Consequences

six

Ella

"Would you take him back as soon as he wakes up?" I speak up as Noah settles down on the couch beside me.

"Why?" He furrows his brows, confusion etched on his face, "I mean why so soon? What's the rush?"

I give him a look saying 'why not'.

I pull out a cigarette and after lighting it up, take a drag. Smoke rises from my mouth, gradually disappearing in the thin air and I feel my nerves calming. Noah takes a drag when I offer him the cigarette and silence takes over the living room, soon to be broken by him, "I'm sorry about the... um... the infertility thing. I don't know what you call it."

I sigh shaking my head as anger and frustration bubbles inside me. I'm tired of listening to everyone's condolences. I don't want their pity.

"It's okay," I say, my tone harsh.

"You still love him, don't you?" Noah starts again and for a second I go still. I divert his attention instead of answering, "You want coffee?"

He looks at me dumbfounded as I take another drag, "Y'know you can't avoid your feelings. They won't just disappear."

"What do you want me to say?" I snap, "That I'm head over heels for your friend, that I still love him after whatever he did, that he'll apologize and I'll forgive him and accept him with open arms? Because, honestly, I won't. I don't love him anymore and I'm so done with him."

My words hit me like a truck. I know I just confessed, but it's all a white lie. The bitter truth is that I still love him. But I will not, at any cost, be with him again. I made a mistake of trusting him once, I won't repeat it. I'll not let him in. I'll not let him toy with me. I'm aware of what's behind his fake kind facade now. I'll never forget.

He sighs while I blow off the cigarette, throwing it in the ash tray, "I've never seen Gray cry and he was crying yesterday. He still cares, Ella. He still loves you. He is dying to be with you. In fact, you both are dying to be with eachother. You think you both can hide your feelings but your eyes give everything away. The way you look at eachother, it clearly says you want eachother."

I scoff getting up and make my way to the kitchen to make some coffee but a voice halts me to a stop, "We'll get going."

Turning my head towards the voice, I take in Grayson, his bed hair falling on his forehead with his orbs boring into mine with so many unsaid words. My lips part taking in a deep breath as I see a flicker of hurt and longing in his eyes but it was soon replaced with a cold stare.

Noah abruptly stands up and nods, "It was nice seeing you after all this time, Ella."

"Likewise," I give a small smile and bid them both goodbye as they head out to their car. Making my way back to the kitchen, I cook some pancakes with coffee all the while replaying Grayson's words in my head.

I snort thinking he wouldn't even remember any of it, he was too drunk to function normally.

Either way, I feel a pang in my heart. His words felt too real, too meaningful. Did he really mean all that? Shaking my head, I focus on task at hand.

It's of no use, hoping and waiting for someone to return, someone to love and care. It's pointless!

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