problems

chapter eight: kianna's secret

I could see that Brenda was hurting seeing the site of Alisa laying on that bed helpless as ever and hurting inside and out. I care for alisa because i can kinda relate on whats shes going through. When i was here earlier talking to her and as she was telling me about brenda I didn't want to believe her at  first because I just can't see brenda hitting Alisa. That doesn't make any sense at all,but when I looked deep into her eyes I could tell she was telling the truth by the way her face expression changed as she talked. She was really hurt. I can understand how one person can hurt you so bad that no matter what they do you still end up loving they ass. But without them you feel like your world is no longer worth living. That's how Alisa feels about brenda. At the beginning of their relationship it was good ,but soon on it tumbled down into a dark place.like I said before despite all that, no matter how hard she was hit,no matter how many girls Brenda was cheating with, she still loved her and was down for her because she hoped that one day Brenda would change,but as you can see it didn't. And the outcome of this is that she is laying in a hospital bed going through depression, bad self esteem, and the fact that the once love in her life did her wrong and the pain still lingers inside. All of this is occurring in her world called hell.

I walk up to brenda as I was running down the hall beside her daughter.Brenda's standing by alisa's door with her hands cupped over her mouth and starts crying.

"It's okay Brenda. everything will be OK alright. don't cry." I said rubbing her back

"Yo you just don't get it my nigga." She said sniffling "I use to love this girl. I still have love for her and just to see her in this hospital. In this bed and just gotten her stomach pumped out and probably almost got killed by her mother hurts me. I can't afford to lose anymore people that I love an that is close to me.!"

"brenda I understand I know how this shit feels. I know how it is to see one of your love ones in the hospital and I have witnessed one my own family members in the hospital about to di-"

"Don't say that word!" She said shouting at me " she is not going yo die!"

"Brenda I never said she was going to okay. I was just letting you know that I have witnessed stuff like this okay and all you can do right now is go inside, wait for her to wake up, and hope for the best." I said planting my right hand on her cheek and wiping the tears away. "I will take Brittany to the waiting room ,so she can play with the other kids and I'll be right back."

When I said that I felt a great sensation in MY mouth which traveled all over my body like a lighting bolt. She was kissing me. Her soft lips on mine, her hands around my waist, and her tongue in my mouth made me want to do a whole lot more than that to her. Then I came back to reality because I noticed her daughter britanny staring at us while we kissed.

"uhh sorry about that Brittany. Come on and I'll walk you to the waiting room ,So you can play with the kids." I said wiping my mouth and holding out my hand for her to grab

"Okay" Brittany said

As Im walking, I just couldn't get the feeling that brenda is watching me. I swear that kiss was so good that I became wet after. I don't know what this means since we kissed. Does this mean we are together. Does this mean we are now in a committed relationship and I have to be Brittany's step mother. Thinking about all of this is starting to make me have a headache. I just can't do it because of the things I haven't told her yet. I don't think after I tell her she will want to deal with me ever again. I'm dropping Brittany off to play with the kids and I'm on my way to the vending machine to get me some water.

"well well well isn't it miss run away Washington. I haven't seen you since what? Last year back in Atlanta when we were together. Now tell me did you run away because of the miscarriage you had Or was it the STD."

It was my ex Michael. He was wearing a black rebox shirt,jeans and black polo shoes. He is black and has dreads in his hair braided back. We were together for three years. I cheated on him when we were together and ended up pregnant. He figured I was cheating and beat me up to the point where I lost the baby. Later on he found out he had AIDS and I did also. That happen last year. I moved to get away from that and start a new life,but it seems like I can't run from my past.

"How in the hell did you find me here. what are you doing? are you stalking me?"  I said turning towards Michael way with my water in hand.  "why did you come here. Don't come in here starting drama because I left that back in Atlanta. I'm not with you anymore and nor will i ever will Be again. If you came here talking to me about that HIV or that miscarriage, I swear I will beat your ass and file a report to the police department for harassment."

"Are you really going to to do that? After three years you cwanba do this? Okay If you do I'll tell them that you gave me the AIDS on purpose and what will you say then. they will take you to jail not me. Yeahhh I got a lot of shit on you." Michael said putting his hand on my cheek coming close to me. "And on top of that you going around here messing with other men and woman knowing that you have what you have? I came here to get you ,so we are going to be together. If you do not comply to what I want I will either ruin your life or kill you. Do you fucking hear me I will kill you."

"you are not going to kill nobody son. If you put a hand on her my nigga I will personally kill you if that what you asking. Now you have two choices."   Brenda said with her hands behind her back and a little tense.   "Number one you can Get your filthy hands off of her and we go out separate ways or number two you can stay where you are and have me blow your fucking head off. Now whats your choice."

"What the fuck ever my nigga. I'll see you around Kianna."  He said letting go off me and walking away

"no you won't because if you ever come near her again I will beat the living shit out you. Come on Kianna let's check on Brittany." She pulling me towards her and walking away

I can't believe Brenda came and helped me. I never had anybody do that for me. She protected me because she cared. Now i know that she love me and she really want to be with me because of what she did. The sad part about it is that I wonder how much of the conversation she heard between Michael and I. What am I going to say to brenda when she ask me what happen. How will we ever be in a relationship because of this. I don't know if I will have the guts to tell her that I have AIDS. She won't even look at me the same anymore she won't have me in her presents, she won't even date me, she won't even have sex with me because of what I got. I'm not even going to think about being together with her because it will not be. I came here because I needed to get away from my past. All the bad that happened to me back in Atlanta. Now it seems I can't never run away from the past because it will always find me .