isolation (self harm mentioned)

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I'm 14 in 3 days

  My anxiety is keeping me up out of fear of my mother, and my mental health is declining at a faster rate then usually. I might think of one way of self harming myself once a week; I have now thought of shoving nails in my ears, ripping my face off, tearing my stomach open, and force vomiting in one night. I have barely seen any of my friends and I've started double backing if they are my friends because few have even made a sentence long text. I haven't felt loved in about 1.5 months, I've forgotten what that feels like.
  I feel cold most of the time, I live in the Midwest so that's kinda normal. I've never really felt loved by my mother. She's called me pizza face, ugly, and like an object even. The first she'll say to me half the time is how my zits are doing or just popping my zits, last time she made me cry was yesterday (technically). She always makes me feel powerless. She seems to find any nd all ays to yell at me, but she always seems to go into overdrive whenever I seem to feel actual happiness.
  Do to past experiences and trauma I've done research to see what I might have (best matches/not trying to self diagnose)

•Cherophobia - the fear of happiness
My mind has seem to put up an emotional barrier that makes difficult to feel stuff in general. When I realize I'm being happy I'll get an anxiety attack, for me it feels like my brain stabbing itself and all my thoughts are barely there

•PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder
This is a stretch but I can't look people in the eye other wise it looks like they're looking at all my zits and I only see my mother. Being against a door makes me feels so anxious tht I may have an anxiety attack and I may get flashbacks. I will jerk away if you touch my bare back.

•Dysphoria- I hate the hell out of my body
You can't see but you feel my ribs and you can also see that I'm 200lbs by looking at me, so I feel to fat and I feel to skinny and whenever there's food offered to me my body says eat and I don't refuse or think of the mental repercussions.

But at the end of the it's either me crying or scrathing the hell out of thighs.

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