Sanders sides angst/ fluff

headache (part 2? prequel?)

Virgil Storm. College. Senior year. Everything is a haze. I open my eyes and the flickering lobby lights are seriously fucking with my head. I woke up on the elevator floor, alone. From the buttons, I could tell I was on the seventh floor. I could have pressed just the button for my floor but I couldn't bring myself to. I hit the button for the lobby and closed my eyes. I have to hold onto the railings on the walls of the elevator to keep my balance. It kinda feels like the walls are swirling. I open my eyes, because I think if I keep them closed any longer, I would pass out again. Again. God, everything hurts. I can still feel where he was grabbing my neck. Where he kneed me. I can feel his breath on my face. His lips on my face. I can see his face too. His awful, mustached, Roman-esque face. I don't want to think about that. I don't ever want to think about that. I don't want to remember what happened. It didn't happen. I suddenly become aware that the doors have been open, and are closing. I stick my hand in between them and slide out the door. I walk towards the lobby doors, focusing on nothing but the floor. There's a carpet all spread out on the floor. It's an ugly, swirling pattern that consists of browns and deep reds, but a lot of the color is changed by various stains. I don't wanna know how half of them got there. I see my car out in the parking lot and start walking towards it, and pat my pockets for my keys.
My keys. My phone. My wallet. Everything that's important for me. Credit cards, loose cash, the only way I want to get around. Shit. Shit. Shit. I pat around my pockets fast. First my front jean pockets, then the back ones, then my jacket pockets. I don't feel anything anywhere, so I pat around again, slower this time. I start with my jacket this time and quickly remember the inside jacket pockets. One of the main reasons I love this jacket so much. It's a lot safer to keep valuables in the inside pocket so people can't tell I'm carrying anything. I hope that I was smart enough to transfer my stuff there as I reach in the pocket. I swear I feel myself get lighter when I feel all my stuff. Keys. Wallet. Phone. Thank god. I pull out my keys and click the unlock button, stuffing my keys back in the pocket and step into my car.
I sit in my car and adjust my mirror. The car's running, but I realize I don't know where I wanna go. I really just wanted to leave that place. I pull out of the parking lot and start driving. I know where I need to go. I need to see Roman, I need to ask so many questions. But I'm not sure if I want to. I'm not sure if I can. I know the way to Roman's house without even having to think. I'm there so much it's basically another place for me. Sometimes if I can't sleep at night, or if I'm upset, I'll drive over to Roman's house and cuddle with Roman. Cuddling with Roman is possibly the best thing to do. Ever. But god, I wish I could see his face right now. But I can't. Anytime I try and see his face in my head, I can't. I can only see Remus' fucking face. I can't shake his fucking grin from my head. Before I know it, I'm pulling into Roman's driveway. I get out and lock my car on my way to Roman's front door. He has this obnoxious door knocker I think that you're supposed to knock before you come in, but I never do. Though I do this time. I bang it a few times and twist the doorknob, but it's locked. I bang it a few more times, a little more frantically so he can hear me. I wait a couple of seconds and go the reach for the knocker again, but the door opens.
"Virgil! You didn't tell me you were-" The smile on his face quickly changed to confusion. "What's up?"
He steps out of the doorway and I curl into a chair in the living room. Roman sits with his legs tucked up on the couch next to me.
"Virge?" He looks into my eyes with a slight curious smile, but his eyes are worried. " Virge, what's up? You look pale- Well, paler than normal. " He chuckled a bit.
"Ha. Yeah." I wanna say more, I wanna talk to him, to tell him everything, but I think if I say anything I might start sobbing. "Ro, do you have a brother?"
His eyes go wide and the color drains from his face.
"Used to." He laughs a cold laugh.
" Used to? "
"A twin. He was...I guess what you would call devious. The kind of kid who would eat dirt or smash bugs for fun."
He closes his eyes and tilts his head back. "Once he jumped out of a moving car because he wanted to feel what real pain was like. He broke his arm."
"Did you guys get along?" I'm so dazed right now. I can't believe I didn't know that Roman had a brother. A twin brother.
