Sanders sides angst/ fluff

paranoia

(virgil pov)
I had just had an anxiety attack, but what else was new. But this one was different. It had only lasted a few minutes, but it was awful every second. I felt like I couldn't control my shaking at all, and I couldn't stop crying. It made me physically exhausted, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and drown out everything else with music.
But of course, that's not gonna happen.
Roman, of all people, had summoned me.
"What?" I tried not to sound so mean, but my voice came out sharp and booming. I had used my tempest tongue out of habit, and I guess it was pretty loud because everyone seemed a little taken aback.
Roman held his hands in front of his chest, his eyes wide. Patton's eyes were just as wide as Roman's, possibly bigger, and he took a step back. Logan crossed his arms and pinched his eyelids together for a few moments.
And Thomas.
The dark circles that had been growing under his eyes for weeks were darker than ever before. His eyes shifted from me to the floor and back. He shifted his weight around, looking uncomfortable.
"Hey, Dr. Gloom? Cool your jets, alright?"
Listen, I love Roman and all, but he should know when I'm not in the mood. And I'm not in the mood right about now.
"And why should I, Princey?" The end of the word came out like a hiss, still booming.
Roman crossed his arms. "Because you're clearly the reason Thomas is like this, and you're not a huge help-"
"Roman please!" Patton looked at Roman with pleading eyes. He shifted his eyes to focus on me. " Virge, kiddo? Don't listen to Roman, " Roman rolled his eyes. "We just wanted to talk to you!"
Logan uncrossed his arms. "Patton, don't beat around the bush. We summoned you here because Thomas has been experiencing shortened periods of high levels of anxiety. We assumed you were the cause."
Patton shifted his glance over to Logan, and then back to me. "Don't listen to Logan either! This isn't your fault."
"No." I shook my head. "No, Roman and Logan are right."
Roman raised his eyebrow. "I am?"
"Sure. I mean, this is my fault. I'm the one who keeps Thomas up all night, I'm the one who worries him over nothing, again and again! I'm the one who makes him push people away because I think I'm not good enough for them! I'm the one who could easily ruin Thomas's life!" My voice was loud, louder than before.
" No! Kiddo, you're just looking out for us! " Patton's eyes were teary, and I felt a pang of guilt. "C'mon Thomas, you agree with me, he's doing everything right."
Thomas looked at the ground, shifting around. "I can't." Patton sputtered. "He is the one who keeps me up all night. He makes me so-" He raised his eyes to stare at me. "-so paranoid!"
The word hung in the air.
Paranoid.
I hadn't been called Paranoia in years.
"Thomas! Virgil, no! No, that's not true!.." Patton tried to spit out apologies and excuses, but it was no use anyway.
"Thomas is right. He has been growing increasingly paranoid. There is only one side that could be stemming from."
"Yeah Logan, I get it." My voice was low, yet still loud. " I'm paranoid. "
Nothing else matters right now.
I'm Paranoia, and I'm still a dark side, and everyone still hates me.
Patton and Roman start talking, but I don't hear them.
I sink down, and the person I least want to see is waiting for me. Or, the person I most want to see. I don't really know. I don't want to see anybody right now.
"Hello, Virgil. I'm oh so glad to see you coming back."
It's dark in my room, and I can barely see who's talking, but I know the voice far too well.
"Fuck off." I push past him and sit on my bed, reaching for my headphones on a nightstand, but he blocks my hand.
"Don't be so rude, Virgil. I'm only here to talk."
He sits down next to me, and I try to inch away, but he keeps getting closer.
"The last time I was 'talked to', I was called Paranoia."
Deceit laughed. "I'm glad they finally see you for who you really are."
That's what made me snap.
"Don't fucking talk to me like that Deceit. You can't coerce into joining you again. I'm not Paranoia and I won't ever be again."
Deceit stood up and sat in front of me, smirking.
"It's okay Virgil. You'll find out soon enough that they've always seen you as Paranoia, no matter what  you've ever thought." Deceit stood up, lifting up my face by the chin. "You'll be crawling back to us soon enough."
I wanted to scream, to curse, to tell him off, but I couldn't. All I could
do was cry. And that's what I did.
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(pt 2???  idk tell me wht u think)