Feenin': The Ballad of DeVante and Serafina

Chapter Thirteen: Romance Rekindled ?

"Whatever you want, girl you know I can provide..."

SERAFINA POV

So DeVante and I are working on our friendship. We're working on our trust, little by little, day by day, and he's really trying to win me back. I want us back, but I'm not 100% ready to give it another chance yet. We're taking this VERY slowly. He's getting anger management, and it's working out great! I just finished my final exams and DeVante wants me to come back to his place just to "relax." I'll go, but no funny stuff.

I took a cab all the way to his penthouse apartment and after a hour of waiting in the lobby, he came and got me.

DeVante: Hey baby!

Me: Hi, DeVante.

He gently took my hand and we took the elevator up to the 11th floor. He opened the door and we sat on the couch. 

DeVante: I know this is a stupid question, but how do you think you did on your final exams?

Me: Pretty well, actually.

DeVante: That's my girl. 

I rested tiredly on the couch. He threw his heavy ass on top of me and laughed. 

Me: You better get up.

DeVante: I'm tired too, baby.

Me: Get up, DeVante. You're heavy as hell, baby boy.

I made no effort to push him off. Our playing turned into passionate kissing. Instead of pushing him away from me, I wrapped my arms and legs around his waist.

DeVante: I thought you wanted me to stop.

I moaned as he nuzzled his face in my chest. This was the DeVante I loved, missed, needed, and wanted. 

Me: I missed you...

DeVante: Baby, I missed you too. 

As much I wanted him to keep going, I realized that by giving him some, it would be leverage for him to leave me at his mercy and I couldn't do that. I pushed him off me.

DeVante: Did I do something wrong, you okay?

Me: No, I did.

I got up and got myself together. I have to stop repeating this cycle, I don't want him thinking that this is okay. I know we have something real intense and deep, but I need to be smarter than I've been about this.

Me: I know we're working on our friendship, but I don't want us getting confused about what's going down here.

DeVante: I'm clear headed, baby. I know we're working some things out. 

Me: We can't do this. 

DeVante: Do what? Talk to me.

Me: Breaking up, making up, and pretending that when we fight, it's not a big deal when clearly it is.

DeVante: I know....

Me: I know that I love you, but I hate what comes with that love. How can we be friends after everything has happened!? The damage is done. 

DeVante: You know me, you know that I never meant to hurt you like that. I'm not that monster I used to be, I've shown you that. 

Me: Look, why don't we just give each other some space? I need to focus on school and you definitely need to focus on not only Jodeci, but Donald DeGrate, NOT DeVante.

He had a real sad look on his face. I felt bad, but I need to do what's best for me and MOVE ON. He came into my life, took my virginity, and beat the hell outta me all when I was 17. I love him, always have and always will, but I need him to understand.

I kissed him lightly on the cheek and left. This has to be the hardest thing I've ever done, but sometimes the hardest things to do are the best things to do.