"For a time. We got further away during high school. My parents sent him to a boarding school pretty far away, and I never really talked to him much after that. Oh, but he was was quite the hot topic once he graduated." He opens his eyes and I can see an expression on his that I can't quite place. It's unreadable. Contempt? Disappointment? Anger? He looks mad, but in a sad way. God, I'm so used to be able to read Roman so well, but this is throwing me off.
"What do you mean?"
He laughs a short laugh, and I see a tear roll down his face. "People are interesting things, Virgil. You realize things about them after they something do so, so vile. You see the red flags. You know what they say, hindsight is 20/20." He lets out a long sigh.
"Roman..?" He's being so vague about all of this, and it's confusing the hell out of me. I've already been freaking out and now I'm just so confused.
"There was a boy. He was twelve, Virgil. Twelve. Do you know what I was doing when I was twelve? Nothing. Nothing, but I had big dreams. And that kid-" His voice faltered. "That kid got so much time taken away from him. Remus took him. And I was the only one who knew. I let him go. I got that kid back to his family. But Remus, he never got caught. I never told anyone."
He rubs his face and stands up. "Excuse me."
He gets up and walks towards his bathroom, and I hear the door shut.
I know Roman never exactly said what happened, but I know. He doesn't have to say it. I numbly think that I might pass out. He could have kidnapped me.
I could have died.
He could have killed me, but there was something that stopped him from doing so. I close my eyes, but I hear his voice.
"Virgil."
I can hear him saying my name. How did he know my name? How the fuck did he know?
I close my eyes and try to conjure up Roman's face in my head, to hear his voice. But I can't. I can't get Remus' face out of my head. His voice. "Virgil." Just the fact that he paid enough attention to me to remember my name. The fact that he remembered it. He would've had to been there in the morning, like not too long after I started my shift. That was hours before I got to my apartment. Hours. And he knew where I lived? Did he stay at Rem and Em's all day? Was he waiting for me to leave for eight hours? Fuck, I can't think about this right now.
Roman's footsteps coming from the bathroom makes my eyes jolt open. The color in his face is drained, and his eyes are glossy. He sits criss-cross in front of the chair I'm sitting in.
"How did you meet Remus?" He says, not turning to face me.
" He was uh-" I can't say it. Not only am I on the brink of collapsing, throwing up, sobbing, or all of the above, but it would break Roman if he knew. He would be crushed if he knew he couldn't protect me from his brother.
He turned his body around to face me now. His face still had that expression I couldn't quite place. I hate seeing Roman like this. Sure, he cries. He cries over fictional characters and over silly things. But that's not like this. This is different. This is raw, real Roman. "Virgil?"
I get down from my seat and sit criss cross in front of him, taking his hands in mine.
"Roman, he-" Fuck it. If I start crying, I don't care at this point. It's the least of my worries right now. I can already feel my lip quivering. "He followed me."
Roman's eyes go wide and his grasp on my hands tightens a little.
"No-He-" He chokes on his words.
I nod a little, trying to offer a comforting expression, but I can't contort my face in the right way.
"After I- after I left work. He-uh- He was in the elevator. "
He shakes his head frantically, tears silently coming down his face, and finally, I know that expression. Fear. Roman's afraid.
He turns his head and I can hear him mutter something under his breath.
"He-He tried talking to me. Well, he did talk to me. And uh- He-"
He turns his head back to me, eyes wide, cheeks tearstreaked.
"What did he do to you?" His voice is pleading, broken. It pains me to look at Roman like this. His facade of the 'Brave Prince ' was gone.
I look down and rub my thumbs over his hands. "He stopped me from getting out. He- He kept me inside the elevator."
"No, no, no." Roman shook his head, staring into nowhere.
"He trapped me, and-and he kneeded me in the stomach and he strangled-" A teardrop lands on my hand. And another, and another, and another. They keep flowing, streaming down.
"Oh my god. Virgil, he didn't-" Roman's voice is strange. Hoarse and cracking. I look up and state at his eyes. He lets go of my hands and wraps me in a tighter hug than I've ever been in. It almost hurts, but everything is so numb and hazy I almost don't feel it. Everything just feels like a dream. A bad dream. But I know it's not. It's so painfully real.
