Behind The Scenes

Pilot

A/N: This is kind of a darker version of Assumed Moments. It's not the same and I won't be making the same narrative choices. It's just essentially a different way to interpret what happened off-screen with Beck and Jade. 

Also, this may be triggering. There's no self-harm or violence or sexual assault (and if that changes I'll let you before each chapter). But this will explore the dynamics of depression.

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Jade glares at her boyfriend as they leave Sikowitz's class. "Seriously?"

Beck avoids her gaze as best he can considering that they're holding hands and walking to the same place. Once they reach Jade's scissor-covered locker, he finally turns to look at her. He wants to see anger and jealousy. After all, she did just pour iced coffee all over a girl's head. But instead, all he sees is irritation. But at least that's something.

"What was that?"

That was him flirting with the new girl. But he knows that's not what she was asking. But he also can't tell her that he was trying to force her to feel... something, anything. He can't tell her that he's frustrated. That he wants his girlfriend back. "It was nothing."

Jade rolls her eyes and opens her locker. She switches out her books before slamming the door closed. She starts to walk away before she turns back to him. "You coming?" Beck knows by her tone that whatever irritation she was feeling a minute ago is gone now, but he still searches her eyes. The only thing left is exhaustion.

Beck pushes himself away from the wall. "Yeah, of course." Once he gets close enough she laces her fingers with his and he feels some small measure of comfort in that.

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"Jade!" Beck stops as he glares at his girlfriend. "If you're not going to say something the least you could do is look at me while I argue with myself."

Jade sighs and turns to look at Beck. He's anxiously pacing in front of her. Just looking at him makes her tired. "Better?'

Beck pauses as he studies her. She's sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall with her knees up. Everything about her looks heavy like gravity is pulling more on her than anything else in the room. He takes a deep breath and walks over to her. He sits down next to her, copying her position. He leans his head against the wall and closes his eyes. "I thought it would help."

"You know it doesn't work that way."

"I know." Beck runs his fingers through his hair. "I just... you've been this way for months and usually, it doesn't stay this way for so long and I just thought that... I don't know what I thought."

"You thought it would be a catalyst." Beck looks over at her and meets her stare. "That maybe we could move on from this phase."

"It seemed like maybe it was working yesterday. And I just thought that if I pushed it a step further that maybe something would, I don't know, shift." He knows that's not how it works. That there's nothing he could do that would positively shift this. He knows from experience that something like this could even make it worse. "I'm sorry. I just...miss you." He shrugs helplessly.

Jade leans her head against his arm. "Me too."

Beck kisses the top of her head. He doesn't know what else to do. He just wants to connect with her again, but he knows that as long as she feels like this there's nothing he can do.