problems

chapter four: my heart hurts so much

Alisa

My life sucks so much. I lost the love of my life and to a girl who she is interested in. My heart hurts so much .if I cut myself,stab myself,or even shoot myself the pain will never compare to the pain I feel inside of me. I have been trying constantly to kill myself because I do not see why am I alive. The reason to my suicidal actions is my mother.She is a terrible women and caused this to happen to me. My sister and i dont live with her ,but She takes care of us an tries to harm me when I'm there. I hate her and that's the only person that I will use the word hate towards. I do not love her because what she has done to me not only yesterday but all those other times and all the past years.

      Flashback

I went to my auntie crystal and asked for her advice in telling my mother that I'm bisexual and to get along with her. She told me to sit my mother down and just tell her how I feel. she gave me ways on how to do it. I went back to my mother's house the following day and sat my mother down and told her.

"Ma. I have something real important to tell you." I said

" what is it? I don't have all day." She said

"Mother I dont just  like boys.... I like girls and boys." I announced

She wasn't saying anything after that. She had looked so hurt with her eyes water if in her hands sobbing. Next thing I know she was shouting at me and cursing.

"You are a nasty little bitch." She said in the most hurtful way possible. "I never loved you and you are the worst mistake a damn mother could have!"

" you don't mean that." I said crying and shouting

"Yes the hell I do mean it." She said "ask your dad when you were born... As soon as you were born I looked at you and when I laid my eyes on you I thought you you were ugly.when I took you home I tried to suffocate You with the pillow and you could have died if t weren't for your dad trying to take me off of you."

I could not believe it. I hate her. Why did she do that to me. Why doesn't she love me . I found out why my dad has full custody of my sister and I because she is a unfit crazy ass mother.

"why do you hate me ma?" I shouted "what did I do to you?"

" I hate you because you were born alisa. You did a lot. Your daddy was paying more attention to You. I will never love you." She said getting on top of me and choking me.

I tried and tried an tried to gasp for air but I could not. The whole time I was thinking whether this was my last time alive. They would know the very person that hated me killed me. And my whole idea of it changed. So many times I was trying to kill myself and now I got it. I wasn't ready to die ,but I was so hurt on what she said to me I just didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't gave to suffer anymore now I would finally be at peace...

"Stop it Stacey let go of her now!!!" A male voice shouted

" it shouldn't matter now." My mother said "she is dead. I don't have to deal with her anymore."

"move Stacy!" A male voice said " come on Alisa. You are not about to die today. Come to daddy."

Then finally I opened MY eyes and saw my dad in tears while my mom was behind him with a mean look on her face.

"I'm so glad I didn't lose you alisa." he said hugging me. "I didn't know what would happen if I did Lose you."

" I know dad I know." I said "I'm ready to go back home.

"I know honey I know.". He said as Cameroon Came down the stairs. "Cameroon we are leaving Pack your bags now."

My sister is sixteen and what my dad said scared her and before she even cry I took her upstairs, pack our bags and left.

Now I'm in this unconscious state. I can hear myself thinking.I can't even wake up. I know I go back and forth wether I want to die but I'm just confused....

How did y'all like the story please comment and vote. If you don't like the things in the story dont read it ,but if you like it I have a lot if things planned for brenda and Kianna. I will update tomorrow.