Beautiful Mess (Book II)

Chapter twenty-three

"Forgiveness is a simple word. But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt."

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•Kyle•

I quicken my pace as I get closer to the apartment building.

Rae hasn't called me yet and I'm worried about her. I glance at my watch. 06:58 pm. She should be home by now.

I go up the stairs and freeze as I reach our floor. My mother is sitting on top of the stairs, her gaze focused on the hand bag she's clutching. She looks nervous. As I just stand there silently, she suddenly looks up and notices me.

"Kyle," she breathes out, quickly standing up. She stumbles a little, and I reach my hand out on instinct. But I quickly pull it back as she steadies herself.

"What do you want?" I frown.

She steps down the stairs, closing the distance between us. "Kyle, my son."

I stare into her eyes blankly. "So I'm your son now?"

She opens her mouth but no words come out. She closes it and takes a deep breath. "You've always been my son."

"Really? Because I remember a different story. I remember being abandoned, and spending years without even seeing my family." I pass her and rush up the stairs.

I hear her footsteps as she follows after me. Taking my keys out of my pocket, I hurry to open the door and escape the situation, but her hand shoots out and stops me.

"Don't touch me." I glare at her hand resting on my arm. This is the first time we made any kind of physical contact in about five years, and it's making me uncomfortable to say the least.

"I'm sorry," she chocks out, tears forming in her eyes. She doesn't let go of my arm, her grip gets even tighter. "I still love you. I'm still your mom."

I close my eyes. And at this exact moment I remember my promise to Rae. I didn't tell her I'd forgive my mother, but I did promise to try. And this isn't trying.

Despite wanting to yank my arm out of her grip, I control myself and unlock the door with my left hand. Pushing it open, I just stare at her blankly. She takes the cue and steps inside without wasting a second.

She lingers around the couch and I sit down first. She hesitantly steps closer and sits next to me. We're too close for my liking, but I don't say anything. You promised to try, I remind myself again.

"I don't think I can apologize enough times," she starts, her voice still thick with emotion. "No matter what I say, it won't be enough. But I really am sorry."

"I don't want your apology. An explanation would be nice though," I mutter bitterly.

She nods and looks down, quickly wiping her tears. "I... I don't regret putting you in there because it was for your own good. What I regret is not visiting you. A mother shouldn't go that long without seeing her children, it's just too painful. But I--" a sob interrupts her, and she buries her face into her hands. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't come see you. I don't deserve you and Jess. All I did was ruin your lives. I never protected you like I was supposed to. Just like I believed Jess was better off without me, I believed you were better off without me too. I-- I thought we'd start over after you get better and come back home. But I was wrong, I abandoned you when you needed me the most. I couldn't see that at the time, but I do now. I don't want it to be too late. Please tell me it's not too late."

My own tears are threatening to fall, so I blink them back and look away from her. We sit there for a few moments, her sobs being the only sound that can be heard in the house.

And then I feel her hand on my shoulder, and my body stiffens. I don't look at her, but I don't push her away either.

"Please tell me it's not too late," she repeats, her voice hoarse from all the crying. "That's all I need to hear. We can work on our relationship, slowly, one step at a time. Just tell me it's not too late. I just want one last chance."

I can't bring myself to answer her. For the past few years all I've felt towards her was anger and hate, and now I'm suddenly conflicted and that frustrates me.

I glance at her, and her bloodshot eyes stare back at me. She looks desperate. But I was desperate too five years ago and she wasn't there for me. My anger returns in full force, and I shrug her hand away from my shoulder like it's on fire. I stand up and she quickly does the same.

"Yes it is. It is too late." I grit out, curling my hands into fists to control myself. "Where were you all this time, huh? You said you were waiting for me to get better and get out of that hospital, right? Then where were you the past two years? It's been two years since I got released, two years! I don't need you now. Jess doesn't need you either. You weren't there when we needed you, so why are you here now?"

Breathing heavily, I wait for her answer, but she does something unexpected. She throws her hands around my neck and hugs me.

I stand there frozen, too shocked to do anything. I don't even know what to think, let alone make my body respond.

"I love you both so much," she cries. "I know I never deserved to be your mother, but if you could give me one more chance, I wouldn't let you down again. I would show you how much I truly love you."

My tears start falling but I don't bother to wipe them. I don't hug her back, but I don't push her away either. We stay like that for a few minutes, until she calms down and stops crying.

She releases me from the tight hug and backs away, looking up at me. She sniffs and gives me a sad smile. "So will you give me a chance, Kyle?"

The door suddenly opens, and we look towards it to see Rae walking in. She looks lost in her thoughts, and doesn't even notice us at first, but then she looks up and freezes.

"Martha," she breathes out, a small smile forming on her face.

"Rae, sweetheart." My mom walks towards her and they hug each other.

So they're best friends now? Great.

And then she turns to me and gives me a small smile. "Come home if you decide to give me a chance. But it's okay if you don't, because I'll come see you myself. Hug Jess for me."

I don't give her a response, but after she turns back and starts to leave, I whisper to myself, "Home? That's not my home anymore."

The door clicks shut behind her as she walks out of the apartment, and I quickly dry my eyes before looking up at Rae. She's already walking towards me, and before I know it she's embracing me in a hug. She wraps her hands around my waist and rests her head on my shoulder.

"Did you guys talk?"

I take a deep breath and hesitate, not knowing what to tell her. "Yeah."

"That's good. I'm really happy."

"I promised you I'd try."

She pulls back and gives me a sad smile. "Thank you."

"So what did Peter say?" I ask her, suddenly remembering what I was worried about for the past few hours. She sighs and sits down on the couch, and I do the same.

"You wouldn't believe it." She runs a hand through her hair. "My grandparents-- on Mom's side, were criminals. And the people who caused that fire were their enemies who were trying to take revenge on them by-- by..." she struggles to say the word, "murdering their daughter."

I blink and wait for a few moments to let the information sink in. "What?" I finally ask. "But why-- why would they take revenge on people who've been long dead."

"No." She shakes her head. "My mom was lying to me. My grandparents are still alive."

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A/N So...did anyone see that coming?