Behind The Scenes

Andre's Horrible Girl

When she spots Cat at the vending machine it's too easy to go up to her and manipulate her way into Cat's weekend plans. Even though she knows she could have just asked Cat to hang out. As much as she hates to admit it being without Beck has been hard and not just in a heartbreak kind of way. She never realized just how much time she spent with him but it's become unpleasantly clear to her now that she spends all of that time in her bedroom, in her bed, alone. Besides school, she hasn't left her house in days. Weeks? She's not really sure. It all just blurs together and if she's honest she doesn't really care.

She almost cancels on Cat five times on Saturday before she decides to just ghost her. What does it matter if she stands Cat up? It's Cat. She'll accept it without explanation or at least an explanation that's too vague to even be considered a lie.

The anxiety gives way to shame though when she settles on just pretending she never made plans with Cat at all. Nothing makes it go away. She tries reading, singing, writing, cutting up things, cutting up things that aren't hers. Eventually, she curls up in her bed with music blaring in her ears and pretends she's asleep. As if.

When she thinks she might throw up from the guilt and shame, she starts her pathetic mantra of "You can do it, it's okay, you're okay." She's never told anyone about it before, not even Beck. It wasn't really necessary. Beck would make her do whatever it was before she ever reached this point.

It's an hour of sitting on her bed muttering the mantra to herself while tears leak out before she manages to get out of bed and out of her pjs and into her car. She doesn't even bother pretending that she could manage a shower. She's two hours late but Cat doesn't say a word and the vice grip in her stomach loosens when she realizes Cat's going to let her off.

It's really easy to slip into character. Easier than it usually is outside school but Jade's not going to bother questioning it. She'll take all the help she can get. She even manages to keep it together during the guitar fiasco. That is until Beck walked in and she felt everything inside her fold in on itself. He was not supposed to be here. She tells herself that it's not that different than school. She just won't talk to him and then he'll leave and she'll have her night with Cat. Or she'll leave and go home and crawl into bed for the next 24 hours. Either one.

It almost feels like it will all be okay once they get the guitar hung and window fixed but it doesn't last. Between the skull and the earthquake, it starts to feel like the universe agrees that she never should have left her bed. All she's done is ruin everything she touches so she takes the first chance she gets to run. She's in her car and shifting into reverse when she hears the knock on her window. She doesn't have to look to know it's him. Why can't he just leave her alone?

She's considering backing up and driving off anyway. He probably wasn't close enough that she would run over his feet but then she hears his knock again. Louder this time. With a growl, she shoves the car into park and rolls down her window. "What?" He looks surprised by her tone. She has no idea why. He broke her heart not that long ago.

"Are you okay?"

Jade scoffs and rolls her eyes. This is why he ran after her? Seriously? Talk about a white knight complex. "Nothing but puppies and rainbows over here."

Beck sighs. "Jade, seriously. Are you okay? You didn't get hit by any debris or anything?" He'd managed to grab Cat in his panic but Jade had settled onto the couch. Not exactly the protective covering he would have liked.

"I'm fine."

Beck glances behind him to see Robbie talking to Cat at his truck. They don't seem to be paying attention to them at all. It's a nice feeling for once. "Can we talk?" Despite his best efforts to stay in touch, Jade had put him behind Tori on the list of people she talked to willingly. She snapped a greeting back at him during school but that was it. Every call and text was ignored.