Consequences

two

Ella

The bold black words etched on the clean white gravestone stand proudly in my face as if mocking me.

Ashton Smith.
Gone too soon.

The only thing that comes to my chaotic mind in this deep silence is a question, a question I want to scream out loud in everyone's face.

Why? Why my son? Why so soon?

Falling on my knees beside, I break out into sobs.

"Why did you do this to me, oh God?" I cry recalling the day Ashton died in my hands, "Why would you take him away like that?"

I remember the amount of warmth and contentment Ashton brought with him. I remember Grayson holding him in his arms with love and happiness shining bright in his eyes. I remember the peace I felt when I held him close to me.

But he was gone just as quickly as he came.

I sob harder as the memories of the nurses snatching Ashton away from me flood my mind.

It's been two exact years, but the emptiness and pain I felt at that moment still resides in my heart.

"Why do you have to go too soon?" I mumble while crying, putting my head down in my hands, "Why would you leave me alone?"

"Do you even know how much things have changed after you?" I complain sniffling, "Gray has changed. He doesn't love me anymore. Our relationship has changed.... Life has changed. You don't know how much I need you by my side. But no, God has to take you away from me."

"I miss you. I'll always miss you," I add, my voice cracking now, "The mere seconds I held you will always be the best part of my life. I'll always remember how small and delicate you felt in my arms. I'll never forget the feeling I got when you opened your eyes. I love you, Ashton. I will always love you."

I know crying won't change anything, nor it will make the pain go away. But if I can't mourn the death of my only son, the son I get to hold for seconds only, do I even deserve to be called a mother? Do I even deserve to call him my son?

I don't know how long I've been sitting and crying but when I jerk my head up to rub my eyes, I notice the sun setting in the west behind the pink clouds.

I sigh wiping the tears away and stand up after muttering a goodbye. Making my way back to my car, I jump in and drive back home.

I get out of the car once I'm home and head in. After having dinner and changing my clothes, I flop down on my bed, a thousand thoughts running my mind at a speed faster than light's.

I scoff at the most dominant thought my mind has been chanting.

Grayson didn't even come to see Ashton.

Does he even remember it was Ashton's death anniversary today?

It hurts knowing he has abandoned his own family; knowing he doesn't care about his wife, or his dead son.

He used to be so loving and caring before, making family and friends his top priority.

A smile makes its way on my lips as I recall the perfect moments of our relationship.

Damn. I miss him.

I wonder what has gotten into him; what has got him to change so much.

Life is so unfair sometimes. People are so unpredictable.

———

I know it's an even smaller chapter. But still I'm asking (and you can't stop me), whatcha guys think?

Tap on the lil star?