.

Two minutes pass, but Rae is still in the bedroom. Just eat by yourself, I scold myself. But the food ends up getting cold while I hover around the cabinet. The bedroom door opens again, and I quickly sit down on the stool to act like I wasn't waiting for her.

Rae walks over and sits in front of me. I steal a glance at her and notice that she's still wearing her pajamas, but her hair is pulled up in a pony tail. She grabs a plate and puts the rest of the food on it. We start eating in silence, not making eye contact even once. Finishing first, I get up to wash my plate. She stands up after me and brings her plate to the sink, but I walk away before she can stand next to me.

I hear her cough as I walk into the bedroom. I frown. She must've caught a cold when she went out in that rain last night. Maybe I should make some tea for her... No, she can take care of herself.

I know that if I stay here I won't last long without making up with her. I already forgave her. But I don't want to let her know it yet. I want her to realize how upset I am, and make sure she would never do something like that again.

So I take a shower, change my clothes and walk out of the apartment. Seeing her in the kitchen on my way out, I wonder why she's still standing there.

I end up spending the whole day outside, by aimlessly walking around town until lunch, and then hanging out with Jason the whole afternoon.

We end up in a nightclub around 09:00 pm. He calls his girlfriend and she joins us. We have a few drinks but I make sure to stay sober. The last time I got drunk was three years ago, the night before I got admitted into the mental hospital. Rae and I always had a little amount of alcohol whenever we went out with Jess and Trevor.

Jason and his girlfriend keep drinking, occasionally leaving me to go to the dance floor and then coming back when they get tired.

"It's getting late!" Jason yells so that his voice can be heard to us above the loud music.

"Yeah!" his girlfriend-- who's name I can't remember, agrees. "Are you planning on spending the whole night here?" she asks me with a smile.

"Don't you wanna go back to..." Jason slurs, forgetting Rae's name. "Your girlfriend?" he finishes, and they both giggle for no reason. Either these two are lightweight drinkers or we've been here longer than I thought for them to get this wasted.

I glance at my watch. 02:25 am. I can't believe I've been sitting here for hours.

"Yeah, let's go." I stand up, and they follow after me. Since they're too drunk to even walk properly, I make sure they both get home safely before heading to the apartment.

I quietly open the door so it won't disturb Rae. As I walk to the couch, I'm surprised to find her sleeping on it. A thin cloth is wrapped around her head-- she does that whenever she has a headache. I also notice pills and a glass of water on the table, and it confirms my suspicion that she really is sick.

Since her body isn't covered with a blanket, I know she didn't mean to fall asleep on the couch. Knowing she was waiting up for me makes me want to carry her to our bed and curl up next to her, but I control myself. I bring a duvet from the bedroom and carefully drape it over her before crouching to the floor. I reach out to pull some of her hair out of her face, being careful not to wake her up. Tracing her eyebrow with my thumb, I stare at her for a moment until she starts mumbling something in her sleep. I sigh as I stand up.

I guess I'm sleeping on the bed tonight.