Roman's quiet for a long time, nothing but the sounds of strangled sobs coming from both, neither of us wanting to fully let down our walls.
Finally, Roman lets go of me, his hands still in mine.
"We have to do something. We-We have to find him-to get him-he can't-" Roman's voice cracks. "He can't get away with this."
As much as I hate him, as much as I hate thinking about his fucking face, I can't. I can't think about this anymore.
"No," I shake my head slowly. "No, it's okay, Ro."
His eyes go wide. "No. No, no, no. W-we have to! We have to get him, he-he can't-"
I gently place a finger over Roman's mouth. "It's okay."
He opens his mouth, but closes it and frowns, letting go of one of my hands to wipe his cheeks. "Okay." He sighs. "Do you wanna stay the night? It's already late-"
Before be he can in the finish, I nod my head vigorously. I'm not planning on going back there for at least a while.
"Okay." Roman stands up, and I stand up with him. Jeez, sometimes I forget how much taller he is than me. He's 6'1, and I'm 5'9. It doesn't bother me, but sometimes he likes to tease me about it.
"I love you, Storm Cloud."
He looks directly in my eyes, and I don't know what it is, but it makes me crumble. I lean into his chest and start sobbing, and he strokes the back of my hair.
"I love you too."
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I go to bed with Roman soon after, but I don't fall asleep. I can't. There are so many things I just can't right now. I have so many thoughts right now, but my head feels so empty.
I roll over and look at the clock in the nightstand next to me.
1:15 AM.
I run my hands through my hair and close my eyes. I let out a long sigh and stare at the ceiling. I thought Roman was asleep, but he rolls over to face me, wide awake.
"Can't sleep?" His voice is quiet but still energized.
"Yeah."
"Yeah." His eyes soften. "Me neither."
He takes his hand and rests it on my cheek, using his thumb to rub my cheek.
"Ro?"
"Mm-hm?"
"This is crazy, right? This is totally completely insane?" It's so messed up to laugh about this, but I can't help myself. This is so stupid and ridiculous. God, it's just like one of those things that might as well happen. Like I knew something like this would happen all the time, yet I still couldn't do anything. This is like the one thing I've always been terrified of, and I knew I shouldn't have trusted Remus. Remus. It even sounds like he's a shitty person.
Roman cracks a small smile. "I-I guess? Maybe it is a little...ridiculous. This whole thing, that is."
I laugh. I laugh, and I can't stop. It's not hysterical, I just laugh, and I stop, and I laugh some more. This is so fucking funny all of a sudden. Roman has that expression that I can't read again. Maybe I just can't read him as well as I thought I could.
"Virge, are you alright?" He asks. He's still rubbing my cheek, but this time it feels different. It's wet across my cheek. I'm crying. That's funny. A few hours ago, I would have been so upset at the thought that I've cried so much. But I guess not.
"Virgil?"
I'm not okay. I know I'm not. But I also haven't been okay since forever. Maybe this is my breaking point. I don't know. I don't even fucking know anymore. Everything I knew has gone to shit in like six hours.
"N-no." I let out a strange sound that's like a laugh /sob combination.
Roman smiles a little, but it's a sad sort of smile. "I know." He sighs.
•••••••••••••••••••••••
I wake up late. I roll over and my face pressed up against Roman's chest. I feel it rising and falling, his breath warm on my forehead. If only every moment of every day felt like this. I move slightly, as not to disturb Roman, and reach for my phone. I unlock it and see that I have an unread message from Logan.
"would you like to go on a morning jog with me? any time before noon im available."
That's...odd. I know that Logan has a very strict regime when it comes to..well when it comes to most things he does. But I guess if he's fine texting me then it's okay.
I type back a response through squinted eyes.
'yeah sure. i'll be ready in ten"
I carefully creep out of the bed and walk towards my dresser. My dresser. It's silly. I don't technically live with Roman, but I have my side of the bed, the chair I always sit in, and my dresser. I "accidentally" leave clothes here and they just start accumulating. I look through the drawers and pull out a pair of black leggings, an MCR t-shirt, and a light purple jacket. I throw it on and walk back over to Roman's side of the bed, laying a quick kiss on his cheek before walking out.
