Always Hate Me

34. A Slice of Hell

Devi froze. She wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't prepared to meet Crevan unexpectedly. She had no time to check her feelings – to work out what her expression should be or what she might say. They were outside the Blood Donation Centre. She was leaving, donation given, and he was midway up the steps – climbing up them. He closed the gap between them, taking the remaining steps two at a time.

Ryder stopped in front of her, the step down making them the same height. His expression was guarded as he tried to read her feelings.

"Devi," he spoke her name and her heart skipped a beat. She resisted the urge to lean closer. "Your jacket's thin. You should dress warmer." Ryder unwound the scarf from his neck and placed it around her. His body heat lingered on the thick wool and felt nice against her cold skin. "Take care of yourself. Don't make me worry about you," he chided gently. 

Devi looked quickly away.

"You're not being fair," she murmured. Ryder's gaze dropped to the ground.

"Neither are you." He countered.  "I told you that you're all I have."

Devi pulled at the scarf, removing it and offering it back. He didn't accept it. "You're protecting yourself from getting hurt, but what about me? What about all the hurt that I feel?" His voice shook.

Devi's breath caught. She lowered her hand limply to her side and the scarf's end trailed on the ground between them.

"I'm scared," she admitted. A cold wind blew around them. The gust knocked over a bin and litter fluttered out and spun around their ankles. "I'm scared of being incurably hurt when you walk away." She raised her chin, stiffly. "So, I'm leaving first."

"I never walked away," he argued. Devi's sad expression was cutting.

"Your heart did, or... it was never with me to begin with."

Ryder's gaze became hollow and she saw his shoulders slump in defeat. Dark shadows circled his eyes – a testament to his sleepless nights.

"What can I do, to make things go back to how they were? What will make you stay?" He asked. Devi shook her head sadly.

"Fall in love with me?"

"I-"

"Don't lie," she interrupted. "You can't kiss me, Crevan. And we both know why."

**

Frida shifted about uncomfortably. She bit her lip and cast Enlai a wretched expression.

"Is the pain worse?" He asked. She shook her head. Enlai's lips twitched with amusement, realising why she was so tense. "Crawl to your right."

"Won't that take me to the stairs?" She didn't want to get any closer to the steps that Dracula had dragged her down. She half-feared that he'd be waiting for her on them – crouched like a gargoyle on the top step.

"Feel along the wall with your left hand, there's another room. You can do your... business in there."

Frida followed his directions. Her limbs felt heavy and cumbersome to drag along the cold dirt. But he was right, and she gratefully entered this smaller room. In the dark, she pulled down her trousers and squatted. The relief from finally urinating was great – but was swiftly followed by fresh embarrassment.