••••••••••••••••••••
When I get out, Logan's waiting on the sidewalk, jogging slightly in place.
"Hey, Logan."
He seems as if he doesn't see me at first but then turns his head to look at me.
"Virgil. How are you?"
He starts jogging slowly as soon as he finishes talking, and I have to walk a little faster to catch up to him.
"I'm alright," I lie.
He turns his head to me. "Are you sure? Roman told me you were acting..odd last night."
We're jogging in stride now, each foot on the sidewalk beating at the same time.
"I don't know. I guess I was just stressed." I really don't remember much of last night. Just vague details. "Wait. How much did Roman tell you?"
I really hope Roman didn't tell him a lot. I don't need Logan worrying over me too.
"Not much. He said you were distraught, to say the least, but didn't say why."
"Do you want to know why?"
"No." He pauses. "But I am curious. Not knowing is okay too, I respect your privacy."
I smile a little. Even though Logan can be hard to interpret sometimes, he's always good to talk to when I need to level my head. He's humbling.
"Thanks." I suck my breath in a little. "I can tell you if you want?"
"Sure. If you're okay with that?"
"I am." I exhale.
"Okay."
"So, Roman has a brother." It's weird to say. I still almost don't believe it.
Logan turns his head to me for a second, a trace of surprise on his face. "Really?" He says in an incredulous voice.
"Yeah. A twin."
I'm quiet for a moment, and so is Logan. I'm trying to think of the best way to put this. I know that Logan could handle the full truth, though I also know he can occasionally overreact.
"Is that all? I mean I understand if you were upset that Roman hid that from you of all people-"
"No, no. It's not just that. Though, since you say that, I guess you're right. I am upset that he kept that from me."
He kept it from me. He knew what he was capable of. He always says he wants to protect me, but he left me in the dark. Huh.
"But also. It-It's something else. I-uh-I met him. Yesterday when I came back from work." I pause for a moment, the only sound is our feet on the sidewalk. "He was in the elevator with me. I-I didn't know it was him. He stopped me from getting out. He-He attacked me, and he-he forced himself into me. And then I woke up on the elevator floor."
It feels so fucking weird to say that out. It makes me feel so weak. Like this really happened to me. It's crazy. Twenty-four hours ago, I could have been taking Remus' order.
Logan is quiet, and he stops. He stops jogging and turns to face me, his face filled with some of the most emotion I've ever seen in him.
"Virgil, are you alright? That's really serious." His voice is laid with worry.
"I mean, yeah-"
He cuts me off before I can finish. "No, really. Are you alright?"
I feel my lip quivering a little, and a prickle behind my eyes. No. I am not going to cry today. If I had a little less sense, I would have thought I was all out of tears.
"No." My voice cracks, and despite my best efforts, tears start pouring down my cheeks. "Shit.." I let out a shaky, wet, laugh.
Logan sighs, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
Woah.
Logan has probably hugged me like this twice. Maybe.
"That's okay, Virgil." He says, and I rest my head on his shoulder. "Do you know if that elevator has security cameras?"
"I don't know. Probably not. "
"Right." He lets go of me, but takes my hands and puts them in his. His eyebrows are pinched together, and I can tell he's still worried. "It's okay to ask for help, okay? Events like this can be severely traumatic. Studies show that-"
I smile a little. At least, as much as I can. "Thank you, Logan."
He squeezes my hands and nods. "Of course."
I let go of his hands and bend backward, stretching.
"Would you like to head back to Roman's?" Logan turns backward, stretching out his legs.
"Nah. You can go back. I think I need some time to think."
He nods. "Alright. I'll meet you there. Water will be waiting for you." He says before he starts jogging off.
"Thanks," I say, and I head off in the opposite direction. I go and I go and I go until I can't go anymore. I find a place to sit down, and I check Google maps to see where I am. Turns out I'm a good hour away from Roman's. Man, time really got away from me.
I walk back, taking my time, looking at everything, but not really seeing anything. I'm still kinda In a haze. I wonder, will this feeling ever go away?